Yay! A waltz that was actually in waltz time! The musician in my isn’t angry this week! Melissa’s solo looked a little weird. To me, it looked like a little girl pretending to be a ballerina in front of the mirror. Also, there was a lot of stuff on the dance floor. I found it to be a bit distracting.
Len gives Melissa a standing ovation. I like Len. He doesn’t love everything just for the sake of the show. That way, when he gives a compliment, you know he means it. Bruno thought it was like Brigadoon. I don’t remember that musical being anything like that. Carrie Ann likes Melissa’s lines, but doesn’t think she’s dancing out enough. Carrie Ann defends herself against Bruno and Len by talking about her woman’s intuition. I got nothing. Shut up, Carrie Ann.
Before we get the scores, Tom tells us that next week the couples will be performing “fusion dances” that will combine two different dance styles. Also, the couples will again be picking the dances for one another.
Carrie Ann – 9.5
Len – 10 He really likes his “from Len, the 10″ line.
Bruno – 10
29.5/30 Carrie Ann is a bitch tonight! If Len gives you a 10, it’s probably correct.
Tony tells his family to stay safe on the east coast. He also doesn’t want them to be brave. I guess they’re supposed to just cower under the covers a cry? Oh, wait, he says, “Don’t be brave, evacuate.” If they tried to evacuate at the time that aired, that would require more bravery than staying put.
Shawn and Derek are dancing a cha-cha. Shawn hurt her knee again. I guess the doctor that told her she could do “everything but gymnastics” was wrong. According to Derek, “DWTS” is Shawn’s “replacement Olympics.” That is a really terrible replacement. Someone needs to talk to Shawn about the difference between the Olympics and a reality TV show.
I don’t know what it is, but Shawn still looks robotic to me. She always had the choreography down perfectly, but there’s no feeling to it. As a result, I always feel uncomfortable watching her dance. Yes, technically, that was very good. However, from a performance stand point, it was kind of terrible.
Do the judges agree with me? Bruno thought that Shawn was sexier than the tractor. I guess that’s a compliment. Carrie Ann likes that there was a nice blend of cha-cha and country. She does agree with me when she says that the solo was stiff. Len liked the choreography, but didn’t like the gimmicks. Seriously?! He didn’t think that Melissa and Tony’s full forest and campfire scene wasn’t too too many gimmicks, but a tractor and a cow is too much? Shut up, Len.
Carrie Ann – 9.5
Len – 8.5 (Shut up, Len. He really does hate Derek.)
Bruno – 10
We go from from technically great with poor performance to someone who is all performance! As I always say, Kirstie is a bad dancer compared to the other contestants (she’s still good, but the others are just on a much higher level). However, I enjoy watching her every week. I would be OK with her getting kicked off if they just let her come in and perform for fun each week. Better yet, get Carson to come back and be her partner. They can dance together and it would be the most fun anyone has ever had on this show.
First of all, I want that dress. If it is half as flattering on me as it is on Kirstie, I will take one in every color and wear it all the time. Also, it was sparkly. I’m a girl. I like to look at shiny things. It was a simple rumba – much simpler than every other dance tonight. However, I will say that Kirstie performed the shit out of it.
Carrie Ann thought that Kirstie is the queen of sexy tonight. Len thought it was clean, clear, and classy, however he wanted more hip action. It’s hard to tell when Len wants raunchy and when he doesn’t. Then Len shows us his hip action. Never do that again, Len. Bruno likes how expressive Kirstie is.
One thing that I really like about Kirstie is that she isn’t taking this all too seriously. It’s quite refreshing to hear her just say she wants to stay on the show because she likes to dance. I think that’s one of the first times this season (I could be wrong) we’ve heard anyone say, “I want to be here because I just enjoy it!” Most people talk about winning and competing.
Also, thanks for dedicating your dance to those of us on the east coast, Maks. There are millions of people without power, but, don’t worry everyone, Maks did a rumba just for you. I’m sure that will make everyone feel a lot better.
Carrie Ann – 9.5
Len – 8.5
Bruno – 9.5
Really? Look, I love Kirstie a lot. I know I can be biased toward her because I like her as an actress and a person. However, there is no way that was anywhere near the level of performance of Kelly and Val or Gilles and Peta – and definitely not better like Bruno and Carrie Ann thought. Hell, Len gave them the same score than he gave Shawn and Derek. I call BS on this one. Yes, Kirstie did a great job…for her. However, I wish the judges would stop grading on a curve.
OK, my rant there is over. Let’s get into some better dancing with Apolo and Karina doing their waltz. Apparently, their lack of chemistry last week was due to a fight that they had the night before the performance. It had something to do with Apolo not showing emotions.
Wow. So, I’ve never really been a fan of Karina. However, the woman knows how to choreograph an emotional dance. I’ll never forget her rumba with J.R. Martinez back in season 13 (I think it was season 13). I literally bawled my eyes out. Granted, some of the emotion was ruined by the fact that her skirt was see-through. Nothing says “couple dealing with cancer” like visible granny panties.
First of all, Len, if you are referring to the Apollo that was the son of Zeus, you would have to say that he was the Greekgod of light and music. If you are talking about the Roman Apollo (also the god of light and music), you would have say that his father was Jupiter. I’m a bit of a nerd when it comes to Greek and Roman mythology. I apologize for that outburst. It won’t happen again. Anyway, Len liked it. Bruno thinks Apolo is a leading man. Carrie Ann loves that there was a lot of emotion and thinks this was Apolo’s breakthrough number.
