DWTS All-Stars Recap: Country Roads, Send Me Home

Recaps

By PopePhilly | Thursday, November 1, 2012 | 6:00 am | 20 Comments
Posted in: Dancing w/ The Stars, Recaps

Happy Halloween, Gasmii. OK, by the time you read this, it will most likely be All Saints Day. Last week, we had Guilty Pleasures Night. This week, it’s Country Night. Meh. I never cared much for modern country music. These days it’s just pop music with cowboy hats. Also, it makes Tom say “ya’ll stars.” Shut up, Tom. I used to like you a lot.


I hereby revoke his speaking privileges.

Tonight, each dance will feature a solo performed by the “celebrity.” Also, later in the evening, there will be a group dance. First up, Gilles and Peta are performing a cha-cha to…”Man, I Feel Like a Woman”? Really? I guess it’s good to put our dancers in a situation that is outside of their comfort zones, but a man doing a solo to one of the ultimate female anthems is just going to look silly. I wonder if the producers were drunk when they decided on this. 

 So, yeah, that happened. Don’t get me wrong, it was danced well. It just seemed off. Again, watching Gilles do a solo to that song was just weird. It would have made a lot more sense had a woman been dancing by herself. Also, I’m going to take a moment to rant about one of my biggest pet peeves with “DWTS.” I hate it when they basically recreate a music video or movie scene. I’d rather see a couple interpret a song in their own way. As much as I didn’t care for Melissa and Tony’s dance last week, at least the “mad scientist” theme was creative. Gilles and Peta just chose a cop out theme this week. *Rant over.*

Since I didn’t care for that dance, I’m sure the judges are going to love it. It’s the way it always goes. Len lovs that Gilles commits 100% whenever he dances, but he was a little bit loose in the legs. Bruno would like to pay a visit to whatever country Gilles was representing. A cold shower for Bruno, please. Carrie Ann makes sure she is sufficiently strapped into her chair. She thought that the dance was creative. Yes, it was creative when Shania Twain did in back in the late 90s. Carrie Ann also thinks that Gilles sometimes has T-Rex hands. I love the imagery for that. Gilles hopes that those of us on the East Coast still have TV. Don’t worry about power or anything like that – just TV.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 9
Bruno – 9 and a HALF
27/30
 84/90 overall

Before I get to the next dance, here is something not dance related, but cute. I got up for a minute just to go the bathroom and someone else decided to take over my recap writing.

She’ll take credit for all the funny stuff, I’m sure.

Sabrina and Louis are dancing a rumba to a song I’ve never heard before. I really need to listen to more popular music. I’m just too much of an old woman to like anything new. Sabrina gives us this big sob story about her ex-boyfriend and his drug use. Apparently, it wasn’t a bad relationship, he was just really into drugs. That seems to be the very definition of a bad relationship, Sabrina!

I know Sabrina said that there was real emotion behind this dance. However, I still felt like she was forcing it. It didn’t quite look natural to me. Yes, technically, that was a really great dance. To me, anyway, there is just something about Sabrina that isn’t charismatic. That’s just my personal opinion. This is where I figure the judges will give them a perfect score.

Bruno thought it was wonderful. I also heard the word intriguing in there. He’s very calm, but I still don’t understand him much. It’s a lot of good adjectives. Carrie Ann gives Sabrina a big hug. Bruno and Len hug it out too. Carrie Ann is happy that she has finally seen vulnerability in Sabrina. Len really liked the balance and the choreography. As always, he’s really straight forward. Sabrina is praying for the east coast as well. She wants to know that everyone there is safe. The east coast is a big area. I’m kind of hoping that someone from Maine calls her to say that they’re OK. 

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 10
Len – 10
Bruno – 10
30/30 Our first perfect score of the season!
88.5/90 overall

 Kelly and Val are dancing a tango. Why are they so damn creepy every time we see them not dancing? Can they just have sex on the dance floor and get it over with already? 

Oh, look. They made out when the dance was finished. How long do you think it will be before they finally come out and admit that they’re boning in their free time?

