DTWS All-Stars Recap: Rock ‘n’ Roll Ain’t Here to Stay

Recaps

By PopePhilly | Thursday, October 18, 2012 | 6:00 am | 23 Comments
Posted in: Dancing w/ The Stars, Recaps

Hello, Gasmii!!!! Welcome to week four of “DWTS All-Stars.” Last week we lost Drew and Helio (since he’s gone, I’m not going to bother putting the accent over the e). None of that matters now. I can barely contain my excitement about this week! First, Paula Abdul is here. I can’t wait to see her interact with Bruno! Also, the results show is only an hour long and ends the best way I could possibly imagine!

This is how I look right now!

Tonight, our couples will be performing dances they chose for each other. I’m going to rant about this for a minute. I think this is kind of BS. Some of the contestants got actual dances (Charleston, Mambo, Bolero, Jitterbug) while other contestants got styles of dance (Bollywood, Rock ‘n’ Roll, Hip Hop, Contemporary). It seems like it would be far easier to perform a dance in a certain style than it would be to perform an actual dance. Something like the Charleston or the Bolero has, for lack of a better term, set rules! There are certain moves that have to be done for it to be considered that specific dance. Something like Hip Hop or Bollywood would allow a dancer to pretty much do whatever he or she wants! I don’t think this challenge was thought through very well.

This is my face in regard to that rant.

Also, I hope you all appreciate me embedding the videos of the dances into my recaps, because tonight, this is the picture staring back at me from YouTube:

Welcome to my  nightmares.

OK, let’s get right into the episode, shall we? Before we get to the dancing, I have to say that I’m already loving Paula at the judges’ table! One of her first comments is about dealing with a cranky British man on “American Idol.” When Tom asks her what she’s looking for in the dances, she just says she’s looking for Simon and Randy. Then Len offers to put on a tight black T-shirt. I love the amount of crazy that Paula brings to the show. I’m thrilledthat she is sitting next to Bruno. Ha! She thinks that Carrie Ann would be the prettiest girl on the panel if it weren’t for Bruno. Paula has probably been drinking since noon.

Also, bitch is 50!

Our first dance tonight is the Charleston performed by Kirstie and Maks! Kirstie was nervous about another fast dance, but knows that it requires a lot of character and that is her strong suit.

Yay! “42nd Street!” I love that song. We played it my sophomore year in college marching band (woo, Incomparable Golden Rams!). I know that I’m totally biased when it comes to Kirstie. However, I do realize that wasn’t the strongest dance we’ve ever seen. However, it might be the most fun we’ll have all night. It was cute, it was happy, it was relatively well done, and I think Kirstie really pushes herself week after week unlike some other contestants (*cough*Bristol*cough*). The random 69 on the floor was a bit weird, but, all in all, I liked it. 

What do the judges think? Len is a poet again and says that Kirstie turns Monday into a fun day! He would have liked it to be a little cleaner, but thinks she is the best when it comes to fun. Paula thinks Kirstie is great at taking on characters and she’s a joy to watch. Maks is just “eh.” Ha! I love that Paula owns her crazy! Bruno loves that Kirstie is a mad woman. That’s all I really understood from Bruno. Somewhere in there he talked about ass slapping and Shelley Winters. Carrie Ann also likes the entertainment value and thinks Kirstie looks stunning.

Scores:
 Carrie Ann – 7.5
Len – 7.5
Paula – 7.5
Bruno – 7.5 (boring Bruno again tonight)
30/40 

Next up is team BM (Bristol-Mark). They’re dancing Rock ‘n’ Roll. I know when I think of rock music, I think of ultra conservative wingnuts. Note: I don’t hate conservatives. I hate wingnuts. Also, she’s kind of stupid. She thought Rock ‘n’ Roll would be head banging. Perhaps she was right last week when she thought Mark wanted to go home. When he mentions that the song they’re dancing to is “At the Hop,” he wants to dress up as a rabbit. DO IT, MARK!!!! Do it and go home where you can dance for real! Save yourself!

There’s also a really staged make-up scene. I think Bristol doesn’t know how sarcasm works because she keeps asking Mark if he’s going to wear a rabbit costume. Also, she doesn’t want to throw in any tricks or gimmicks. Seriously? If the judges say you can do lifts, you fucking do lifts! I love that Mark openly says that he’s dumbing down the routine for Bristol. I have a feeling a lot of things are dumbed down for Bristol. 

