Drag Race Recap: Shut up, Coco.

Recaps

By vallegirl | Friday, March 22, 2013 | 9:36 am | 21 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Drag Race, Recaps

Greetings and salutations, Gasmii! Did anyone else know that this was supposed to be the Season of the Fish? Alaska made a joke about it last week and someone else mentioned it this week and why is this the first I’m hearing this? Why would there even BE a Season of the Fish? No disrespect to all the fishy queens, because Carmen will have me know that it was a lot of work for her to be beautiful since she had to shave her ass and all, but being able to look like a biological woman isn’t really a talent that plays well over 14 weeks, you know?

Anyway, previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race, Roxxxy sucked, Coco was as sore a winner as she is a loser, they both bullied Jinkx because they’re seething balls of insecurity, jealousy and delusion, then Roxxxy broke down because she was so sure she was going home but said it was because her mother abandoned her and her sister at a bus stop so no one went home.

Would that this were true…

Queens return to the workroom after the non-elimination and the meaningful synthesizer lets us know that we’re still not done with Roxxxy’s “Come to Jesus” moment. In case you didn’t hear it the first 43 times, Roxxxy was left at a bus stop by her mother and taken away to an orphanage until her grandmother could get custody. Roxxxy claims she’s “never” cried over being abandoned. Alaska is incredulous, as am I, but I’ll give her a pass on that.

Especially since she makes extra special certain that she reiterates almost verbatim what she said on stage about coming off like a strong character but it stems from her fear of rejection. In interview she admits she doesn’t handle rejection well and gets angry so she took that anger out on the most convenient target, Jinkx.

ROXXXY ANGRY! SMASH!

Of course…this doesn’t explain why she was already being stank to Jinkx after Ivy’s win, but an epiphany is an epiphany. Especially since Roxxxy offers an honest apology and not the “I’m sorry you feel that way,” non-apology. Jinkx agrees and says she can’t stay mad at Roxxxy because they’ve all been through so much shit in their lives. I’m totally sure Roxxxy will remember this moment if she doesn’t do well this challenge.

Detox, on the other hand, while loving Roxxxy like a sister, is kinda pissed that it’s still top 7. Meanwhile, Alaska and her droll voice is beat down from the emotion, and being the ONLY queen who hasn’t won a challenge. I feel ya, gurr. It’s gotta hurt when Sideshow Coco wins before you.

Speaking of Sideshow Coco, she totally not at all shadily simply CANNOT believe she won the comedy challenge over Jinkx and Alaska, the two comedy queens, you know. Jinkx and Alaska try to push her away like she lost a bet with a fart, but Coco wonders, in interview, how COULD she possibly win when it’s totally out of her comfort zone, then totally smirks and preens. I’m sure it had absolutely nothing to do with different expectations for her versus the funny girls. Remember this for Untucked.

Remember this face when she sucks tonight.

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vallegirl
About

Vallegirl has never actually lived in a valley, has a lot of time on her hands and likes to yell at kids about how things were in her day.  Currently in LA, she's also spent a lot of time in the great states of  New York and Florida so she's not crazy, it's just a cultural thing.

21 Comments

  1. 1
    April
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 10:10 am

    Great Recap! Ivy is my vote for Miss Congeniality this season. She did not say one hurtful or negative word to anyone the entire time. She is a sweetheart. Also I would die for her to make me an outfit!

    I am going to cheer when Coco goes bye bye. Which I hope is next epi.

    Alaska was so awesome this challenge. It was hilarious and I have watched her commercial several times and I still laugh at it. Plus she looked amazing!

  2. 2
    Miss Molly
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 11:00 am

    Coco needs to gogo.

  3. 3
    Meg
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    Can I be best friends with Ivy please? She’s so adorable and sweet. I wish when, after being told to sashay away, she got out those throwing knives (which she said she’d packed but couldn’t figure out how to use in a runway) and took a shot at Coco’s head.

    And Jinkx, oh my dear cute quirky Jinkx. Please take Coco out back and beat her over the head with a joke book. Maybe then she’d get a sense of humor.

    As for Jinkx and Ivy, it’s sweet that they decided to remain really close friends. I had such good ship names for them, though (Ivy Monsoon! Jinkx Winters!).

  4. 4
    Meg
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    Regarding Untucked, I did like that Detox gave Coco a piece of her mind and defended Jinkx. Perhaps Rotox (gag) will fully disband and Detox will hang around with Jinkx and Alaska. It really is Pageant Girls vs Comedy Girls now.

