DWTS All-Stars Recap: Country Roads, Send Me Home

Recaps

By PopePhilly | Thursday, November 1, 2012 | 6:00 am | 20 Comments
Posted in: Dancing w/ The Stars, Recaps

Yay! A waltz that was actually in waltz time! The musician in my isn’t angry this week! Melissa’s solo looked a little weird. To me, it looked like a little girl pretending to be a ballerina in front of the mirror. Also, there was a lot of stuff on the dance floor. I found it to be a bit distracting. 

Len gives Melissa a standing ovation. I like Len. He doesn’t love everything just for the sake of the show. That way, when he gives a compliment, you know he means it. Bruno thought it was like Brigadoon. I don’t remember that musical being anything like that. Carrie Ann likes Melissa’s lines, but doesn’t think she’s dancing out enough. Carrie Ann defends herself against Bruno and Len by talking about her woman’s intuition. I got nothing. Shut up, Carrie Ann. 

Before we get the scores, Tom tells us that next week the couples will be performing “fusion dances” that will combine two different dance styles. Also, the couples will again be picking the dances for one another.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9.5
Len – 10 He really likes his “from Len, the 10″ line.
Bruno – 10
29.5/30 Carrie Ann is a bitch tonight! If Len gives you a 10, it’s probably correct.
86/90 overall

Tony tells his family to stay safe on the east coast. He also doesn’t want them to be brave. I guess they’re supposed to just cower under the covers a cry? Oh, wait, he says, “Don’t be brave, evacuate.” If they tried to evacuate at the time that aired, that would require more bravery than staying put.

Shawn and Derek are dancing a cha-cha. Shawn hurt her knee again. I guess the doctor that told her she could do “everything but gymnastics” was wrong. According to Derek, “DWTS” is Shawn’s “replacement Olympics.” That is a really terrible replacement. Someone needs to talk to Shawn about the difference between the Olympics and a reality TV show.

I don’t know what it is, but Shawn still looks robotic to me. She always had the choreography down perfectly, but there’s no feeling to it. As a result, I always feel uncomfortable watching her dance. Yes, technically, that was very good. However, from a performance stand point, it was kind of terrible.

Do the judges agree with me? Bruno thought that Shawn was sexier than the tractor. I guess that’s a compliment. Carrie Ann likes that there was a nice blend of cha-cha and country. She does agree with me when she says that the solo was stiff. Len liked the choreography, but didn’t like the gimmicks. Seriously?! He didn’t think that Melissa and Tony’s full forest and campfire scene wasn’t too too many gimmicks, but a tractor and a cow is too much? Shut up, Len. 

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9.5
Len – 8.5 (Shut up, Len. He really does hate Derek.)
Bruno – 10 
28/30
84.5/90 overall

We go from from technically great with poor performance to someone who is all performance! As I always say, Kirstie is a bad dancer compared to the other contestants (she’s still good, but the others are just on a much higher level). However, I enjoy watching her every week. I would be OK with her getting kicked off if they just let her come in and perform for fun each week. Better yet, get Carson to come back and be her partner. They can dance together and it would be the most fun anyone has ever had on this show. 

First of all, I want that dress. If it is half as flattering on me as it is on Kirstie, I will take one in every color and wear it all the time. Also, it was sparkly. I’m a girl. I like to look at shiny things. It was a simple rumba – much simpler than every other dance tonight. However, I will say that Kirstie performed the shit out of it. 

Carrie Ann thought that Kirstie is the queen of sexy tonight. Len thought it was clean, clear, and classy, however he wanted more hip action. It’s hard to tell when Len wants raunchy and when he doesn’t. Then Len shows us his hip action. Never do that again, Len. Bruno likes how expressive Kirstie is. 

One thing that I really like about Kirstie is that she isn’t taking this all too seriously. It’s quite refreshing to hear her just say she wants to stay on the show because she likes to dance. I think that’s one of the first times this season (I could be wrong) we’ve heard anyone say, “I want to be here because I just enjoy it!” Most people talk about winning and competing. 