Well, that was the most boring dance ever. It really looks like Bristol just gave up. Honestly, a rabbit suit would have at least made that interesting. What do the judges think? Well, after they wake up from that snoozefest, Paula says that she can finally see that Bristol is at least having fun. Paula does warn her that she needs to keep pushing herself. Bruno thought Bristol finally got pumped up. Really, Bruno? Are we watching the same show? Did something more exciting happen in the studio? What?!?! Carrie Ann gives her a high five. Mother fucker. Len thinks that Bristol gave it her all. It’s pretty sad if that dance was Bristol’s all. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s all she can do.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 8 (What the fuck, Carrie Ann!)
Len – 8 (Seriously, Len?)
Paula – 8 (Put the alcohol down, Paula!)
Bruno – 8 (You are dead to me, Bruno!)
32/40 
I call bullshit. There is no way that was better than Kirstie’s dance! Did the Tea Party pay off the judges this week or something? There is no reason for this!

Sabrina and Louis will be dancing Disco. Before we get to anything, we have to talk about Sabrina’s costume. I’m sitting here crying because someone skinned Cookie Monster. Where was PETA on this one?

C is for cruelty. That’s good enough for me.

Sabrina and Louis rehash their time in the bottom two. It’s a very scripted moment. I have to say, however, there is something about Louis that makes me enjoy looking at him. I wouldn’t say he’s super good looking, but he definitely is interesting looking.  For the dance, they don’t want to do  Saturday Night Fever because it’s such a cliche. Instead, they’ll be going for more of a Studio 54 feeling. Now we know why the suspicious white powder was delivered to the studio last week. 

So, every time I hear that song, this is what pops into my head: 

I really wish Louis would have dressed up like Gru and Sabrina would have been minion. That would have earned some 10s! Anyway, their dance was great as we’ve come to expect from Sabrina. Bruno calls a Bruno a disco diva, but she lost timing a little bit. Apparently, Bruno counts the entire time the couples are dancing. Carrie Ann starts arguing with Bruno. Paula gets annoyed, but Len is having a moment where he remembers himself dancing in the 70s. Paula liked it – that’s about it.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 9
Paula – 8.5 (but she still loves Sabrina!)
Bruno – 9 
35.5/40

It’s time for Emmitt and Cheryl to perform the Bolero! Apparently, this is one of the Latin dances that Cheryl doesn’t know how to do. She has to bring in some outside help for the choreography. Their rehearsal really is a boring segment. Stop being so normal, Emmitt!!!! 

OK, so why did Emmitt’s shirt have that sheer panel around the middle of it? What are the costume designers thinking on this show? “Well, a plain silk shirt is nice, but let’s really class it up by making the part around his midsection sheer!”

As for the dance, it made Carrie Ann cry. She loves watching a big burly man being sexy and dramatic. Len was concerned about this dance for Emmitt, but thought it was very fluid with just enough raunchiness. I love it when Len is a dirty old man. Paula calls Emmitt a sexy beast. Bruno just has an orgasm. I think he’s hornier than Carrie Ann. Aw! Emmitt says happy birthday to his daughter Skylar (I think that’s how it’s spelled). Happy birthday, Skylar! Oooh. It’s ruined when he says, “Daddy’ll see you sometime soon.” That just sounds…weird.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 9
Paula – 9
Bruno – 9
36/40

Yay! Gilles and all his bare chested, stubbly, and messed up hair sexiness is up next! He and Peta will be dancing Bollywood. Peta knows nothing about this style, so she brings in an expert to help them out. Despite the extra help, the dance just isn’t coming together. This is exactly where I predict that they’ll most likely get a perfect score. 

Pages: 1 2 3 4
PopePhilly

Aside from making fun of reality television on a weekly basis, PopePhilly is a legal assistant by day and avid kickball player by night (well, at least on Thursdays). On the nerd front, she is an active member of the forensic speech and debate community. She spends her time judging at tournaments throughout the country and serving on the board of directors for the West Chester University alumni chapter of Pi Kappa Delta (yes, speech nerds get to pretend to be cool by having Greek letters).