I’m not Kelly’s biggest fan, but I really liked that dance. I think I just like the tango in general. What did the judges think? Carrie Ann thought this dance was a good comeback. Len thought it was a bit too hectic and Kelly had a few neck problems, but mostly kept it under control. Bruno says something about Gone with the Wind.Other than that, he just agrees with Carrie Ann.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 9
Bruno – 9
27/30
78.5/90 overall

Melissa and Tony are dancing a Viennese waltz and they’re still complaining about Melissa’s neck. Apparently that’s never going to die.  

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PopePhilly

Aside from making fun of reality television on a weekly basis, PopePhilly is a legal assistant by day and avid kickball player by night (well, at least on Thursdays). On the nerd front, she is an active member of the forensic speech and debate community. She spends her time judging at tournaments throughout the country and serving on the board of directors for the West Chester University alumni chapter of Pi Kappa Delta (yes, speech nerds get to pretend to be cool by having Greek letters).

20 Comments

  1. 1
    SaraKate
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 6:47 am

    So frustrated! I REALLY liked Sabrina and Louis together! It wasn’t just that they were good dancers, but I thought they were always having so much fun out there. So much more enjoyable to watch than Kelly and Val, quite frankly – they just creep me out. RAWR.

    I thought the group dance was, in general, a hot mess…they played chicken with a train and SO lost.

    My favorite dances were Karina & Apollo (maybe because I love that song), Shawn and Derek (LOVE THEM!), and Sabrina and Louis.

    I would also ask that all clothing manufacturers follow Kirstie’s sizing chart. If she’s a size 6, so am I, and those clothes that lie to me and tell me I’m a size 10/12 aren’t very nice. That said, her dress was lovely last night, and very flattering!

  2. 2
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 6:59 am

    “There are millions of people without power, but don’t worry, Maks did a rumba for you”…

    HAHAHA Now that is funny shit! PP, what say we take turns riding cowboy Gilles? I’ll go first and call you when I’m done…which will be NEVER!!!

    Though I am not a huge Sabrina fan, her and Louie were amazing and were totally ripped off, but as you say, it is indeed a popularity contest, not a dance contest. Sad but true.

    On a final note, if Len ever shakes like that again, I shall have to gouge my eyes out.
    Awesome recap as always!!!!

  3. 3
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 8:03 am

    You know how you know Kirstie’s the best performer and most charismatic of the personalities? She manages to wrangle Maks’ very strong and occasionally difficult personality and brings out his most likeable qualities. Their partnership is mostly about her, not them or his wild Russian ego.

    She is the weakest dancer but I agree the show would lose a big spark when she gets eliminated.

  4. 4
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 9:28 am

    @SaraKate: If Kirstie is a 6, then I want to wear whatever she is! Don’t get me wrong, I always think she’s gorgeous at any size – the woman wears her 60 years very well. However, there is no way she is a 6.

    @Pat: Next week, Maks will be doing a waltz for world peace! I’ve learned that watching this as a popularity contest makes me far less angry. I always say that about TV competitions – first and foremost, they are shows and need ratings to exist.

    @vallegirl: There is definitely something about Kirstie that makes Maks actually likeable. A part of me wonders if he’s just starstruck. Kirstie is by far one of the most famous people they’ve ever had on the show (if not the most famous). Also, I can imagine she doesn’t take his shit either.

  5. 5
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Although I like Louis, my extreme dislike for Sabrina makes me glad they were eliminated. Aside from (as you pointed out) her lack of charisma, it always grates on me that before she was on DWTS the first time, she had released MULTIPLE dance video DVDs. Unlike most of the other contestants who are learning as they go, she already knew how to dance.

    And she’s a little too satisfied with herself. Being genuinely humble gets people a lot farther on this show.

  6. 6
    wcsdancer
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 11:12 am

    When Brooke interviewed Sabrina and mentioned “this is when you left last time”, I had a feeling that she was going home.

    I’ve said this before, Shawn is great at performing choreography but she has zero musicality. She’s really not *dancing*, she’s doing a routine with music in the background. Kirstie has more musicality and actually dances, even though she’s not technically strong.

