Drag Race Recap: Ooh No, She Better Don’t

Recaps

By vallegirl | Friday, February 8, 2013 | 12:57 pm | 20 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Drag Race, Recaps

Moving on to Lineysha’s actual scene and can we take a moment to appreciate that Jessica Wild had a big, gold purse with her:

 

Still the cutest boy ever on this show, and by all accounts a really sweet person, LINEYSHA. Anyway, on to season 5. Vivienne is going a little too “real” with her Tati-peeve, but Lineysha’s nailing Tyra’s narcissistic, slow-talking, hangdog vibe. Even Ivy has to admit in interview that while she was kind of a nightmare to work with, she was on point and might be a force to be reckoned with.

Finally, Team Detox. They start off with the Phi Phi/Sharon fight about Sharon not deserving to be there because all she wanted was a cruise. I love how Phi Phi was the arbiter of who should and shouldn’t be there based upon the Phi Phi scale of entitlement. God, I still can’t stand her. Alaska admits that she told Sharon she wanted a cruise, but she really wanted the money and HAHAHA, they got both! Wah, waaaah Phi Phi. Detox and her mighty ass (seriously, it’s kind of amazing) is nailing Sharon’s dead pan way of talking but Alaska’s at a bit of a loss because Phi Phi talked fast and made no sense, but luckily for her, Phi Phi also flailed a lot so she’s just hiding behind that.

RUMP-SHA-KER!

Coco interviews that, OF COURSE, she got to be LaShauwn with her janky makeup. Not that Coco’s is ever janky, hers is usually flawless. And Monica is Jiggly…after the weight loss. Monica’s a little off and low energy so Detox tells her to just go crazy with it. Instead she starts speaking the lines which throws Coco off. But this team is so functional that Monica gets that she’s not performing as well as she could and we move on.

Runway Day! Alaska duhs in interview that it’s always tense because everyone’s nervous about getting the boot while Shady Jade whines about not wanting to be on the bottom. Ugh, I know she’s got her fans and I can’t stand Serena either, but you’d think someone who looks like a naked mole rat in a Ken Paves hairpiece out of drag wouldn’t be quite so diva-ish. Just because she’s better than Serena doesn’t mean she’s good.

Monica’s quietly putting on her makeup when Coco notices that something’s not right with her and comes over to talk. While Monica tries, and fails, to keep it together she interview that she doesn’t feel right and wants to leave because it’s getting too hard to keep her secret and this is getting way deeper than a silly little show mocking ANTM should. Coco sits with Monica and gives her the “Buck up, little camper,” speech but admits in interview that Monica’s not really there.

Sniff.

SHOWTIME! Ru’s a mid-century vision in sparkly black and white and greets this week’s judges: Michelle Visage, who is now scripted and apropos of nothing says this is the best group of queens EVA! Santino, who has nothing of value to say, Kristen Johnston who is (un)surprisingly attracted to Ru, and the crazy lady from Encino – Juliette Lewis and her totally natural-looking red wig.

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vallegirl
About

Vallegirl has never actually lived in a valley, has a lot of time on her hands and likes to yell at kids about how things were in her day.  Currently in LA, she's also spent a lot of time in the great states of  New York and Florida so she's not crazy, it's just a cultural thing.

20 Comments

  1. 1
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    I was saving this juicy bomb for the full recap..we have another porn star! Former, ahem.

    http://www.queerty.com/another-rupaul-drag-race-season-5-queen-may-have-a-pornstar-past-20130130/

    Link SFW but the link provided in that article is not. *shudders*

    Thanks for the shoutout last week, Vallegirl! Now back to reading.. :)

  2. 2
    PacoSauce
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 2:30 pm

    As annoying as the Alyssa/Coco feud is (which I’m sure will just so happen to come light on the episode where one is eliminated), they really turned it out this episode. If you can make Leshawn’s run memorable, then you really deserve the win.

  3. 3
    VelocityBird
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 2:48 pm

    I am going to make it my mission in life to say “Ooooooh…no she betta DON’T!” at least once a day.

  4. 4
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 3:36 pm

    Oh…my…god…Sarcastire, that link really, really isn’t safe for work. lmao Wow. I’ll be shaking that one off for a while. I think I had something clever to say, but…wow…um…I’ve lost it.

  5. 5
    April
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 3:59 pm

    I also want to say “OH no she better don’t!” all the time. I am talking more and more like a Drag Queen every day. I feel sorry for my husband who has to listen to it.

    My capcha is CATS AND DOGS. Serena was the Dog alright and the rest of the felines jumped her shit.

  6. 6
    Jessi
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    I actually really liked Kristin as a judge. She was definitely harsh, but very on point, and everything she said was pretty true. She can take over for Santino (bahaha, like Michelle would let that ever happen!)

