Alyssa. LaToya thinks she’s gorgeous. But her singing? Not so much. Michelle agrees that her singing sucked but she didn’t let that stop her and gave a funny performance to make up for it. Moving on to Jade. Ruth and LaToya call out her whispery thin singing while Michelle just wants to know why she put all those random clip-on hairpieces all over her outfit.
Ivyyyyy Winterrrrs. Anita’s still in love with the dress and realizes it’s Ivy in all the photos. Santino thought she sounded as great as she looked so time to critique Jinkx Monsoon. LaToya praises her for the 10-second note at the end and Roxxxy fidgets and fumes because Jinkx is the “gimmick.” Michelle accurately points out that Jinkx doesn’t need to contour so hard (I’d say she should lighten her contouring by a shade or 8) and even though they may have a touch of crazy, they don’t have to look it.
This is way better than being told I suck.
Next up, asshole. Ru wants to know if Roxxxy’s wearing bronzer but it’s all her. Santino says its peanut butter and now I get the song. But as good as she may look (and where’s Michelle to talk about her contouring that makes her look like she’s got a turd on the tip of her nose?) Santino starts to point out how awful they sounded. This prompts Detox to grab Roxxxy’s hand because why be an asshole if the whole world can’t see it? Michelle wants to know what’s the what and Detox says “Rolaskatox,” like anyone on the panel gives a rat’s ass. Michelle sneers that they have a little sisterhood going? And Detox is all “Jeah, and Alaksa, too.” Michelle just reminds them, three weeks too late, that cliques can be dangerous in a competition.
They did alright. (Well, except Delta.)
And speaking of, what did the judges think of Detox? Santino’s still thinking of dead puppies and old man scrotum to get rid of his wood, but Michelle tells her not to rely on crutches, because what she thinks is unique (the jaw wiggle) can read as repetitive real quick. Finally, Alaska. Hiee. LaToya (giggle) loved Alaska’s line about (giggle) tucking her junk. How does she tuck her junk (double giggle)? Alaska promises to show her after panel but Michelle drops the hammer that she’s getting bored.
She thinks Alaska’s holding back and not wanting to be seen, then tells her not to worry about her group, worry about herself. Alyssa mimics Michelle because Alyssa SO was a teacher’s pet in grade school. Ru continues this line of critique and tells Alaska she thinks she hides behind shticky performances to hide any vulnerability.
Then Ru brings up how Sharon had shtick but always showed heart, too, and wants to see Alaska’s heart…totally missing how very fragile and vulnerable she looks right now. Ru asks if she hears what Ru’s saying. Alaska holds it together well enough to get through the critique but cries in interview that hearing she has no heart or vulnerability was rough.
It’s always Sharon, Sharon, Sharon.
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