Willkommen, Gasmchen! I know it’s only week two, but I have a good feeling about this season. Queens to cheer for, queens to cheer against, porn stars, clowns, underdogs and a tiny Panamanian irritant to unify all the other queens against her. Because the gaggle of tired, bitchy queens that hate together, stay together. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Back to this episode.
Previously, Ru tried to drown the queens and almost succeeded with Alaska then she took them to “Beverly Hills” and made them dumpster dive for their red carpet couture gowns. Juicy Roxxxy won, Serena was a pain in the ass and Penny Tration lost. But she took it like a true blue American: with confusion, disinterest and, well, pretty sure she didn’t have anything else to show…but her family’s proud. Aim for the middle, Penny!
Switching things up, we go straight into the episode as the queens go back to the workroom in full drag. Everyone’s sad to see Penny go (i.e. pissed that the Panamanian Pomeranian is still there) and Serena admits that she “stumbled, but that’s okay.” Wait, what? Oh, she thinks destiny, and not her utter lack of talent, put her in the lip synch to show the other queens how talented she is so they’d respect her. Not being a cooze is out of the question, I guess.
Monica’s still being a Shleprock and feeling insecure and for the first time I notice she’s from Owensboro, Kentucky. Gurr…leave. I’m sure there are plenty of lovely people in Owensboro but for reals, it’s not a place where a Latin drag queen can thrive, you know? Coco foreshadows that something was bothering Monica because she couldn’t even relax by being safe. I’m sure that was a complete non-sequitur.
Alaska tries to talk about Penny, thinking she’d turn it out in the lip sync…but the Panamian Pomeranian has lost everyone’s attention so she squeals to ask if anyone was cheering for her. Crickets. Still working under the delusion that she’s cute enough to get away with this shit, she tries to look all sad and asks if anyone wanted her to go home. Detox, to her credit, is not unkind to Serena but still tells her she’s annoying, and Jade’s a little less magnanimous in her interview, telling us that if Serena bugs too much she’s going to smack her like she’s a fly on a cow patty. Why would she be smacking flies on cow patties?
Yip, yip, yip.
Whatever, it’s opening credits time…and they’re cut short so Ru can tell us what the prizes and who the guest judges are. Aw, man. Now I can’t sing them to my cat. DON’T JUDGE ME!
The queens come back to the workroom the next day and Roxxxy, Alaska and Detox announce that Ro-Laska-Tox is in the house…meaning they’ve already named their clique. Anyway, Detox thinks their nickname is the new prescription drug for people who are gagging but Ivyyyyy Winterrrs thinks it sounds like an STD. First of all, I didn’t even know Ivy was a bitch.
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