    In other news, Ivy stated that she is “100% on Team Jinkx”. Awww.

  5. 5
    juddfan
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 1:32 pm

    great recap valle, and it was great to see those ads again!!! Guess I don’t know enough about the orange troll to be hatiin’, you brought it nicely! I think coz Coco got the pink box, her days are numbered!

  6. 6
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 1:42 pm

    \Bunhead O’Spooge\- Oh Vallegirl, werk it! That was f-ing funny! Aubrey O’Day is such a cooze- I have no idea who she is but have had the trauma of hearing the name before.

    I will be the first to admit, yes, when Ru says may the best woman win, my arm does start to imitate her…..

    If Coco doesn’t leave soon, I shall go insane. What a Phi Phi cooze.

    Can’t stand Alyssa, but do chuckle when she does one of her Jane Hathaway faces!

    Roxxxy is sinking into the abyss…..Ivy’s gone (loved her) Detox and Sharon- ho hum, cheering for Jinkxy now.

    Keep up the delicious snark!

  7. 7
    jarthon jarthon
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    Ivy really should have taken her fragrance to the circus. She could have said how dangerous her scent was and done her sword swallowing or fire eating and that would have been phenomenal! Granted, it might have taken the win away from Alaska (who I think won only cause everyone else was pretty far off the mark this week [but she's my favorite]) but it also would have kept her around.

  8. 8
    Lee
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 4:01 pm

    I’m sorry, but all of those scents probally smelled like ass. I mean, when it comes down to it Perfume is pretty much science, Roxxxy listed a bunch of tasty stuff, but not something that probally smelled good in perfume form. I was kind of sad to see Ivy go, he was really attractive and his awkardness and all around lack of intellegence was so adorable and cute, I’d like to see her win Miss Congenialty over Jinkx. Also, maybe it’s because I’m not that old [ Born in 87] but I seriously thought Joan Van Ark was the chick from Good Morning America in the 90′s, turns out I was thinking of Joan London, I kept thinking when they were going to mention that.

  9. 9
    juddfan juddfan
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 5:09 pm

    @jarthon, absolutely brilliant idea for Ivy . . . amazing!

    Oh yeah, Joan was on Knots Landing, not sure if it was Dallas too . . . yes, I’m old!

  10. 10
    chooch850 chooch850
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 5:48 pm

    I was so sad to see Ivy leave. She was such a sweetheart and so talented. She was such a natural beauty too. I’m with the rest of you. It will be a happy dance day when Ru tells Coco to sashay away!

    As for Aubrey, I HATED her on “Celebrity Apprentice”. She thought she was the smartest person to ever be on the show. Of course Trump loved her!

  11. 11
    PacoSauce
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 7:23 pm

    By the time the runway rolled around, I was convinced that Aubrey was trying her hardest to become the new Michelle. The barbs were way too forced and she looked like the tackiest wannabe drag queen on the main stage. You’re not going to get Michelle’s job, irrelevant.

  12. 12
    Meaghan
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 8:37 pm

    On that note, I’m dying to see whose dress Santino calls “one of the worst dresses I’ve seen on Drag Race”. One can only pray that it’s Coco. It probably won’t be–knowing my luck, it’ll be my Jinkxy–but who knows.

    Then again, it’s not like Santino has much taste. I kind of had to chuckle when Alyssa was practicing her roast routine and said “Santino, can you please shut the f**k up with your no-drag knowledge mouth”. Heh.

    Has anyone checked out the preview for next episode, when the queens come back from elimination? Poor Jinkx immediately bursts into tears when she sees Ivy’s farewell message. Which, of course, makes Coco be insufferable, and yadda yadda.

    Remember in last season’s recap when instead of writing “Phi Phi was insufferable” we just wrote “control-C” or something like that? Same thing here with Coco.

  13. 13
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 22, 2013 at 10:08 pm

    Nerd alert! Valle, I read A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius!

  14. 14
    mmmbuttery
    Posted March 23, 2013 at 5:30 am

    Am I the only one who thought Roxxxy was totally pulling off Chelsea from Teen Mom 2 realness during the first part of her commercial?! The hair, glasses, bronzer, everything …

  15. 15
    Meaghan
    Posted March 23, 2013 at 1:15 pm

    Warning: do not go on the Wikipedia page for this season, as someone has posted the bottom two and eliminated queen for the next episode (as well as the challenge winner).

    I hate being spoiled, but I had no idea it would be up already; the show is in reruns this coming Momday.

