Hello there, Gasmii. Welcome to the “Dancing with the Stars All-Stars Semi-Finals.” Because of the election and hurricane, the scheduling for this season was all types of messed up. As a result, we’ve got five couples competing in tonight’s semi-finals. Because of that, there will also be a double elimination. Tonight, our couples will be performing the unusual mix of themes and styles. So, let’s get right into it.
First up, it’s Melissa and Tony dancing the “Caveman Hustle.” Yes, you right that correctly. I guess the producers wanted the stupidest dance to go first. It seems as if Melissa and Tony took a little bit of good advice:
That they did.
In rehearsal, Melissa admits that this dance can easily become stupid. Oh, sweetie, you’re giving this dance entirely too much credit. It was stupid the minute that some producer somewhere decided that it would be a good idea. We also find out that something happened to Tony’s back. I wonder if he faked it just to get out of the dance. Oh, no, never mind. He’s OK to dance tonight.
Yeah, so that giant CGI dinosaur happened. I’m pretty sure that gimmicks like this are the reason that recappers generally don’t last when it comes to “DWTS.” Oddly enough, I think that was the least awkward part of the entire dance. Did you ever watch something and feel embarrassed for the people participating? That’s how I felt watching Tony and Melissa do the “Caveman Hustle.” Tony flipped Melissa upside down and used her ass as a drum. There are no words to describe how incredibly stupid this entire dance was.
Len thought it was better than Fred and Wilma. He also thought it was the Hustle with no hassle and they captured the essence of cavemen. It would be entirely too easy for me to make a joke about Len being old enough to remember what cavemen were like. Bruno liked the use of animal skins because what else would Bruno talk about? He talked about whiplash for a bit. Bruno does think they lost their footing a little bit. They he growled. Carrie Ann continues with the Flintstones reference. She liked the caveman parts, but not so much the Hustle parts. Does “Hustle” have to be capitalized here? I’m not sure.
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 9.5
Bruno – 9
Shawn and Derek are dancing a “Knight Rider” themed Bhangra (everything is telling me that it should be capitalized – this night is going to be annoying for me). Somewhere in India, people are crying because their amazing folk dance has been reduced to a “Knight Rider” theme. Derek would rather have mustard on ice cream than have to do this dance. I’m going to call BS on that. He gets paid to do this stupid combination of dance and theme. He would not get paid to eat mustard and ice cream. Shawn is worried that her gymnastics history will conflict with her ballroom history. Shawn, you do not have “ballroom history.” You competed on a TV dance competition.