Also, thanks for dedicating your dance to those of us on the east coast, Maks. There are millions of people without power, but, don’t worry everyone, Maks did a rumba just for you. I’m sure that will make everyone feel a lot better.

Scores: 
Carrie Ann – 9.5
Len – 8.5
Bruno – 9.5
27.5/30
80/90 overall

Really? Look, I love Kirstie a lot. I know I can be biased toward her because I like her as an actress and a person. However, there is no way that was anywhere near the level of performance of Kelly and Val or Gilles and Peta – and definitely not better like Bruno and Carrie Ann thought. Hell, Len gave them the same score than he gave Shawn and Derek. I call BS on this one. Yes, Kirstie did a great job…for her. However, I wish the judges would stop grading on a curve.

OK, my rant there is over. Let’s get into some better dancing with Apolo and Karina doing their waltz. Apparently, their lack of chemistry last week was due to a fight that they had the night before the performance. It had something to do with Apolo not showing emotions. 

Wow. So, I’ve never really been a fan of Karina. However, the woman knows how to choreograph an emotional dance. I’ll never forget her rumba with J.R. Martinez back in season 13 (I think it was season 13). I literally bawled my eyes out. Granted, some of the emotion was ruined by the fact that her skirt was see-through. Nothing says “couple dealing with cancer” like visible granny panties. 

First of all, Len, if you are referring to the Apollo that was the son of Zeus, you would have to say that he was the Greekgod of light and music. If you are talking about the Roman Apollo (also the god of light and music), you would have say that his father was Jupiter. I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to Greek and Roman mythology. I apologize for that outburst. It won’t happen again. Anyway, Len liked it. Bruno thinks Apolo is a leading man. Carrie Ann loves that there was a lot of emotion and thinks this was Apolo’s breakthrough number.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 10
Len – 10
Bruno – 10
30/30
86.5/90 overall

Last, we have Emmitt and Cheryl dancing a foxtrot to “Islands in the Stream” by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. Hooray! We finally get a little classic country! Why did it take us all night to get to some Dolly Parton? Emmitt throws a bit of a temper tantrum about having to dance a solo to a country song. It seems like more manufactured drama. Emmitt is basically drama free on this show. I guess they had to give him something interesting to do. 

Why do I feel like we see Cheryl wear that dress every other week? Do they having nothing else for her? The dance itself was OK. It didn’t really seem to go with the music. Emmitt’s solo was just…weird. That really didn’t go with the music.

Bruno yelled and humped the air a lot. He said brilliant a few times. He said it was “how you say, a country fun fair.” Has anyone ever actually called something a “country fun fair”? Carrie Ann thinks that they were a bit off when it came to timing. Len thought the dance lacked finesse, but it was entertaining.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 8.5
Len – 8.5
Bruno – 9.5
26.5/30
82.5/90 overall

There’s one thing I’ve noticed about Emmitt. He’s either really awesome or really not. There is very little in between with him. He either kills the routine or just throws it away. At this point, I don’t think I’d be too sad to see him go.

OK, it’s time for the group dance to “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy.” I always just find myself annoyed whenever I hear this song. The judges will be awarding two bonus points to the couple they find the most entertaining. So, this is just a way to give Kirstie and Maks two extra points, right? Unless she just stands still, Kirstie is going to be the most entertaining dancer. We’ve pretty much established that entertainment is her thing. 

Rehearsal is interesting. Louis says what we’ve all been thinking the entire season when he tells Val and Kelly to “get a room.” Thanks, Louis. I knew there was something I liked about you. Then Gilles comes in dressed like this:

I will save many horses for one chance to ride this cowboy. 

Well, that was every country music cliche every thrown into five minutes of dancing. I’m not even going to build suspense. Kirstie and Maks get the two points for being the most entertaining. I’m sure no one saw that coming at all. 

RESULTS!

