Yadda yadda yadda, more explanations and it’s time to assign their looks. First up, Julie:
Julie likes it and thinks that the look embodies everything she’s trying to regain while Ru tells her that the blonde hair opens up the face and emphasizes her cheekbones. If you say so, Ru.
Next up, Qween (that spelling is killing me.):
Qween thinks Sashay is gorgeous but isn’t sure if she can pull it off since she’s having problems even saying the name and Ru points out how the updo gives her height and lengthens her neck. Ru sees she’s crying, but she’s happy because the photo looks like when she was a beauty queen. She and Ru bond because it looks like when he was a beauty queen, too.
Ugh, I can’t. She wanted something “divinely feminine” and squeals and whines that it’s not what she expected and she’s shocked. She thinks Denitta is tough and she’s a “sweet princess kitten,” and please make her stop talking. Ru points out that even kittens have claws and she finishes by whining that she doesn’t like it. Life isn’t a Lisa Frank poster, Tamara. Morgan agrees and just says she’s putting her in it.
Time for Lady Bunny and this week’s Lady Lesson:
Trust me, I get wanting to temporarily lift or tighten around the eyes or neck but…this seems so Mommie Dearest. Ru and Bunny exchange “facial” jokes and it’s time to meet this week’s porn actor who’s going to lead them through their lesson.
Okay, maybe he really is a “beauty expert.”
Not that that stops Willam from doing this:
Stay classy, sugar. Jeffrey’s there to show them how to use tape and an elastic band to create an “at home face lift.” To lessen the creepy factor Bunny and the queens are reading each other. While Tamara is shown how to tighten up her turkey neck Bunny makes a crack about Willam’s chin so Willam can ask Bunny what the 60s were like and Bunny can make this face:
Dead to Bunny.
Qween wants to lift her cheekbone area and Jeffrey shows a rather Brazil-like technique that will make her a supermodel, so Willam tells Qween to “throw a cell phone.” Wah wah, Naomi. Qween says it feels tight so Bunny can basically call Chad a whore. Then Julie wants an eyelift, but it’s just more taping and pulling. Since Willam doesn’t get any jokes that’s it for the lady lesson.
And now a word, from RuPaul.
Filler scene. Qween tells Willam she’s worried about looking heavy so Willam busts out the corset then reminds us of her Drag Race highlight by telling us she wears one after eating taquitos. (Blerg) Then Willam effortlessly shills for a sponsor before tying up Qween in the corset.
Morgan continues to try to euphemistically tell Tamara to get out of the Sanrio store and be a grown up while Chad wants to know what’s at the root of Julie’s perfectionism. Julie says she doesn’t want to let anyone down even though she’s understanding that her friends and family are not perfect.
Qween’s having insecurity pangs so Willam’s trying to tough love them out of her, telling her she’s beautiful, she’s going to own it, and tells her to smile and practice saying “I am Sashay ST. JAMES.” Except poor Qween can’t say Sashay and Willam tells her she lisps like a homosexual man. Heh. But Qween eventually gets there.
Still judging you.
Ugh, Tamara. She’s still pitching her fit about how awful Denitta De Ville is because she’s not riding a fucking unicorn and that the state of Arkansas will refuse to let their girls go to California after they see her middle-aged ass dressed up in a black corset (She knows the state has no say in who leaves, right?) and it’s all so obnoxious and not even well acted. Morgan becomes my hero by asking exactly when was she Miss Arkansas. Tamara says “1997″ and Morgan just says “Exactly.” Exactly, Morgan. Cut off that side ponytail and give her a real reason to be such a pain in the ass.