Hello, Gasmii! Welcome to week 2 of “DWTS: All Stars!” Last week, we sadly said goodbye to Pamela Anderson. Even sadder, we had to say goodbye to Tristan as well.
It will be very difficult for me to write this recap knowing this hotness is at the top of the page.
Let’s get right into this week’s dances! First up is Melissa and Tony dancing a jive. They keep introducing Melissa as a TV host, but they never say exactly what she hosts. According to Wikipedia, she has hosted things in the past, but isn’t currently doing anything. Based on her involvement with “Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader: Making the Team,” “The Bachelor,” and “Dancing With the Stars,” I think we should just call her a “general reality TV whore.” That would be much more descriptive.
Before the dance, we get a sob story about how Melissa injured her ribs when she was learning the jive back in season 8 and was just based on her rehearsal footage.
To be 100% honest, I really didn’t like that. It just felt awkward to me. Granted, I know absolutely nothing about good dancing, so let’s go to the judges! Len thinks that they’ve set a high bar for the rest of the night. Bruno called Melissa “the fastest gal in town.” That kind of sounds like an insult. When he points out a few slight technical mistakes, Len starts arguing. This leads me to think that Len is drunk tonight. There is an all out fight between Len and Bruno. It’s kind of entertaining. Carrie Ann agrees that it’s entertaining. She thinks Melissa was born to jive!
Carrie Ann - 8
Len – 8
Bruno – 7 and a HALF! (Gotta write it the way Bruno says it)
Next up, we have Bristol and Mark. They go shooting before they dance so Bristol can loosen up. There are so many “Mark misses the target” jokes I want to make, but I don’t want the Tea Party to come after me. Bristol has decided to dance her quickstep to the song “Redneck Woman” because the song is so her. I think she’s entirely too rich to be considered a true redneck. Apparently, it took going to a gun range for Bristol to want to do really well in this competition.
A friend of mine once made a comment that the way a person dances is a good indication of how he or she is in bed. Well, with that dance, it’s pretty obvious that Bristol is an abstinence only advocate. That was just bad. There really are no other words for it. That was the most ridiculous (in a negative way) quickstep I’ve ever seen. The ending with the beer bottle was just stupid. I really hope the judges agree with me!
Bruno thought that it was like the quickstep going Gangnam Style in the wild, wild west. Sure, Bruno. Basically, he didn’t really like it. Carrie Ann is angry that Bristol and Mark broke hold in the middle. Len likes that it was fun and enthusiastic. He liked the ho down, but thought it was a bit low down. Whatever Len is drinking, can I please have some?