Time for the results show! First up, Apolo and Karina are dancing their waltz as an encore. It was just as good as it was last night.  Oh! There will be no elimination next week. I guess there is something going on next Tuesday that’s a little more important than “DWTS.” I can’t think of it. Anyone have any suggestions? Something political, I think.

Originally, they had intended to eliminate someone at the end of Monday’s show based on judges’ scores and this week’s votes. However, there were just too many people who couldn’t vote because of the storm on the east coast. It looks like everyone who makes it tonight will be guaranteed another two weeks. I bet they’ll throw in another double elimination.

Group 1:
Emmitt and Cheryl – SAFE!
Kelly and Val – SAFE!

The bottom two couples on the leader board are both safe. Bring on the upset.

Oh, hey, Jason Mraz is here. I’ve always liked him. I enjoy the simplicity of his music. Oh, there’s some dancing too. I’m not really paying attention to it. I’m busy sending birthday cards to my cousins (happy birthday, Alexis and David) and just listening to Jason Mraz.

Brook talks to our next group of couples. She brings up Sabrina going home in week 6 of her original season. This is when I realize that Sabrina is kind of stupid. She says that this season, more than ever, it’s about the viewers’ votes. It’s been like that every season, sweetie. You can stop talking now. We also find out that Derek was injured last night. He won’t be dancing next week, but Mark will step in to dance with Shawn. It’s good that he can step in – especially considering that he and Shawn already have a dancing relationship. It works out nicely.

Group 2:
Shawn and Derek – SAFE!
Gilles and Peta – SAFE!
Kirstie and Maks – SAFE! (Ooh. Let’s get ready for a REAL upset.)

There’s some fluff with the Macy’s Stars of Dance performance. Watching it, I’m just waiting for someone to burst into “Rock Me Amadeus.”


Er war ein Punker und er lebte in der großen Stadt…

Before we get to more results, we’re going to assign the fusion dances for next week. I don’t think that this will be as difficult as everyone is making it out to be. They routinely do freestyle dances that incorporate all different types of dances. I can imagine that combining two would be nearly as hard.

Kirstie and Maks are picking a dance for Melissa and Tony – Tango/Cha-Cha
Kelly and Val are picking for Gilles and Peta – Argentine Tango/Samba
Emmitt and Cheryl are picking for Sabrina and Louis – Tango/Foxtrot
Apolo and Karina are picking for Kirstie and Maks – Quickstep/Samba
Melissa and Tony are picking for Shawn and Mark – Tango/Paso Doble
Shawn and Derek are picking for Emmitt and Cheryl – Rumba/Samba
Sabrina and Louis are picking for Kelly and Val – Cha-Cha/Foxtrot
Gilles and Peta are picking for Apolo and Karina – Cha-Cha/Paso Doble 

The only one that strikes me as super difficult is the Rumba/Samba combo that Emmitt and Cheryl will be dancing. The Samba is ridiculously fast while the Rumba is much slower and more lyrical. It is going to be interesting to see how they combine those two. 

Now Taylor Swift is going to perform and tell us that we are never, ever getting back together. Taylor is one of those people who should never, ever sing live. She works best with autotune. In fact, she only exists because of autotune.

Also, Taylor, you are the common denominator in all your crappy break ups. Think about it. 

 Oh, Tom. Please stop it with the Sean Connery joke. You had to explain it way too much for it to work. Also, never, ever compare Taylor Swift to a star like Sean Connery. 

Group 3:
Melissa and Tony – SAFE!
Sabrina and Louis – JEOPARDY!
Apolo and Karina – JEOPARDY!

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PopePhilly

Aside from making fun of reality television on a weekly basis, PopePhilly is a legal assistant by day and avid kickball player by night (well, at least on Thursdays). On the nerd front, she is an active member of the forensic speech and debate community. She spends her time judging at tournaments throughout the country and serving on the board of directors for the West Chester University alumni chapter of Pi Kappa Delta (yes, speech nerds get to pretend to be cool by having Greek letters).