    I wish they’d just stop with the theme nights. Most of the country songs were from the 90s! And “Islands in the Stream”? Really??! Ugh. I didn’t like that in the 80s when it came out. (sorry, Dolly.) Yep, PP they incorporated every stereotype into the group dance choreo…I’ve danced CW and never hooked my thumbs in my belt or pretended to be roping something.

    Hubby and I really enjoyed Jason Mraz. Taylor Swift? Not so much. She really needs to stop with the breakup songs already. It makes her sound like a twelve year old. I read somewhere that she wrote that “never ever ever” song to annoy her ex…apparently he mocked her music. I thought “well, did you have to annoy the rest of us too?”

  7. 7
    chooch850 chooch850
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    God I love your recaps! You and I think so much alike. I was saying in the forums the same thing you did about Sabrina. She left her last season for same reason she did this time… the viewers just don’t like her. It’s her personality, not her dancing, that gets her voted off. I also agree that the judges and their scoring are just bizarre. They aren’t even trying to score accurately anymore. If one disagrees with the other, “they’ll show them”, they’ll give the couple a higher or lower score than they deserve, just to prove a point. And Bruno, I’m sooooo fucking tired of his theatrics…. once in awhile, when a performance is truly great, but EVERY SINGLE TIME he speaks! I hate him. Carrie Ann is a catty bitch, who has her favorites and doles out criticisms only when it makes her look important. You are right about Len, he at least tries to maintain his integrity in spite of the show. I also agree that these “theme” shows need to go and the sooner the better. Let’s get back to ballroom dancing and some good music.

    Gilles can do nothing wrong in my book. He needs to win. I’m really happy that Shawn will be dancing with mark too. I think we will see a big difference in her now.

    Oh, one last thing… your cat did a great job on this recap!

  8. 8
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    @cattyfan: It really seems like they always tried to hide Sabrina’s dance background by calling her a “singer.” Yes, she sings, but the woman is a professional dancer. I agree with your comment about her attitude. She acted like she had this competition in the bag. I didn’t really dislike her, I just wasn’t as charmed by her as I have been by some other contestants. I had no idea who Gilles was before this season (I didn’t watch his original one). However, I really like him just based on what I’ve seen so far. Yeah, sometimes he goes a little over the top, but he’s definitely got a natural charm about it. Also, like Kirstie, he always seems to be having fun.

    @wcsdancer: Brooke isn’t all that subtle. Just last week, she asked Val and Kelly what was going on in their dressing rooms! It would be funny, but I don’t think she realizes that she’s being so brutal in her questioning. Also, Taylor Swift’s schtick is starting to get old. Yeah, she was really impressive when she was 17 and writing decent songs. However, she’s grown up, but her music has not. The “teenage broken heart” thing doesn’t work when you’re in your 20s.

    @chooch: I wish the judges would give their scores before they spoke about the dances. Maybe write them down and then hand them to Tom or something like that. Just give the scores first and then explain why after in order to justify it. I think then we’d seem more of what they really thought of any given dance. The theme stuff is OK sometimes if it’s a broad theme. 80s night, guilty pleasures, Halloween, allow for lots of different types of music and dance styles. Country night does not. I wish I could see Len judge a real ballroom competition. He always seems to give constructive criticism as opposed to Carrie Ann and Bruno who just speak to hear their own voices.
    I’ll be sure to tell Lindsey (the reCATper) that you enjoyed her work. She’ll be more full of herself than she already is.

    My pick to win right now is Gilles. He’s one of the few that is consistantly very good at both technique and performance. Kirstie is probably the worst dancer left, but I kind of want her to just outlast Emmitt and Kelly. Those two just refuse to be consistant. They seem to have a great week and then coast on that the next week. I’m over it. At least Kirstie has been improving steadily.

  9. 9
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Oh! Random thought! All day, I was thinking about how this week was more of a pop-country theme as opposed to straight country. Based on their chemistry alone, I think Kelly and Val would have been the PERFECT couple to dance to “Jackson” by Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. Any other thoughts on songs or couples?

  10. 10
    wcsdancer
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    What dance would you have them do to “Jackson”?

