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Split decision on Alaska (Surprise, surprise. Kristen thought it was a fail.) and kudos all around for Coco who really did, per Santino, go beyond LaShauwn. Michelle thought Detox was flawless and beautiful and Kristen has to argue that it didn’t work for her. Michelle finally side-eyes her and Kristen snaps that they get it, Michelle loves Detox. Michelle, bless her talon-fingered, Jersey girliness, didn’t take out her earrings and slap a bitch. Instead she just snaps that she loves them all and Ru calls the judges to attention because she’s made her decision. Kristen, AGAIN, can’t keep her trap shut and snorts “Thank God.” One last time, “BITCH, shut UP!” Ru just mumbles “Uhluhlh. Uhh.”
With nine queens on stage, Ru doesn’t even bother to recap each one. She calls Monica and Serena forward. Monica’s performance was too much Jiggly and not enough Caliente while Serena sucked. Oh no, wait. That was my critique. Ru says that as team leader she forgot to cover her own ass. They’re both up for elimination so the others can leave the stage.
Monica’s relaxed, ready to kick some pocket-sized Panamanian ass and the song is “Only Girl in the World,” by Rihanna. It could have been close but the song doesn’t really lend itself to Serena’s high energy desperation and Monica is just slinkier, which works for Rihanna. Serena tries her damnedest and does another split, but like with Milan’s wig snatching, it really only works once. Alaska so perfectly sums it up when she drones that “Serena did a split. Oh wait. She did one last week.” By the end it’s not even close as Juliette’s mimicking Monica’s moves, Detox is interviewing that Monica’s slaying it and can send the Central American garden gnome back to Tallahassee and even Serena gives it up and bows to Monica. Well, okay then.
It’s no surprise to anyone but maybe Serena and Monica that Monica shantays, but Detox still does the victory fists because ding, dong Serena’s gone. Ru wishes her well then tells her to get the fuck off her stage. No, she just tells her to sashay away, but that’s what I heard in my head.
Serena heads backstage and says that she wouldn’t have changed anything except being team captain, so she still thought the Victorian consumptive was a good idea, then tells the other queens to “read a book.” FYI – I watched the “Meet the queen” videos the other night and, well, Honey is actually a social worker who works with at-risk gay teens in her day job while Coco is also a college grad with a theater degree, while Serena probably took a drawing class at Tallahassee Community College so, yeah. Won’t miss her.