Now, we know the judges aren’t go to like the rule breaking, so let’s see what happens. Bruno has another orgasm. He thinks he could be the best dance he’s seen in 15 seasons. Carrie Ann has happy feet, ugly shoes, and almost kicks Len in the face. She agrees that it’s the best dance they’ve seen ever on the show, but she will drop them a bit for breaking the rules. Len loved the musicality and has never enjoyed a routine more. However, he is also going to drop a point for breaking the rules.
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 8
Bruno – NINE AND A HALF!!!! (That’s exactly how he said it. He was building up to this moment.)
Since a few important things actually happened on the results show, I’m going to recap the whole thing. Also, someone sent me a program that shows me a kitten for every 100 words I type. So far, I’ve seen 30 kittens. The cuteness is getting me through the four hours of show to recap! I will be buying a beer for the provider of this distraction. If you made it through all four hours of the show (and actually paid attention like I did), any distraction would be worth a beer. Also, tonight will be a double elimination! That means that the upcoming episodes will be shorter.
To start off the show, we have the encore. Of course it’s Shawn and Derek! Who else would it be?
I did exactly this when I found out I got to watch the dance again.
There is the usual review of the dances from the night before. We learn that Kirstie thinks Maks would make a gorgeous drag queen. I think I would like to see that! With that, we learn the fates of the first group of dancers:
Melissa & Tony – SAFE!
Gilles & Peta – SAFE!
Emmitt & Cheryl – SAFE!
Kirstie & Maks – JEOPARDY!
The first special guest is Frankie Morena. Kyle Massey (YAY!) and Lacey Schwimmer (blech!) will be dancing. I’m not going to put the video here. This post is already crazy long and this performance was just filler. I do enjoy watching Kyle though. He dances better than anyone of his body type realistically should.
It defies all logic!
It’s time to find out the fate of our next group:
Shawn & Derek – SAFE!
Apolo & Karina – SAFE!
Drew & Anna – JEOPARDY!
Kelly & Val – SAFE!
No! It’s Anna vs. Kirstie, and I love them both! I can’t make this choice! That’s like making me choose between my children. OK, so I don’t have children, but it’s definitely like making me choose only one beer to drink for the rest of my life! Between these two pairs, Drew and Anna are going home. I’m sad that Anna is gone. I really didn’t care much about Drew. Granted, I probably would have picked them to stay over Kirstie and Maks. Drew is a MUCH better dancer.
Drew keeps his head held high. I’m always happy when someone who gets kicked out of any reality competition knows that it’s not the end of the world. Good job, Drew. I’ll miss you, Anna.
This show just lost a lot of cuteness points.
There is a lot more backstage fluff. Blah blah blah high standards blah blah blah best dances ever blah blah blah awesome talent blah blah blah hard to send people home. Len thinks this was the best night ever. Len has very low standards when it comes to having a good night. Then it’s time for the couples to pick the dances for their competitors. They will start with the lowest scoring couple picking for the highest scoring couple. Here we go!
Bristol and Mark pick for Gilles and Peta. They choose Bollywood.
Kirstie and Maks will pick for Sabrina and Louis. They choose Disco.
Hélio and CHelsie pick for Shawn and Derek. They choose Mambo.
Kelly and Val pick for Emmitt and Cheryl. They choose Bolero.
Melissa and Tony pick for Apolo and Karina. They choose Hip Hop.
Apolo and Karina pick for Melissa and Tony. They choose Jitterbug.
Emmitt and Cheryl pick for Kelly and Val. They choose Contemporary.
Shawn and Derek pick for Hélio and Chelsie. They choose Broadway.
Sabrina and Louis pick for Kirstie and Maks. They choose Charleston.
Bristol and Mark get what is left. They will be dancing Rock and Roll.
Only 9 of these dances will be performed as one couple is left to be eliminated.
This is where we meet Josh Johnson. He’s from Harlem and he dances in the subway to make money to go to Penn State. Wow. He really makes a lot of money dancing on the subway. Now, Penn State isn’t a totally public university (it’s considered “state affiliated” rather than being part of the PA State System), but it’s still cheaper to be an in-state student than an out of state student (like Josh). Assuming he is attending the main campus, he’s looking at $15,000+ per semester for tuition alone (according to the PSU tuition calculator). Even if he’s attending one of the other branch campuses, he’s still looking at $10,000+ per semester for just the tuition. I’m a bit skeptical that he’s paying for his education/room and board/books/etc. solely by dancing on the subway in NYC.
I call bullshit on your story, sir.
Don’t get me wrong, Josh is a really good dancer. However, I just think there is more to his story than he’s telling us. Then a group called Carmen performs. I didn’t really pay attention to that because it was time for me to go to the freezer and get a shot of amaretto. I come back just in time for more eliminations.
Bristol and Mark – SAFE! BULLSHIT!
Sabrina and Louis – SAFE!
Hélio and Chelsie – ELIMINATED!
Are you kidding me? It came down to Sabrina and Hélio? What the fuck!? How the fuck did that even happen?!?!?! I’ll be back in a moment. I need another shot of amaretto. Where is Hillary Clinton when you need her?
Now THIS is a vast right wing conspiracy!
I got nothing. This is fuckery most foul. What do you think, Gasmii? While you’re commenting, I’m going to go finish the bottle of amaretto. I just can’t deal with this anymore anymore.