Drag U Recap: WILLAM!

Recaps

By vallegirl | Friday, July 13, 2012 | 11:00 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Drag U, Recaps

I don’t know how or when I became such a Willam fangirl. Probably around the time he licked the makeup case to mark it as his own but definitely by the time he slutted it up to win both challenges. So I’m letting you know in advance that I don’t know how much this recap will actually focus on the (in)action of the episode and how much will just be a Willam recap. Sorry ‘bout it.

And now that we’re in the heart of the season, I noticed another positive “change” to the format. Someone got the memo not to include Jujubee, Raven or both Jujubee and Raven in every episode. I like this “absence makes the heart grow fonder” approach. Or in the case of Raven “How can I miss you if you won’t go away?”

Willam and Mariah appear to feel the same way.

This week’s class is ex-beauty queens whose crowns have long since rusted and Ru needs three professors to give them the royal treatment. Let’s meet them.

Julie peaked in high school when she was crowned homecoming queen and it’s been all downhill since then. She thought her life was always going to be rainbows and cupcakes because she was young and cute but recently everything fell apart and she wants Drag U to bring her sassy self back. She looks absolutely fine in that photo. Her hair is coiffed and shiny, her clothes fit and she’s wearing flattering makeup, not drag queen glamorous, but that’s a pretty high bar and usually requires a penis.

Qween was Miss Onyx Ohio and a Sooooooooouuuuulllll Traaaaiiinn dancer, but now she’s a foster mother to “crack babies” (her words). She’s gained weight since her prime and even though she’s plus-size, she feels invisible. She wants Drag U to make her feel like a queen again. And she’s another attractive woman who just needs Stacy London to boot camp her into realizing size is just a number then drag her around Manhattan to buy clothes that fit so she can see how much better she looks.

Ugh. This one. 40 really should be the cut-off point for that much candy-coated cuteness. Tamara was Miss Arkansas USA in 1997 and tells us she’s stuck in the past. In case you missed her neon-lime satin jacket. Tamara says she wants Drag U to teach her how to age glamorously and gracefully. Tossing the 1995 tie-dye, peace sign hoodie and side ponytail is a start, sweetie.

If you were too old to shop at Delia’s the first time that hoodie was in style, you’re probably still too old, now.

Ru comes out and gives his weekly song and dance about DPA and only one will draguate with top honors and win a year’s supply of strange cosmetics, a gift certificate and a cash prize that doesn’t include a naked Willam rolling around in the bills and walk this way:

He’s walking, he’s walking, he’s walking…and stop.

So Ru takes the women into the Drag Lab but they’re not quite as in awe of all the frou frou and girliness because, duh, beauty queens. And Sooooooooouuuuulllll Traaaaiiinndancer. Although Tamara has a moment, wondering why it’s not her closet. With the oohing and aahing done, it’s time to meet their professors:

The Cockettes!

Julie’s with Chad, who says the others don’t stand a chance against her, Tamara’s with Morgan who thinks Tamara and her big blue eyes are gorgeous, and Qween is with Willam who, after making drunken finger guns, notes that Qween’s African American which, in Willam’s words, means she probably has a lot more soul than the other white bitches. Then she smiles like this:

Willam is my spirit animal.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6
vallegirl
About

Vallegirl has never actually lived in a valley, has a lot of time on her hands and likes to yell at kids about how things were in her day.  Currently in LA, she's also spent a lot of time in the great states of  New York and Florida so she's not crazy, it's just a cultural thing.

12 Comments

  1. 1
    Debby
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    LOVED your recap. There was ALMOST enough Willam in it for me.

  2. 2
    Timm
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 6:35 pm

    Willam for President!!!

  3. 3
    whatwhat
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    Julie deserved to win. I was hoping Qween would flaunt it, but she just kinda crumbled at the end there – she looked like she was having fun, but she wasn’t over the top. Bummer, because I was hoping she (or rather WILLAM WILLAM WILLAM) would win. But Julie showed the most dramatic change, especially after her performance in dance class. Tamara was probably one of my least favorite contestants ever because her entire demeanor seemed about as fake as fake gets from the moment she arrived till the moment she left. I don’t know what they were thinking.

  4. 4
    thatdariamom1332
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 9:54 pm

    Am I the only one that saw Julie as Meryl? Lost twins…

    I was really digging Tamara’s look, but her whole, “Nice girls don’t go to California!” thing was WAY over dramatic. And not in a “good for reality tv” way. In an old, outdated, narrow minded kind of way.

    Does anybody know if Willam will be on Drag Race All Stars?

  5. 5
    willam
    Posted July 15, 2012 at 10:49 pm

    i know if Willam will be on All-Stars or not.
    WILLAM

  6. 6
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted July 16, 2012 at 10:21 am

    OMG, WILLAM!

    Sorry, patterned response. I know you’re just teasing us with that little nugget because you won’t RuPologize for spoiling the season but still…OMG, WILLAM!

    @thatdariamom1332 – I thought Julie looked like Meryl, too. Especially in her profile photo. I considered calling her Mamie Gummer but decided not to.

  7. 7
    Chips.N.Whips
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 12:35 am

    Great recap! I too was hoping that Sashay would win but knew she wouldn’t when I saw her fade away. Couldn’t stand Tamara but loved the hell outta DeVille’s look. And she worked it til she opened her stupid mouth.

    Actually liked Morgan again. Was thrilled to see Willam and especially Chad!

  8. 8
    Chips.N.Whips
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 1:05 am

    Oh I forgot the main reason for my first post: WTF is a falculty? You are the first I’ve seen mention it but it drives me crazy. I think I understand the pronunciation issue (like the inability to say Sashay or, in my case, minimum). I hope to see it as a word of the day soon.

    Love you, Ru! And Starbooty too!

  9. 9
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Ru explained in an interview that the mispronunciation is an homage to his mother.

    And I can say, having a mother with a heavy Slavic accent, I understand. I will still occasionally pronounce every single letter (and then some) in the word “vegetable” and jokingly mispronounce “squirrel” the Natasha way (SQUEE-del) because that’s how my mom said it.

    I don’t normally say those words that way but it’s just so deeply ingrained that you can forget in passing.

  10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted July 25, 2012 at 12:53 pm

    I love that….I’m the same way with my mom. She’s Nigerian and says “whatever” like “wahrevah”. I say it that way too alot, but usually try not to do it around people who won’t get it, or they look at me strangely.

    And I’m tired of Drag U picking the wrong people. Tamara looked great, but was so annoying and I don’t think she changed at all. I bet she’s gonna go back home and return to wearing turtleneck long johns under her bathing suits.
    And her diatribe about how “they” won’t “let” nice girls go to L.A. anymore after this show was so idiotic, Morgan should have slapped her. Number one, I’m pretty sure nobody in Arkansas remembers or cares who she is. Number two, Arkansas is not heaven…as long as you’re a U.S. Citizen, there’s not really any rules about who can come in or out.

  11. 11
    Raven
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 3:46 am

    I’m not going anywhere, darling!

  12. 12
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 10:21 am

    SQUEEEEE!

    (You’ve beaten me down and brought me around to liking you…you evil bitch!)

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.