Previously on RuPaul’s Drag U… I know something happened last week…oh yeah. Divorcées got made over and then the youngest and thinnest one won! That was really exciting and memorable.
President Ru convenes the staff to discuss this week’s class. They’re real-life heroes in need emergency 911 makeovers and…
Oh, honey. No. Leave the themed costumes to Manila. She’s already halfway to anime as it is. Anyway, President Ru needs three professors to turn the heroes into hotties and sass up their everyday drag. So let’s meet them.
Christine is a sergeant in the Marine Corps who is retiring after serving 20 years. Having spent half her life in combat boots and fatigues, she wants Drag U to unleash her feminine side.
Virginia is a firefighter in training and dresses like a dude. She, too, wants Drag U to bring out her feminine side, but so her daughters can be proud of her. Because saying “My mom’s a firefighter” isn’t enough, I guess.
Bernadette’s a sergeant with the LA County Sheriff’s Department and in a twist, her wife (I’m guessing she’s the pretty blonde in the tiara) used to bring out Bernadette’s feminine side but now that she’s gone Bernadette wants Drag U to help her feel whole again.
With the introductions over, it’s time for the women to meet Ru. HE calls them his “sheroes” and then salutes them…incorrectly.
Palm IN, soldier!
He says that in the line of duty they sacrificed their femininity but Drag U will help them find their inner glamazon via the healing media of greasepaint, wigs and fierce frocks. Winner will receive fabulous prizes including cosmetics, gift certificates and a cash prize of –
Willam not included.
So ladies, if you’re ready…walk this way. No really. Walk this way. And pony it like the rent is due.
Like all the indelicate but biological women who pass through the doors of Drag U, they’re dumbstruck by the Drag Lab. Ru thinks it has more glitter and sparkle than a weekend marathon of Toddlers & Tiaras while Virginia sums it up thusly: “The Drag Lab is girly and pink and sparkly and everything [she isn’t.]”
Since even Barbie couldn’t handle that much girliness, the sheroes will be assisted by their very own drag professors!
Shannel wasn’t even talking.
Ru assigns Christine to Raven who says Christine, who is in uniform, wears “Ugg” boots…as in “ugly.” Never change, Cryptkeeper. Virginia’s working with Shannel who assesses her as “statuesque but very plain.” Humor, thy name is not Shannel. This leaves Raja with teeny, tiny Bernadette. Raja gets horny and says she loves a man in uniform.
Time for orientations. Shannel gets down to business holding up the before picture and wondering “WTF, Virginia?” Virginia turns her head away in either embarrassment or horror.
Shannel kindly avoids asking her if she was ever in prison, instead asking why her shirt’s so damn big. Because she bought it in the men’s department. Shannel wants to know if she ever tries to “feminize” her look and Virginia says she used to until about five years ago…when her daughter was diagnosed with cancer. Virginia gets teary-eyed and admits that at that point, everything went to her daughter. She shows Shannel her tattoo of her daughter’s portrait and tells her she promised the little girl she’d become a firefighter since her daughter wanted to be one. That is so sad.
So it’s time to move on to Raven and Christine. She wants to know what, if any, feminine traits Christine possesses and Christine admits that she’s pretty rough and tough rather than feminine. Oh, and she “swears too fucking much.” Raven wants to know if she acts that way on dates, too, and yeah. The last date she went on she ordered for both of them and, for some reason, didn’t get a second date.