I don’t know how or when I became such a Willam fangirl. Probably around the time he licked the makeup case to mark it as his own but definitely by the time he slutted it up to win both challenges. So I’m letting you know in advance that I don’t know how much this recap will actually focus on the (in)action of the episode and how much will just be a Willam recap. Sorry ‘bout it.
And now that we’re in the heart of the season, I noticed another positive “change” to the format. Someone got the memo not to include Jujubee, Raven or both Jujubee and Raven in every episode. I like this “absence makes the heart grow fonder” approach. Or in the case of Raven “How can I miss you if you won’t go away?”
Willam and Mariah appear to feel the same way.
This week’s class is ex-beauty queens whose crowns have long since rusted and Ru needs three professors to give them the royal treatment. Let’s meet them.
Julie peaked in high school when she was crowned homecoming queen and it’s been all downhill since then. She thought her life was always going to be rainbows and cupcakes because she was young and cute but recently everything fell apart and she wants Drag U to bring her sassy self back. She looks absolutely fine in that photo. Her hair is coiffed and shiny, her clothes fit and she’s wearing flattering makeup, not drag queen glamorous, but that’s a pretty high bar and usually requires a penis.
Qween was Miss Onyx Ohio and a Sooooooooouuuuulllll Traaaaiiinn dancer, but now she’s a foster mother to “crack babies” (her words). She’s gained weight since her prime and even though she’s plus-size, she feels invisible. She wants Drag U to make her feel like a queen again. And she’s another attractive woman who just needs Stacy London to boot camp her into realizing size is just a number then drag her around Manhattan to buy clothes that fit so she can see how much better she looks.
Ugh. This one. 40 really should be the cut-off point for that much candy-coated cuteness. Tamara was Miss Arkansas USA in 1997 and tells us she’s stuck in the past. In case you missed her neon-lime satin jacket. Tamara says she wants Drag U to teach her how to age glamorously and gracefully. Tossing the 1995 tie-dye, peace sign hoodie and side ponytail is a start, sweetie.
If you were too old to shop at Delia’s the first time that hoodie was in style, you’re probably still too old, now.
Ru comes out and gives his weekly song and dance about DPA and only one will draguate with top honors and win a year’s supply of strange cosmetics, a gift certificate and a cash prize that doesn’t include a naked Willam rolling around in the bills and walk this way:
He’s walking, he’s walking, he’s walking…and stop.
So Ru takes the women into the Drag Lab but they’re not quite as in awe of all the frou frou and girliness because, duh, beauty queens. And Sooooooooouuuuulllll Traaaaiiinndancer. Although Tamara has a moment, wondering why it’s not her closet. With the oohing and aahing done, it’s time to meet their professors:
Julie’s with Chad, who says the others don’t stand a chance against her, Tamara’s with Morgan who thinks Tamara and her big blue eyes are gorgeous, and Qween is with Willam who, after making drunken finger guns, notes that Qween’s African American which, in Willam’s words, means she probably has a lot more soul than the other white bitches. Then she smiles like this:
Willam is my spirit animal.