Drag Race Recap: Ooh No, She Better Don’t

Recaps

By vallegirl | Friday, February 8, 2013 | 12:57 pm | 20 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Drag Race, Recaps

And then…Untucked. It starts off boringly enough with Ivy’s team celebrating and forgetting how much they all wanted to strangle Lineysha now that she helped them all win. Instead, they’re just going to shit talk Sierra Serena. Good times! By the way…Ivy Winters/Buckcherry: separated at birth?

You make the call!

Ru knows she’s sending PokeSatan home so she needs to start priming that pump with more shit talk and has the safe queens head over to the Gold Bar to play a game called Piss off all the other queens six months from now when they hear how much shit you talked behind their backs “13 queens/20 questions” where Ivy calls Monica “not pretty” and banjee, (and Honey thinks the “unpretty” one is Detox), Honey sorta calls Alyssa “plus-sized” and Ivy confirms to Vivienne that Jade is, in fact, one big ass shit-stirrer. Sounds like she eavesdrops/manipulates one group to trash talk then sneaks over to the other and spills everything. Told you that bitch was shady.

But who cares about the safe girls, it’s finally time to check in with the other teams. Before they leave the stage they have one final lip synch performance of a Drag Race mashup and again Detox’s team is on point and funny and Serena made it all about her and they sucked.

Back stage all the queens in the Silver Lounge gather round Monica to support her and tell her that no one’s judging her then video Ru interrupts to let them know that one of them has a big surprise. Because it hasn’t been nearly emotional enough with Monica, it’s a video from her mom, who looks like her twin, telling her she’s proud of Monica and sorry that she was such a lousy mother when Monica was growing up because she was a drug addict but she loves Monica and hopes they can start over. Alyssa (and Serena ??!?!) has been hovering over Monica and patting her hand and making sure she feels secure the whole time. I don’t know how I feel about this nurturing, nice Alyssa. The cognitive dissonance is giving me a rash.

Does not compute.

Monica’s overwhelmed and tells the others how difficult it’s been especially having to compete against all of them because they’re so talented and Roxxxy jumps in to tell her she’s there so she’s just as talented. But when Detox says they’re all the same caliber…Roxxxy breaks the tension by joking, “Except Serena.” HAHAHAHAHA. Everyone, but Serena, gets a much needed belly laugh out of that because it’s true. She sucks and doesn’t even know it.

They laugh and laugh and Serena tries and tries to speak her piece, but Alyssa suddenly becomes my hero by telling her to just “Shut the hell up, bitch.” Serena says no and they stop for a moment to maybe let her get a word in edgewise, but nope. Coco’s on a tear and reading Serena for being such a shitty leader that she had a choreographer (Alyssa) and Roxxxy who can beat a mug and all she had to do was sit back and let everyone else work but she didn’t. She thought she was better than everyone else and she sucked. Wah, waaaaah. All the while Alyssa’s taking it to church for Coco and giving her an Amen up in here.

Serena ChaCha, reuniting old friends through her heinous personality since 2013.

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vallegirl
About

Vallegirl has never actually lived in a valley, has a lot of time on her hands and likes to yell at kids about how things were in her day.  Currently in LA, she's also spent a lot of time in the great states of  New York and Florida so she's not crazy, it's just a cultural thing.

20 Comments

  1. 1
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    I was saving this juicy bomb for the full recap..we have another porn star! Former, ahem.

    http://www.queerty.com/another-rupaul-drag-race-season-5-queen-may-have-a-pornstar-past-20130130/

    Link SFW but the link provided in that article is not. *shudders*

    Thanks for the shoutout last week, Vallegirl! Now back to reading.. :)

  2. 2
    PacoSauce
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    As annoying as the Alyssa/Coco feud is (which I’m sure will just so happen to come light on the episode where one is eliminated), they really turned it out this episode. If you can make Leshawn’s run memorable, then you really deserve the win.

  3. 3
    VelocityBird
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    I am going to make it my mission in life to say “Ooooooh…no she betta DON’T!” at least once a day.

  4. 4
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Oh…my…god…Sarcastire, that link really, really isn’t safe for work. lmao Wow. I’ll be shaking that one off for a while. I think I had something clever to say, but…wow…um…I’ve lost it.

  5. 5
    April
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    I also want to say “OH no she better don’t!” all the time. I am talking more and more like a Drag Queen every day. I feel sorry for my husband who has to listen to it.

    My capcha is CATS AND DOGS. Serena was the Dog alright and the rest of the felines jumped her shit.

  6. 6
    Jessi
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    I actually really liked Kristin as a judge. She was definitely harsh, but very on point, and everything she said was pretty true. She can take over for Santino (bahaha, like Michelle would let that ever happen!)