20 Comments

  1. 1
    SaraKate
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 6:47 am

    So frustrated! I REALLY liked Sabrina and Louis together! It wasn’t just that they were good dancers, but I thought they were always having so much fun out there. So much more enjoyable to watch than Kelly and Val, quite frankly – they just creep me out. RAWR.

    I thought the group dance was, in general, a hot mess…they played chicken with a train and SO lost.

    My favorite dances were Karina & Apollo (maybe because I love that song), Shawn and Derek (LOVE THEM!), and Sabrina and Louis.

    I would also ask that all clothing manufacturers follow Kirstie’s sizing chart. If she’s a size 6, so am I, and those clothes that lie to me and tell me I’m a size 10/12 aren’t very nice. That said, her dress was lovely last night, and very flattering!

  2. 2
    Pat Ledoux
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 6:59 am

    “There are millions of people without power, but don’t worry, Maks did a rumba for you”…

    HAHAHA Now that is funny shit! PP, what say we take turns riding cowboy Gilles? I’ll go first and call you when I’m done…which will be NEVER!!!

    Though I am not a huge Sabrina fan, her and Louie were amazing and were totally ripped off, but as you say, it is indeed a popularity contest, not a dance contest. Sad but true.

    On a final note, if Len ever shakes like that again, I shall have to gouge my eyes out.
    Awesome recap as always!!!!

  3. 3
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 8:03 am

    You know how you know Kirstie’s the best performer and most charismatic of the personalities? She manages to wrangle Maks’ very strong and occasionally difficult personality and brings out his most likeable qualities. Their partnership is mostly about her, not them or his wild Russian ego.

    She is the weakest dancer but I agree the show would lose a big spark when she gets eliminated.

  4. 4
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 9:28 am

    @SaraKate: If Kirstie is a 6, then I want to wear whatever she is! Don’t get me wrong, I always think she’s gorgeous at any size – the woman wears her 60 years very well. However, there is no way she is a 6.

    @Pat: Next week, Maks will be doing a waltz for world peace! I’ve learned that watching this as a popularity contest makes me far less angry. I always say that about TV competitions – first and foremost, they are shows and need ratings to exist.

    @vallegirl: There is definitely something about Kirstie that makes Maks actually likeable. A part of me wonders if he’s just starstruck. Kirstie is by far one of the most famous people they’ve ever had on the show (if not the most famous). Also, I can imagine she doesn’t take his shit either.

  5. 5
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 10:39 am

    Although I like Louis, my extreme dislike for Sabrina makes me glad they were eliminated. Aside from (as you pointed out) her lack of charisma, it always grates on me that before she was on DWTS the first time, she had released MULTIPLE dance video DVDs. Unlike most of the other contestants who are learning as they go, she already knew how to dance.

    And she’s a little too satisfied with herself. Being genuinely humble gets people a lot farther on this show.

  6. 6
    wcsdancer
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 11:12 am

    When Brooke interviewed Sabrina and mentioned “this is when you left last time”, I had a feeling that she was going home.

    I’ve said this before, Shawn is great at performing choreography but she has zero musicality. She’s really not *dancing*, she’s doing a routine with music in the background. Kirstie has more musicality and actually dances, even though she’s not technically strong.

    I wish they’d just stop with the theme nights. Most of the country songs were from the 90s! And “Islands in the Stream”? Really??! Ugh. I didn’t like that in the 80s when it came out. (sorry, Dolly.) Yep, PP they incorporated every stereotype into the group dance choreo…I’ve danced CW and never hooked my thumbs in my belt or pretended to be roping something.

    Hubby and I really enjoyed Jason Mraz. Taylor Swift? Not so much. She really needs to stop with the breakup songs already. It makes her sound like a twelve year old. I read somewhere that she wrote that “never ever ever” song to annoy her ex…apparently he mocked her music. I thought “well, did you have to annoy the rest of us too?”