23 Comments

  1. 1
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 8:56 am

    I thought Bollywood and contemporary were the toughest assignments because they’re built on technique not specific moves. And it’s technique that ballroom pros aren’t that familiar with, if they’re familiar with it at all.

    With all the others, including hip hop and bolero, there’s a social analog to the professional dance so the celebrities can probably learn those dances, albeit never at a professional level because that takes years of training. But Bollywood and contemporary have no social dancing analog. They’re purely professional dances so even the ballroom pros are at a disadvantage because they’re training doesn’t usually encompass Bollywood or classical technique.

    Of course I also think the judges scored on a curve to account for this, which I thought made it fair.

    And fairest of all was losing Bristol so the rest was just icing, anyway. YAAAAY!

    But I’m on record as not “feeling” most of the Latin party dances on DWTS because they’re usually so non-Latin and Derek and Shawn’s mambo was no different. Packed with tricks and difficulty but none of the loose, free-moving hips and shoulders that make that style entertaining. Just listen to some Tito Puente or Perez Prado. It’s raucous and jazzy, not crisp and pristine. Shawn and Derek are such perfectionists that they didn’t have the “sponaneity” that should go with Cuban dances.

  2. 2
    Kathee Johnston
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Thank you so much for inserting the videos into your comments!!! I beg you to continue this format!!!!!! Funny, insightful, and informative recap as usual!!!!!!!!!

  3. 3
    Pikey578
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 10:59 am

    Bye Bristol! I am not sad to see your negative attitude leave the show. Kirstie may not be a great dancer but her attitude is infectious and she seems to really enjoy what she is doing. But, she should also be the next to leave. Great recap!

  4. 4
    wcsdancer
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 11:32 am

    I’m so over Emmit this season. Especially compared to Gilles.

    I have to disagree a little bit about Kirstie. She actually *is* a decent dancer…compare to Shawn. Of course Shawn is great at performing a choreographed routine, but she has no musicality. She dances on top of the music. Kirstie, on the other hand, is less skilled at perfecting the choreo, but she actually dances *in* the music. She really feels it. I enjoy that about her.

    Most of my knowledge of contemporary comes from SYTYCD, and I thought Val and Kelly did a respectable job (even though Kelly is not my favorite). Kelly is not a trained dancer, but she did a pretty good job with her lines, pointed feet, and finishing her moves.

    So glad Bristol is gone. She so obviously didn’t want to be there, I don’t know why she agreed to. Oh wait – MOAR MEDIA ATTENTION! Since, ya know, they won’t leave her alone. *eyeroll*

    I want Gilles to win. He should have in his season.

  5. 5
    Faye
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    Can we just skip the rest of the season and just watch the finale rematch with Gilles and Shawn? They were good in their original season but they have better partners and more relaxed rules and it’s letting them really shine.

    I don’t get the Sabrina love. She’s a good dancer but like Melissa amoung a group of people who can all dance, she is quite forgettable. If she wins this season I will make someone smaller and weaker than me each a roach

  6. 6
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 2:11 pm

    @vallegirl: I see where you’re coming from. However, I still think that some of the dancers benefited from the judges not being familiar with the dances. Yes, Gilles dance was cool (and I’m rooting for him to win the whole thing), but Len even flat out said he didn’t know anything about Bollywood – he simply liked the dance. I guess it’s probably better to say there were pros and cons to each side of it. However, I think we can all join hands across America and sing because Bristol is gone!

    @Kathee: No need to beg! The videos actually make my job a lot easier. 1.) I don’t have to pause every few minutes to get a screen grab (which is hard during the dances anyway) and 2.) I don’t have to try to describe the dances.

    @Pikey: As much as I don’t want to admit it, you’re right about Kirstie leaving. She’s got an awesome spirit and always seems to try hard, but she’s just not as good as the others. I’m sure some of that has to do with 1.) She’s significantly older than the remaining couples by at least 18 years (Emmitt being closest in age at 43) and 2.) I’m not calling her fat (I’ve ALWAYS had to struggle with my weight, so I’ll never judge someone else for theirs), but she’s definitely not in the same shame that Shawn or Kelly or Apolo is in.