    As much as I hate the fights on Untucked, I lived for the Serena takedown. You KNOW she must be impossible if 1) Alyssa and Coco team up to destroy her and 2) she makes you miss Tatianna.

    I watched the show at PhiPhi’s former home bar in Chicago, and everyone was cheering at Alaska taking her on. Poor PeePee was basically run out of Chicago, just like she was Texas. Whenever she was on screen last season (or last night) the whole bar would boo. Eeep. Long story short, you are not the only one who still isn’t over hating her.

    Final note, I wish just once someone on this show could make fun of an overweight person without having them eat chicken. It’s just lazy. Even the big girls do it themselves in the Snatch Game. There is more to mock than eating chicken. Stop.

  7. 7
    cbc-cca
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 5:42 pm

    Actually, I thought Honey ala Monique was waving around a biscuit. Monique was famous for the “two piece and a biscuit”.

    So glad the panamanian pomeranian was sashayed away. (Awesome alliteration, Vallegirl!) She left as clueless as she came into the competition. *shudder*

    I am in love with Coco Montrese. I agree … she is yummy!

  8. 8
    April
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 6:42 pm

    I watched this live chat the day after the show with Michelle Visage and the eliminated contestant so Serena was on and it had Mimi Imfirst and they even brought on Monica. Serena seemed very sad and defeated. Like I kinda felt sorry for him. When everyone hates you, it has to hurt. I think this will be a good lesson for him. He was not mouthing off at all.

    Monica looked beautiful and seemed happy. I might try to catch it again next week if I can remember.

  9. 9
    Chips.N.Whips
    Posted February 8, 2013 at 11:15 pm

    Still reading but had to comment on ” drag Andy Samberg “. HIGH – LARIOUS & so true!

  10. 10
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 8:24 am

    @Jessi, I love Tatianna, so I just think that Serena was just young and unaware of her impact on others, much like Tatianna…. and, as far as the big girls eating chicken, I think it’s used more for comedic effect rather than to be offensive. I’m curious who the Snatch Game characters are going to be this year because there’s such a talented group of queens this season. I hope Coco Montrese does a takeoff of Jackee’s character from 227, Sandra Clark.

  11. 11
    Jessi
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 8:29 am

    @Derek, I don’t think it’s offensive. I just think it’s a lazy shorthand. Like doing the splits and pulling off the wig during the LSFYL, I’m over it.

  12. 12
    Miss Molly
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 8:29 am

    When Ru asked Alaska why she wasn’t doing Needles in the lip sync skits and Alaska said “I DO Sharon all the time” I spit laughed.

  13. 13
    Sunny
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 10:27 am

    @Miss Molly- I did too! XD I was happy to see that Alaska was a lot more comfortable this week. I felt like I could finally connect with her! Team Rolaskatox!

  14. 14
    April
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 10:50 am

    Since Coco is a professional Janet Jackson impersonator she might do JJ.

  15. 15
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 11:11 am

    All I care about is that somebody (Jinkx) is doing Little Edie. She’s a staunch character. S-T-A-U-N-C-H. “Awwww-nestly. ”

  16. 16
    April
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    I feel badly that I had to look up who Little Edie was. I have heard of Grey Gardens but really did not know much about it.

  17. 17
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 3:56 pm

    April, it know Little Edie is to love her. The documentary seems bleak on paper, old money ‘American royalty’ family disowns daughter after husband divorces her. She and her daughter live together in their sprawling Hamptons mansion, which, 30 years later, is in a state of disrepair. But the spirit and openness of Big and Little Edie and how they’ve adapted to poverty without ever losing their fabulousness and sense (delusion?) of grandeur, makes this docu amazing. Little Edie became a fashion icon, and often imitated..even with a towel on her head!

    Back to the recap, I’m loving Coco Montrese. She’s quick-witted, fierce, and I’m sure, beef with Alyssa aside, a very generous and sisterly type of queen. I like Detox, too..porn past aside (Mr. Sebastian Ford, hunty!) But I think Kristen pegged him right when she said he acts like he has it all figured out..we all know Detox takes herself very seriously. And that’s fine, too but own it..don’t unconvincingly call yourself \humble.\
    Vallegirl, captcha ate my minicap comment but I said everything you said about Jade. She was loving the Serena pile-on because Serena was someone she could hide behind. I bet once Serena leaves, the girls come for her shady ass. But chances are, after she saw that full-room-read, she will cower in the face of any opposition. Shame, really.

  18. 18
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    I’m really sad that now there are two queens on this show who I will always picture with dongs in their mouths.
    Big fat dongs. :(

  19. 19
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted February 9, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    I’m okay with porn pasts but Detox made a song with Willam called Boy is a Bottom. Well, he is too!

  20. 20
    MellyMel
    Posted February 11, 2013 at 7:19 am

    @Chaosbutterfly I hate myself for looking at the Jade pics, because I have the same problem with her right now. I can’t see her without seeing Nazi porn.

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