DWTS All-Stars Recap: Semi Five-nals

Recaps

By PopePhilly | Thursday, November 22, 2012 | 9:58 am | 10 Comments
Posted in: Dancing w/ The Stars, Recaps

Hello there, Gasmii. Welcome to the “Dancing with the Stars All-Stars Semi-Finals.” Because of the election and hurricane, the scheduling for this season was all types of messed up. As a result, we’ve got five couples competing in tonight’s semi-finals. Because of that, there will also be a double elimination. Tonight, our couples will be performing the unusual mix of themes and styles. So, let’s get right into it.

First up, it’s Melissa and Tony dancing the “Caveman Hustle.” Yes, you right that correctly. I guess the producers wanted the stupidest dance to go first. It seems as if Melissa and Tony took a little bit of good advice:

That they did. 

In rehearsal, Melissa admits that this dance can easily become stupid. Oh, sweetie, you’re giving this dance entirely too much credit. It was stupid the minute that some producer somewhere decided that it would be a good idea. We also find out that something happened to Tony’s back. I wonder if he faked it just to get out of the dance. Oh, no, never mind. He’s OK to dance tonight.

Yeah, so that giant CGI dinosaur happened. I’m pretty sure that gimmicks like this are the reason that recappers generally don’t last when it comes to “DWTS.” Oddly enough, I think that was the least awkward part of the entire dance. Did you ever watch something and feel embarrassed for the people participating? That’s how I felt watching Tony and Melissa do the “Caveman Hustle.” Tony flipped Melissa upside down and used her ass as a drum. There are no words to describe how incredibly stupid this entire dance was. 

Len thought it was better than Fred and Wilma. He also thought it was the Hustle with no hassle and they captured the essence of cavemen. It would be entirely too easy for me to make a joke about Len being old enough to remember what cavemen were like. Bruno liked the use of animal skins because what else would Bruno talk about? He talked about whiplash for a bit. Bruno does think they lost their footing a little bit. They he growled. Carrie Ann continues with the Flintstones reference. She liked the caveman parts, but not so much the Hustle parts. Does “Hustle” have to be capitalized here? I’m not sure.

Scores:
Carrie Ann – 9
Len – 9.5
Bruno – 9
27.5/30

Shawn and Derek are dancing a “Knight Rider” themed Bhangra (everything is telling me that it should be capitalized – this night is going to be annoying for me). Somewhere in India, people are crying because their amazing folk dance has been reduced to a “Knight Rider” theme. Derek would rather have mustard on ice cream than have to do this dance. I’m going to call BS on that. He gets paid to do this stupid combination of dance and theme. He would not get paid to eat mustard and ice cream. Shawn is worried that her gymnastics history will conflict with her ballroom history. Shawn, you do not have “ballroom history.” You competed on a TV dance competition. 

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PopePhilly

Aside from making fun of reality television on a weekly basis, PopePhilly is a legal assistant by day and avid kickball player by night (well, at least on Thursdays). On the nerd front, she is an active member of the forensic speech and debate community. She spends her time judging at tournaments throughout the country and serving on the board of directors for the West Chester University alumni chapter of Pi Kappa Delta (yes, speech nerds get to pretend to be cool by having Greek letters).

10 Comments

  1. 1
    Pikey578
    Posted November 22, 2012 at 3:50 pm

    Great recap! I would love to see Melissa and Tony win this year – can’t stand Derek and don’t think that Kelly should be there (sob – Apolo – sob). I also want to wish any American readers a Happy Thanksgiving. We already had our Thanksgiving up here in Canada back on October 8th. Be careful out there on Black Friday – there be crazy people out there!

  2. 2
    Boogie wiggles
    Posted November 24, 2012 at 7:32 pm

    I think Melissa is really annoying but I want her to win because I like Tony. I’d even e good with Kelly winning. Just as long as Derek gets the smug wiped off his face.

  3. 3
    wcsdancer
    Posted November 25, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Yep, Boogie, right there with ya. I was really rooting for Apolo and Karina. I happen to like her and she did some really good choreo with him. I’m just *meh* about Melissa, but it would be great to see Tony win.

  4. 4
    Madani Madani
    Posted November 25, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Me too for Team Tony. Or team Anyone But Derek.

  5. 5
    chooch850 chooch850
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 1:53 pm

    Sorry I’m late. Once again we are ‘nsync Philly! Tonight is the finals and we will get to see the ‘freestyle’ dances. I’m always super excited to see what the pros come up with for us. I’m sure Derek will fill his and Shawn’s dance with lots of gymnastic jumps and leaps. Tony and Melissa will bring on the lifts and fast dancing classics. As for Val and Kelly, I think they are going to go for the hot and sexy with him carrying her around and both of them will be almost naked.

    It’s been a disappointing season considering it was the much anticipated “All-Stars”. The fact that Bristol Palin was even on the show was the first sign of it. Truly great dancers went home while she stayed. It wasn’t fun to watch and that made a lot of viewers tune out.

    The BEST part is that we had YOU PopePhilly, for our recapper this season! You are, by far, the best DWTS recapper TVgasm has ever had. I hope you do it again next season.

  6. 6
    kron
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 2:01 pm

    nooo Apolo’s out. He’s been gradually growing on me all season and he was one of the couples I wanted to make it to the finals. adishfpaosdk if Derek and Shawn win again….. Hoping Tony has better luck this season! He deserves it for all those crappy partners!
    I recognized the dancers in Derek’s number! It was Allison Holker, Melanie Moore, and Kathryn McCormick from sytycd!!!
    Thanks for giving an on point and entertaining recap :)

  7. 7
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    @Pikey: I feel the same way about Tony. He’s had so many useless partners over the years – it’s time for him to get what he deserves. I did a little shopping on Black Friday – it wasn’t too bad. Then again, I didn’t go out first thing in the morning.

    @Boogie wiggles: TEAM ANYONE BUT DEREK!

    @wcsdancer: I kind of feel the same way now that Apolo is gone. Of all the former champs, he was the one I wouldn’t have minded taking the win.

    @Madani: Maybe we shouldn’t say “TEAM ANYONE BUT DEREK!” With my luck, they’d let Bristol come back and take the win.

    @choch850: Thanks for the love! I’ll probably be back for the next season because everyone hates recapping this show (mainly because of how time consuming it can be) and I’m a big pushover. When Flipit asks for someone to recap it, I’ll most likely say yes. :)

    @kron: adishfpaosdk indeed if Derek and Shawn win.

  8. 8
    wcsdancer
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 10:17 am

    I’m obviously not very cool, so what does “adishfpaosdk” mean?

  9. 9
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 10:30 am

    @wcsdancer: It’s just a mash-up of letters that one makes when banging one’s head against the keyboard. I was trying to be silly and repeat the exact pattern that kron used. :)

  10. 10
    wcsdancer
    Posted November 27, 2012 at 2:45 pm

    Thanks @PopePhilly. I hate not knowing what the cool kids are talking about. :)

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