Carrie Ann – 10
Len – 10
Bruno – 10
Last, we have Emmitt and Cheryl dancing a foxtrot to “Islands in the Stream” by Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers. Hooray! We finally get a little classic country! Why did it take us all night to get to some Dolly Parton? Emmitt throws a bit of a temper tantrum about having to dance a solo to a country song. It seems like more manufactured drama. Emmitt is basically drama free on this show. I guess they had to give him something interesting to do.
Why do I feel like we see Cheryl wear that dress every other week? Do they having nothing else for her? The dance itself was OK. It didn’t really seem to go with the music. Emmitt’s solo was just…weird. That really didn’t go with the music.
Bruno yelled and humped the air a lot. He said brilliant a few times. He said it was “how you say, a country fun fair.” Has anyone ever actually called something a “country fun fair”? Carrie Ann thinks that they were a bit off when it came to timing. Len thought the dance lacked finesse, but it was entertaining.
Carrie Ann – 8.5
Len – 8.5
Bruno – 9.5
There’s one thing I’ve noticed about Emmitt. He’s either really awesome or really not. There is very little in between with him. He either kills the routine or just throws it away. At this point, I don’t think I’d be too sad to see him go.
OK, it’s time for the group dance to “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy.” I always just find myself annoyed whenever I hear this song. The judges will be awarding two bonus points to the couple they find the most entertaining. So, this is just a way to give Kirstie and Maks two extra points, right? Unless she just stands still, Kirstie is going to be the most entertaining dancer. We’ve pretty much established that entertainment is her thing.
Rehearsal is interesting. Louis says what we’ve all been thinking the entire season when he tells Val and Kelly to “get a room.” Thanks, Louis. I knew there was something I liked about you. Then Gilles comes in dressed like this:
I will save many horses for one chance to ride this cowboy.
Well, that was every country music cliche every thrown into five minutes of dancing. I’m not even going to build suspense. Kirstie and Maks get the two points for being the most entertaining. I’m sure no one saw that coming at all.
Time for the results show! First up, Apolo and Karina are dancing their waltz as an encore. It was just as good as it was last night. Oh! There will be no elimination next week. I guess there is something going on next Tuesday that’s a little more important than “DWTS.” I can’t think of it. Anyone have any suggestions? Something political, I think.
Originally, they had intended to eliminate someone at the end of Monday’s show based on judges’ scores and this week’s votes. However, there were just too many people who couldn’t vote because of the storm on the east coast. It looks like everyone who makes it tonight will be guaranteed another two weeks. I bet they’ll throw in another double elimination.
Emmitt and Cheryl – SAFE!
Kelly and Val – SAFE!
The bottom two couples on the leader board are both safe. Bring on the upset.
Oh, hey, Jason Mraz is here. I’ve always liked him. I enjoy the simplicity of his music. Oh, there’s some dancing too. I’m not really paying attention to it. I’m busy sending birthday cards to my cousins (happy birthday, Alexis and David) and just listening to Jason Mraz.
Brook talks to our next group of couples. She brings up Sabrina going home in week 6 of her original season. This is when I realize that Sabrina is kind of stupid. She says that this season, more than ever, it’s about the viewers’ votes. It’s been like that every season, sweetie. You can stop talking now. We also find out that Derek was injured last night. He won’t be dancing next week, but Mark will step in to dance with Shawn. It’s good that he can step in – especially considering that he and Shawn already have a dancing relationship. It works out nicely.
Shawn and Derek – SAFE!
Gilles and Peta – SAFE!
Kirstie and Maks – SAFE! (Ooh. Let’s get ready for a REAL upset.)
There’s some fluff with the Macy’s Stars of Dance performance. Watching it, I’m just waiting for someone to burst into “Rock Me Amadeus.”
Er war ein Punker und er lebte in der großen Stadt…
Before we get to more results, we’re going to assign the fusion dances for next week. I don’t think that this will be as difficult as everyone is making it out to be. They routinely do freestyle dances that incorporate all different types of dances. I can imagine that combining two would be nearly as hard.
Kirstie and Maks are picking a dance for Melissa and Tony – Tango/Cha-Cha
Kelly and Val are picking for Gilles and Peta – Argentine Tango/Samba
Emmitt and Cheryl are picking for Sabrina and Louis – Tango/Foxtrot
Apolo and Karina are picking for Kirstie and Maks – Quickstep/Samba
Melissa and Tony are picking for Shawn and Mark – Tango/Paso Doble
Shawn and Derek are picking for Emmitt and Cheryl – Rumba/Samba
Sabrina and Louis are picking for Kelly and Val – Cha-Cha/Foxtrot
Gilles and Peta are picking for Apolo and Karina – Cha-Cha/Paso Doble
The only one that strikes me as super difficult is the Rumba/Samba combo that Emmitt and Cheryl will be dancing. The Samba is ridiculously fast while the Rumba is much slower and more lyrical. It is going to be interesting to see how they combine those two.
Now Taylor Swift is going to perform and tell us that we are never, ever getting back together. Taylor is one of those people who should never, ever sing live. She works best with autotune. In fact, she only exists because of autotune.
Also, Taylor, you are the common denominator in all your crappy break ups. Think about it.
Oh, Tom. Please stop it with the Sean Connery joke. You had to explain it way too much for it to work. Also, never, ever compare Taylor Swift to a star like Sean Connery.
Melissa and Tony – SAFE!
Sabrina and Louis – JEOPARDY!
Apolo and Karina – JEOPARDY!