  7. 7
    chooch850 chooch850
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:22 pm

    God I love your recaps! You and I think so much alike. I was saying in the forums the same thing you did about Sabrina. She left her last season for same reason she did this time… the viewers just don’t like her. It’s her personality, not her dancing, that gets her voted off. I also agree that the judges and their scoring are just bizarre. They aren’t even trying to score accurately anymore. If one disagrees with the other, “they’ll show them”, they’ll give the couple a higher or lower score than they deserve, just to prove a point. And Bruno, I’m sooooo fucking tired of his theatrics…. once in awhile, when a performance is truly great, but EVERY SINGLE TIME he speaks! I hate him. Carrie Ann is a catty bitch, who has her favorites and doles out criticisms only when it makes her look important. You are right about Len, he at least tries to maintain his integrity in spite of the show. I also agree that these “theme” shows need to go and the sooner the better. Let’s get back to ballroom dancing and some good music.

    Gilles can do nothing wrong in my book. He needs to win. I’m really happy that Shawn will be dancing with mark too. I think we will see a big difference in her now.

    Oh, one last thing… your cat did a great job on this recap!

  8. 8
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:41 pm

    @cattyfan: It really seems like they always tried to hide Sabrina’s dance background by calling her a “singer.” Yes, she sings, but the woman is a professional dancer. I agree with your comment about her attitude. She acted like she had this competition in the bag. I didn’t really dislike her, I just wasn’t as charmed by her as I have been by some other contestants. I had no idea who Gilles was before this season (I didn’t watch his original one). However, I really like him just based on what I’ve seen so far. Yeah, sometimes he goes a little over the top, but he’s definitely got a natural charm about it. Also, like Kirstie, he always seems to be having fun.

    @wcsdancer: Brooke isn’t all that subtle. Just last week, she asked Val and Kelly what was going on in their dressing rooms! It would be funny, but I don’t think she realizes that she’s being so brutal in her questioning. Also, Taylor Swift’s schtick is starting to get old. Yeah, she was really impressive when she was 17 and writing decent songs. However, she’s grown up, but her music has not. The “teenage broken heart” thing doesn’t work when you’re in your 20s.

    @chooch: I wish the judges would give their scores before they spoke about the dances. Maybe write them down and then hand them to Tom or something like that. Just give the scores first and then explain why after in order to justify it. I think then we’d seem more of what they really thought of any given dance. The theme stuff is OK sometimes if it’s a broad theme. 80s night, guilty pleasures, Halloween, allow for lots of different types of music and dance styles. Country night does not. I wish I could see Len judge a real ballroom competition. He always seems to give constructive criticism as opposed to Carrie Ann and Bruno who just speak to hear their own voices.
    I’ll be sure to tell Lindsey (the reCATper) that you enjoyed her work. She’ll be more full of herself than she already is.

    My pick to win right now is Gilles. He’s one of the few that is consistantly very good at both technique and performance. Kirstie is probably the worst dancer left, but I kind of want her to just outlast Emmitt and Kelly. Those two just refuse to be consistant. They seem to have a great week and then coast on that the next week. I’m over it. At least Kirstie has been improving steadily.

  9. 9
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 12:47 pm

    Oh! Random thought! All day, I was thinking about how this week was more of a pop-country theme as opposed to straight country. Based on their chemistry alone, I think Kelly and Val would have been the PERFECT couple to dance to “Jackson” by Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash. Any other thoughts on songs or couples?

  10. 10
    wcsdancer
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 1:36 pm

    What dance would you have them do to “Jackson”?

    Oh, and you (or your cat) mentioned Taylor Swift and autotune. I still believe that if you *need* autotune, and Swift does, your career choice should NOT be “singer”.

  11. 11
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    @wcsdancer: I don’t really know as I’m not an expert on any kind of dance that isn’t the sprinkler. Probably cha-cha or jive. Those are the only ones I could really think of. I don’t know if the music lends itself to any ballroom dance. I just had that song stuck in my head all day. Haha.