    As much as I hate the fights on Untucked, I lived for the Serena takedown. You KNOW she must be impossible if 1) Alyssa and Coco team up to destroy her and 2) she makes you miss Tatianna.

    I watched the show at PhiPhi’s former home bar in Chicago, and everyone was cheering at Alaska taking her on. Poor PeePee was basically run out of Chicago, just like she was Texas. Whenever she was on screen last season (or last night) the whole bar would boo. Eeep. Long story short, you are not the only one who still isn’t over hating her.

    Final note, I wish just once someone on this show could make fun of an overweight person without having them eat chicken. It’s just lazy. Even the big girls do it themselves in the Snatch Game. There is more to mock than eating chicken. Stop.

  7. 7
    cbc-cca
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    Actually, I thought Honey ala Monique was waving around a biscuit. Monique was famous for the “two piece and a biscuit”.

    So glad the panamanian pomeranian was sashayed away. (Awesome alliteration, Vallegirl!) She left as clueless as she came into the competition. *shudder*

    I am in love with Coco Montrese. I agree … she is yummy!

  8. 8
    April
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    I watched this live chat the day after the show with Michelle Visage and the eliminated contestant so Serena was on and it had Mimi Imfirst and they even brought on Monica. Serena seemed very sad and defeated. Like I kinda felt sorry for him. When everyone hates you, it has to hurt. I think this will be a good lesson for him. He was not mouthing off at all.

    Monica looked beautiful and seemed happy. I might try to catch it again next week if I can remember.

  9. 9
    Chips.N.Whips
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 11:15 pm

    Still reading but had to comment on ” drag Andy Samberg “. HIGH – LARIOUS & so true!

  10. 10
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 8:24 am

    @Jessi, I love Tatianna, so I just think that Serena was just young and unaware of her impact on others, much like Tatianna…. and, as far as the big girls eating chicken, I think it’s used more for comedic effect rather than to be offensive. I’m curious who the Snatch Game characters are going to be this year because there’s such a talented group of queens this season. I hope Coco Montrese does a takeoff of Jackee’s character from 227, Sandra Clark.

  11. 11
    Jessi
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 8:29 am

    @Derek, I don’t think it’s offensive. I just think it’s a lazy shorthand. Like doing the splits and pulling off the wig during the LSFYL, I’m over it.

  12. 12
    Miss Molly
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 8:29 am

    When Ru asked Alaska why she wasn’t doing Needles in the lip sync skits and Alaska said “I DO Sharon all the time” I spit laughed.

  13. 13
    Sunny
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 10:27 am

    @Miss Molly- I did too! XD I was happy to see that Alaska was a lot more comfortable this week. I felt like I could finally connect with her! Team Rolaskatox!

  14. 14
    April
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 10:50 am

    Since Coco is a professional Janet Jackson impersonator she might do JJ.

  15. 15
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 11:11 am

    All I care about is that somebody (Jinkx) is doing Little Edie. She’s a staunch character. S-T-A-U-N-C-H. “Awwww-nestly. ”

  16. 16
    April
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    I feel badly that I had to look up who Little Edie was. I have heard of Grey Gardens but really did not know much about it.

  17. 17
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 3:56 pm

    April, it know Little Edie is to love her. The documentary seems bleak on paper, old money ‘American royalty’ family disowns daughter after husband divorces her. She and her daughter live together in their sprawling Hamptons mansion, which, 30 years later, is in a state of disrepair. But the spirit and openness of Big and Little Edie and how they’ve adapted to poverty without ever losing their fabulousness and sense (delusion?) of grandeur, makes this docu amazing. Little Edie became a fashion icon, and often imitated..even with a towel on her head!

    Back to the recap, I’m loving Coco Montrese. She’s quick-witted, fierce, and I’m sure, beef with Alyssa aside, a very generous and sisterly type of queen. I like Detox, too..porn past aside (Mr. Sebastian Ford, hunty!) But I think Kristen pegged him right when she said he acts like he has it all figured out..we all know Detox takes herself very seriously. And that’s fine, too but own it..don’t unconvincingly call yourself \humble.\
    Vallegirl, captcha ate my minicap comment but I said everything you said about Jade. She was loving the Serena pile-on because Serena was someone she could hide behind. I bet once Serena leaves, the girls come for her shady ass. But chances are, after she saw that full-room-read, she will cower in the face of any opposition. Shame, really.

  18. 18
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    I’m really sad that now there are two queens on this show who I will always picture with dongs in their mouths.
    Big fat dongs. :(

  19. 19
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    I’m okay with porn pasts but Detox made a song with Willam called Boy is a Bottom. Well, he is too!

  20. 20
    MellyMel
    Posted February 11, 2013 at 7:19 am

    @Chaosbutterfly I hate myself for looking at the Jade pics, because I have the same problem with her right now. I can’t see her without seeing Nazi porn.

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