Drag U Recap: Grow UP!

But, as always, the most important “facture” in their transformation will be their professors.

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Meeting in a ladies room, indeed.

Cristy’s working with Pandora who says, a propos of nothing, that she’ll have to shake that lady awake. Okay. Teeny, tiny, itty, bitty MJ is working with Latrice. (HAHAHA) They coo and smile and wave at each other and Latrice says “Come here, precious,” but not in Buffalo Bill kind of way. Which means Nicole’s with Raven, who says she knows how to get shit done, so the other two don’t stand a chance.

They all hug and, well, I know queens tend to be larger than the average woman but…

Awesome!

It’s like MJ’s a five-year-old who is meeting a giant Drag Santa. Anyway, on to Orientation. Pandora asks Cristy in a totally Val voice, “True or false. I’m pretty?” Cristy says true and Pandora agrees then moves on to the actual questions because sometimes a girl just needs a little validation. She wants to know where’s the craziest place Cristy’s had sex. Cristy gets all goofy and nervous which doesn’t get better when Pandora asks her if she even has sex but Pandy’s pretty sure there’s a ho in there, even if she acts shy.

Then to push Cristy further into her shell, she shows her the “Happy Hour” everyday drag look. Okay, happy hour makes sense because that’s something where you might actually want to look nice.

Cristy? Not so much. Pandora asks if she works in a factory and Cristy just keeps on a-giggling because she’s very embarrassed. All that giggling made Pandora notice that Cristy covers her mouth when she smiles and Cristy admits it’s a reflex from being made fun of for having crooked teeth as a kid.

Latrice asks MJ what her most embarrassing moment. She says just walking down the street thinking she looks cute and people thinking she’s a child. Latrice asks why she thinks men don’t take her seriously and she starts off vague, saying because she’s so small they think they can “run a game” on her then gets very specific about someone she was with for three years who stole from her, unaware Latrice did time. (For drugs, but still.) Latrice is all “Just tell me who it was,” but it gets better. Asshole stole all her money ON HER BIRTHDAY. For real. Go find him, Latrice. Latrice takes a more measured approach and says MJ just needs to get out of the head space but shows her the everyday drag photo, to prolong it just a little.

Oh, sweetie. You’re already pocket-sized and cute as a button. Go-go Barbie clothes aren’t going to make you seem like an adult. Latrice tough loves her that if she wants to be taken seriously she has to dress seriously. MJ just counters that she’s ready to be dragalicious. Heeey!