  12. 12
    Patty
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 1:42 pm

    I love your cat! Our Noah looks exactly like her, size and all, but I can safely say his recaps would not have been near as funny!

  13. 13
    ChaCha
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    “…true competitive ballroom dancing.” PP, there’s nothing true ballroom about this show anymore, if there ever was. At least Len has an extensive background in it, but I don’t think Bruno and Carrie Ann do as much. I love to watch ballroom competitions on PBS, and this show doesn’t come close. I’m as tired as many of you are about the stupid theme shows. Just dance the dances the way they’re supposed to be performed. And choose better music…some of the songs they choose don’t have the right rhythm for the dances they’re doing. Last night’s show was the supreme example of that!

    As for Taylor (not too)Swift…I agree with you, PP, on the common denominator in all of her bad relationships. Either her picker is massively broken, or any man stupid enuf to date that simpering chick deserves to have a song written about him and about how stupid he is.

  14. 14
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 4:27 pm

    @Patty: I once read an article that brown tabbies are difficult to adopt out because they’re so common and people want cats that look different. I say brown tabbies rule! Lindsey sends a high five to Noah. Also, I’ve always liked the name Noah for a cat. It just works. :)

    ChaCha: It’s a shame that there isn’t anything truly ballroom about the show. I think it would be way more fun to see someone like Emmitt compete in that area.

    As for the judges’ backgrounds, Carrie Ann was one of the Fly Girls and then was a choreographer for a long time – most notably as the choreographer for the Miss America Pageant.

    Bruno was a freelance dancer for a while – he was part of Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing” music video (I’m totally going to look that up now). He mainly TV and movie choreography. Oh! He released his autobiography in September. I now have a new book on my “to read” list.

    Len is the only one with a true ballroom background – he won Blackpool when he was in his 20s. I think I’m going to see if I can find any videos of him dancing. I think I’d really like to see that. I have no doubt he’s awesome.

  15. 15
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted November 1, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Well, you can at least bet that Len thinks he’s awesome!

    I actually don’t mind the theme nights (aside from country. Whoever thought that one up needs to DIAF.) Then again, all I know about dancing I’ve learned from watching this show and SYTYCD. In other words, I know nothing. I just know what I like :)

    I firmly believe that song choice plays into votes. I think people like the dances more when they’re to songs they like. Just my \theory\ based on a very wide sample – my sister and myself. Evidence is conclusive.

    Personally, I think Sabrina was done in this week by trying to get the sympathy vote with her sob story about her druggie ex-boyfriend. ‘Murica doesn’t like to be manipulated.

    Oh, and I can’t believe we have to deal with that douche canoe Mark BallAss next week. I thought we were done with that over-dancing ing peacock!

  16. 16
    hillpete
    Posted November 2, 2012 at 5:36 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHwVBirqD2s

    Look for a black one-piece swimsuit looking thing that belongs on a woman. It’s on Bruno.

  17. 17
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 2, 2012 at 9:37 am

    @Enrique’s Mole: Thank you to you and your sister for your extensive research. I agree with the idea that Sabrina was done for the moment she mentioned her sob story. It seemed to just come out of nowhere and I think a lot of people saw right through it.

    @hillpete: He’s also the shirtless bellhop. I’ve got tears rolling down my cheeks from laughing. If Bruno gives anyone a bad critique, they should just whip out this video and shut him up.

  18. 18
    Coolkymom
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 8:24 am

    Thanks for sharing that video. Poor Bruno. When he is on the beach dancing in those red pants, he has a horrible male camel toe.

  19. 19
    Enrique's Mole
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 9:16 am

    @Coolkymom – we call male camel toe “moose knuckle” here. You’re welcome :) lol!

  20. 20
    CoolKymom
    Posted November 3, 2012 at 11:34 am

    Hahahahahahahaha!!!!! I will remember that one for certain.

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