  16. 16
    abloomcinti
    Posted March 24, 2013 at 10:49 am

    Love this recap! I was going AWWWWW when I watched the scene with Jinkx and Ivy. Have you watched the video of the elimination chat with Ivy and Michelle? Ivy said that she had no idea Jinkx had a crush on her until she saw this episode on TV. I found it rather unbelievable, especially seeing the way Jinkx was looking at Ivy … but I love them both.

  17. 17
    badgerfreak
    Posted March 25, 2013 at 7:58 am

    Aubrey better never be invited back. I thought the challenge was interesting, but she decided to poison it at every opportunity. The ONLY thing she had that was nice to say was about Alaska, which rightly so. But she was just being mean for the sake of being mean. She kind of ruined this episode for me.

    I can’t even go there with Coco. At this point, I’m pretty certain they’re just keeping her around to boost ratings or something. She lashed out at Jinkx for no good reason, other than she felt that she got read, while Jinkx didn’t. And then Roxxy had the nerve to agree with her. Glad Detox finally stood up on her own and disagreed.

    Good for Alaska. It was a solid win. Jinkx was a close second.

    Can we get a challenge where they have to design and make their own dresses? We’ve only had 1 this season. Not nearly enough. And yes, I too raise my arm with Ru, I also sing as loudly as I can when he saunters down the runway.

  18. 18
    Jessi
    Posted March 25, 2013 at 9:55 am

    Is oompa loompa Aubrey O’Day the love child of PhiPhi O’Hara and Michael Kors? I seriously cannot understand that level of deluuuuusion, over the top judging, and general orangeness. Coco, I’m over it. Roxxxy, over you, too. @jarthon, your idea for Ivy is awesome! If only. However, Alaska made my life happy and it looks like Detox is getting her shit together at last. Glad Alyssa survived. If she goes before Coco, I will be very upset. Alyssa is clueless and socially awkward, but Coco is just plain nasty.

  19. 19
    Meaghan
    Posted March 26, 2013 at 6:57 am

    Here’s how I see it now:

    Coco will go next week. Then perhaps Roxxy–they’ll keep Alyssa on because she’s clueless. After that, Alyssa will sashay away, leaving us with a top three (finale) of Jinkx, Alaska, and Detox.

    From there, it’s anyone’s game, but here’s the issues:

    Detox is similar to Chad Michaels, and Chad just won All-Stars, so she might be out (although who knows).

    If Alaska wins, it’ll be controversial because people will say “she only won because she’s sleeping with Sharon Needles, the previous title holder”.

    Jinkx is still a dark horse, and a win for her would strike a blow for comedy/campy queens everywhere.

    Alaska and Jinkx have been seen performing together lately, and there’s speculation that they’re the top two (Jinkx said something about being on the journey towards becoming America’s Next Drag Superstar, which is the title the winner receives, but who knows).

    No matter who wins at this point, people will be upset, as they always are when their favorite doesn’t win. From what I can tell from various social media outlets, Jinkx has the most fans and people are pretty anti-Coco.

    That being said, it’s Ru’s show, and Ru will do what she jolly well likes. I’m trying to see who Michelle and Santino have been favoring, and it seems like Michelle has been converted to Team Jinkx while Santino is more on Team Detox (possibly Team Alyssa).

  20. 20
    Xouille Xouille
    Posted March 26, 2013 at 1:36 pm

    Lovely recap vallegirl. And I pretty much agree with everything you wrote.
    God this episode should have just been called Delusion… because some bitches conviced themselves they could do no wrong.

    After what they wore on this runway, I think Coco and Roxxxy should just shut up about the other queens’ looks.
    Coco chose the tackiest zebra print she could find and then… covered it with the tackiest accessories she could find. The bitch looked liked a Claire’s jewelry rack.
    And somebody should tell her – and Aubrey o’Day – that bright orange is not a natural skin color… unless you have fair skin and are recovering from a sunstroke.

    And then Roxxxy walked on that runway stuffed into a pink sparkly sausage casing, her nose contoured so hard it looked like an animal snout. Add a pair of antlers to that girl’s head and she’s Rudolfa the black-nosed drag reeinder.
    And the worse thing is that she only got called out for the bow, as if the whole look was not tragic…

  21. 21
    juddfan
    Posted March 26, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    @Xouille . . . Hahahha!!! Love your description of the nose contouring, I noticed that too, more than once, and it’s just crazy. As if women don’t have noses and are all Michael Jackson . . .

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