    @wcsdancer: After reading your comment, I went back and watched Kirstie’s and Shawn’s dances and I think you’re right. Shawn seems to do this in a very technical way – this is her job, she gets it done. It’s impressive, but it doesn’t make you smile the same way that Kirstie just having fun will.

    @Faye: I won’t be too surprised if Sabrina wins the whole thing. It would be the ultimate comeback story. As long as Gilles makes it to the finals, I’m happy. :)

  7. 7
    Faye
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    @PopePhilly: For me what Sabrina lacks is that one defining moment/dance that gets someone to the finals regardless if they do crappy the rest of the season or not. Shawn has had 2 moments (quickstep, mambo) and Gilles has his Bollywood number. In Kelly Osbourne season it was her first dance (Waltz), Helio had the quickstep, etc. Every season someone has that one defining moment and all Sabrina has is she was kicked off early 10,000 seasons ago. She’s a good dancer but lacks that certain “ummmph” that makes her stand out to me. It’s what I called the Britney v. Christina argument. Christina has the talent but Britney has IT and IT goes a lot further than talent. I mean it’s the American way. Ask all of Beyonce’s back-up singers :)

  8. 8
    CoolKymom
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 5:57 pm

    Fab recap!!!

    So glad to see Bristol gone. Enjoyed Paula as a judge. Felt uncomfortable with Val and Kelly dancing in their underwear. But have to admit that my heart did a little flip when he sprinted up the stairs still holding her in his arms. I think those two are are feeling more than a dancing connection.

  9. 9
    CoolKymom
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    Also for some reason karina irritates the heck out of me. I wonder how apollo feels about having her as a partner. I can’t remember…who was his partner his original season????

  10. 10
    wcsdancer
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

    Apolo had Julianne Hough his first time. I happen to like Karina, though.

    One thing I do like about Shawn is that she doesn’t emulate Derek’s over-the-top facial expressions. She just performs with a big smile on her face.

    I’d rather they stick to ballroom dances.

  11. 11
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted October 18, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    I want to roll Gilles in chocolate and crushed peanuts and then lick everything off.
    Lord, that man is hot. They need to make clones of his fine self.

    And if Val and Kelly aren’t doing the horizontal mambo, I’ll eat my hat.
    The way she talks about him is not how people talk about their dance partners.

    And Melissa needs to sit all the way down with her creepy Shawn obsession. I was so irritated when she said that she wanted the judges to tell her that she was a different person from Shawn. Bitch, they know you’re a different person. You’re the one who keeps on comparing yourself to Shawn.
    She and Tony get on my last nerve.

    Shawn looks like Chuck E Cheese.

  12. 12
    chooch850 chooch850
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 1:27 am

    Karina….. she was so focused on impressing Paula and Carrie Ann because Hip-Hop is their “thing”, she forgot about Apolo. She admitted in an interview after the show, that she fell because she “threw in” an unrehearsed karate kick, that Apolo didn’t even know about, and that’s when she fell down. She was just trying to show off and it blew up in her face. THAT’s why she was crying!

    I can’t believe you guys were bothered by Kelly and Val in their underwear… come on! What a bunch of prudes. Edyta wore less than that every single week. Give me a break….

  13. 13
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 6:33 am

    @Faye: I like the Brittany vs. Christina analogy. I’m going to start using that. I never really thought of this show that way before, but there definitely is something to the “it factor.”

    @Coolkymom: The underwear didn’t bother me – Shawn’s costume was just as revealing if not moreso. I was uncomfortable about the way they were acting toward each other when they were NOT dancing.

    @chaosbutterfly: The image of Gilles in chocolate is going to get me through this very long day. Thank you for that. As for the Melissa/Shawn thing, I wonder if they’re friends and jokingly call each other out and trashtalk and we only saw Melissa’s side of it. I’m really hoping she’s just not that creepy.

    @chooch: Argh! Well, at least Karina’s showboating didn’t get Apolo kicked off. I’m kind of indifferent on that pair, but I wouldn’t want to see him kicked out because of something stupid she did. Also, like I said before, the underwear didn’t bother me. I was uncomfortable watching Val and Kelly dry hump all night – on and off the dance floor.