    Oh, and you (or your cat) mentioned Taylor Swift and autotune. I still believe that if you *need* autotune, and Swift does, your career choice should NOT be “singer”.

  11. 11
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    @wcsdancer: I don’t really know as I’m not an expert on any kind of dance that isn’t the sprinkler. Probably cha-cha or jive. Those are the only ones I could really think of. I don’t know if the music lends itself to any ballroom dance. I just had that song stuck in my head all day. Haha.

  12. 12
    Patty
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    I love your cat! Our Noah looks exactly like her, size and all, but I can safely say his recaps would not have been near as funny!

  13. 13
    ChaCha
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    “…true competitive ballroom dancing.” PP, there’s nothing true ballroom about this show anymore, if there ever was. At least Len has an extensive background in it, but I don’t think Bruno and Carrie Ann do as much. I love to watch ballroom competitions on PBS, and this show doesn’t come close. I’m as tired as many of you are about the stupid theme shows. Just dance the dances the way they’re supposed to be performed. And choose better music…some of the songs they choose don’t have the right rhythm for the dances they’re doing. Last night’s show was the supreme example of that!

    As for Taylor (not too)Swift…I agree with you, PP, on the common denominator in all of her bad relationships. Either her picker is massively broken, or any man stupid enuf to date that simpering chick deserves to have a song written about him and about how stupid he is.

  14. 14
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    @Patty: I once read an article that brown tabbies are difficult to adopt out because they’re so common and people want cats that look different. I say brown tabbies rule! Lindsey sends a high five to Noah. Also, I’ve always liked the name Noah for a cat. It just works. :)

    ChaCha: It’s a shame that there isn’t anything truly ballroom about the show. I think it would be way more fun to see someone like Emmitt compete in that area.

    As for the judges’ backgrounds, Carrie Ann was one of the Fly Girls and then was a choreographer for a long time – most notably as the choreographer for the Miss America Pageant.

    Bruno was a freelance dancer for a while – he was part of Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” music video (I’m totally going to look that up now). He mainly TV and movie choreography. Oh! He released his autobiography in September. I now have a new book on my “to read” list.

    Len is the only one with a true ballroom background – he won Blackpool when he was in his 20s. I think I’m going to see if I can find any videos of him dancing. I think I’d really like to see that. I have no doubt he’s awesome.

  15. 15
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Well, you can at least bet that Len thinks he’s awesome!

    I actually don’t mind the theme nights (aside from country. Whoever thought that one up needs to DIAF.) Then again, all I know about dancing I’ve learned from watching this show and SYTYCD. In other words, I know nothing. I just know what I like :)

    I firmly believe that song choice plays into votes. I think people like the dances more when they’re to songs they like. Just my \theory\ based on a very wide sample – my sister and myself. Evidence is conclusive.

    Personally, I think Sabrina was done in this week by trying to get the sympathy vote with her sob story about her druggie ex-boyfriend. ‘Murica doesn’t like to be manipulated.

    Oh, and I can’t believe we have to deal with that douche canoe Mark BallAss next week. I thought we were done with that over-dancing ing peacock!

  16. 16
    hillpete
    Posted November 2, 2012 at 5:36 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHwVBirqD2s

    Look for a black one-piece swimsuit looking thing that belongs on a woman. It’s on Bruno.

  17. 17
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 2, 2012 at 9:37 am

    @Enrique’s Mole: Thank you to you and your sister for your extensive research. I agree with the idea that Sabrina was done for the moment she mentioned her sob story. It seemed to just come out of nowhere and I think a lot of people saw right through it.

    @hillpete: He’s also the shirtless bellhop. I’ve got tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing. If Bruno gives anyone a bad critique, they should just whip out this video and shut him up.

  18. 18
    Coolkymom
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Thanks for sharing that video. Poor Bruno. When he is on the beach dancing in those red pants, he has a horrible male camel toe.

  19. 19
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 9:16 am

    @Coolkymom – we call male camel toe “moose knuckle” here. You’re welcome :) lol!

  20. 20
    CoolKymom
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Hahahahahahahaha!!!!! I will remember that one for certain.

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