The queens are back in the workroom and ready for this week’s challenges. Honey Mahogany lets us know she’s anxious to learn what those challenges are because she has to prove she deserves to be there. Show of hands? Vivi…zzzz and Honey: bottom two?
But whatever, it’s SHEMAIL time. Ru makes a ton of dance references, and between that, Travis and Chaz’s turn on Dancing with the Stars, I guess this week they’re dancing. And then, ah…mah…gah…Ru walks in wearing a pumpkin-colored velvet suit, giant afro wig and say “Hey, hey, hey…” proving that we are soulmates because I might still be crushing on Dwayne from What’s Happening! Then to drive it home, he does some of the Rerun dance.
This week’s mini challenge is to find out who are this season’s best dancers so they’re having a good, old-fashioned, Soooooooooul Traaaain dance off. Pit Crew, bedecked in briefs and giant afro wigs themselves, come in with a table full of afro wigs, including a John 3:16 rainbow wig. Queens have a few minutes to doll themselves up like 1970s Soul Train dancers and it’s time to dance.
So it’s not really a fair competition since Coco’s the only geezer in the cast old enough to remember Soul Train. Alaska, unsurprisingly, is awkwardly tragic, Detox is a little too cool but manages to put in some effort, Jinkx is a little surprised that Honey is rhythmically challenged, Jinkx makes up for her own rhythmic challenges by being funny, Pit Crew Jason’s not bad but Pit Crew Shawn’s more used to just standing around and looking pretty, then Ru and Alyssa dance as a pair because Alyssa’s no fool and yanked a piece of pumpkin satin as her “dress.”
Then this happened.
With the dance off over, Ru announces that the late, great Don Cornelius would have been proud of them but only two can win: Jinkx Monsoon and Coco Montrese (duh, even if Alyssa pulls a Miss Jane Hathaway face at the announcement). Again, with two winners and no prize, it’s another team challenge. The queens will be staging their own “drag ballet” – “No RuPaulogies.” (Ru wasn’t lying about stealing that from Willam.) They’ll be tracking the highs and lows of Ru’s career and they should think of it as the black “Swan Lake.”
Alyssa’s THRILLED at this challenge because she’s a dancer. This is what she does. Jinkx and Coco get called out to play pick’em and Coco’s first pick is…Alyssa. Ivy, Roxxxy and Detox all make various needle-scratching faces, and Detox lands on Scooby Doo. Ru’s all “hrmm” while Alyssa’s licking her lips in consternation but Coco admits that she’s no fool. She may have beef with Alyssa but Alyssa’s the best dancer there.
The rest of the teams shake out with Ivy, Lineysha and Alaska on Jinkx team while Detox and Honey are on Coco’s. This leaves Roxxxy, Vivi…zzzz and Jade. Coco’s BFF. Heh. Coco gets that this is a crappy position to be in, but still chooses Roxxxy. Jade’s all “the hell” and thinks it’s a slap in her face since they’re close, but did she see her dancing? It kinda sucked. Not Alaska sucked but just mediocre enough to be forgettable. (Pattern?) But fear not. Jade gets chosen by Jinkx, leaving Vivi…zzzz on Coco’s. Continuing her delusion, Vivi….zzzz bitches about being on a team of loud mouths and, again, I point out that being a loud mouth is kind of a drag queen job requirement.
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