    Also, in sad news, Anna is getting divorced. :(
    http://www.bittenandbound.com/2012/10/18/dwts-pros-seek-divorce-anna-t-and-jonathan-roberts/

  14. 14
    SaraKate
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 8:16 am

    EXACTLY PopePhilly! It’s not that they were wearing underwear, it’s their behavior in it. Gross.

  15. 15
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 9:11 am

    “You made little Lenny very hapy”, I hope he wasn’t talking about his penis….bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa too funny PP!!! (Though I had the same thought when he said it!)

    Let’s just call Gilles the winner and be done, I so adore that fine piece of man!

  16. 16
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 9:28 am

    @SaraKate: Pron doesn’t bother me either. Porn showing up in places where it shouldn’t (like a ballroom competition) bothers me.

    @Pat: Let’s all decided that “Little Lenny” is a euphemism for “penis.” We’ll make it a thing. I agree with declaring Gilles the winner. However, the show should finish its run with just him dancing for several hours each week. Even better, let’s just let him be shirtless or in a suit (he’s incredibly sexy in both) for the entire episode. Ratings would skyrocket!

  17. 17
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 11:44 am

    @PopePhilly I so agree, I thought Gilles got robbed last time, he can really dance and MAN he is sexy sexy sexy!!! I say let him just wear a thong though, why bother with anything else? I’d say naked, but that won’t happen unless he shows up at my house (one can dream).

    @chaosbutterfly, I’ll be glad to help you roll Gilles in that chocolate and such!

  18. 18
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 12:57 pm

    That’s sad, but not surprising about Anna’s divorce.
    They were just on an episode of HGTV’s Design Star All Stars, getting their condo decorated, and they seemed pretty disconnected.
    More like familiar roommates than married people.

    @Pat Ledoux, I appreciate the offer, but this is a one-woman job soo….yeah…gonna have to decline.
    You’re welcome to watch though.
    No touching.

  19. 19
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    @Pat: We should change up the clothing (or lack thereof) each week to keep it interesting.

    @chaosbutterfly: I would also like to be a ticket to watch the Gilles rolling event!

  20. 20
    kron
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 2:46 pm

    omg, first thing I thought when I saw Sabrina: Why is she dressed up like the Cookie Monster?
    I was really hoping Kirstie would win when I started watching this season, but I just don’t think she has the technical skill compared to everyone else unfortunately.
    My prediction is that it’s going to be between Shawn and Gilles again, but this time Gilles better win!!!!!! I love watching him dance and he seems so invested in every dance. Did you know he played a dance teacher in a recent episode of Royal Pains?
    Apolo is also really starting to grow on me. He really does seem to get sexier every week. :)

  21. 21
    SororSalsa
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 9:21 pm

    vallegirl….you are SO right. But I think that’s because ballroom “Latin” is a totally different animal from the salsa & mambo that’s traditionally danced. It’s based more on patterns than mambo, cha cha cha, son, etc. I taught ballroom before I started dancing salsa, and it was a relief not to have to be so stiff and not move my hips and shoulder, when the music made that natural. Also, what they were doing is closer to LA-style salsa, where a lot of tricks and lifts are common. New York style salsa is footwork heavy and you don’t see lifts and tricks very often.

    The cha cha that Cheryl and her friends was a bit closer to the cha cha that I’m used to…still a pattern, but perhaps because they were dancing to “Oye Como Va”, it was a bit more traditional and less ballroom-y.

  22. 22
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted October 19, 2012 at 9:36 pm

    Didn’t see Kelly and Val as looking any different from what we see every season on SYTYCD. Except Kelly sells the emotion better because she’s an actress. And the outfits weren’t all that revealing, either.

  23. 23
    Kylie
    Posted October 23, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    As a dancer without a ballroom background, I hated the Bollywood, Contemporary and Hip Hop dances, especially the Hip Hop. I don’t know who Karina got to help choreograph, but it was badddddddd 90s pop that nobody does or likes anymore.
    While the Bollywood and Contemporary were good tries, I noticed they were both songs that So You Think You Can Dance have used, and both of those dances were incredibly iconic for that show. I know that Jai Ho is pretty popular for that genre of music, but….

    Above all, I’m THRILLED Bristol finally went home. Her face and voice needed to go bye bye.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.