DWTS: The BLOODY Finale!

Recaps

By T-Cake | Wednesday, May 23, 2012 | 4:18 pm | 6 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Dancing w/ The Stars, Recaps

To quote Manilow “Looks like we made it!” Hey Gasmii, it’s the finals!!! Are you ready??

All of us were sad to see Maria and Derek go home last week (and by “all of us”  I mean “me”). But now it’s down to the final 4. First they’re going to be dancing in a style the judges think they need to improve on. So basically any dance. Then they’ll be doing the long anticipated Freestyle dance. Long anticipated unless you didn’t know it was coming.

 

William Levy needs to work on the Cha Cha Cha as bad as Bruno needs to work on being creepy to all the hunky guys on the show. But still that’s the dance they’ve chosen, and Bruno’s there to um… help out. Smash cut to: William getting molested by Bruno, but William not really minding. Hmm..  For some reason, I’m really digging William Levy tonight. How’s that different from any other night?

Not streamers but an ejaculation from Bruno’s vicinity.

  • Len: “Loud and Proud. Good as I’ve ever seen in 14 seasons of Cha Cha Cha.” So he thought the dance was gay?    10
  • Bruno: After cleaning up after himself, he  compliments William’s placement.   10
  • Kerry Ann: Your Cha Cha magic is the same, but your dancing is refined. Wet panties.    10

 

Katherine & Mark. After last week’s little mess up, they’re only here because of votes. How many times has this happened? Although, I do agree that she should be here. G/Len stops into help with their Paso Doble and do some Mark-molesting while he’s at it. Why?

“When I jump in the air, flash your vag.”

  • Bruno: Full of artistry. Beautiful shapes extending until forever.   10
  • Kerry Ann: Prima Diva of Dancing with the Stars.   10
  • Len: He makes an awkward tapas comment about how tasty it was.    10

 

So the judges aren’t even going to bother weighing in. “10′s TO EVERYONE!!!!!”

Donald & Peta. Kerry Ann stops in to help them peek (Donald’s word, not mine) with an Argentine Tango. Donald “I want the judges to be in perfect harmony about my performance.”  Ebony and Ivory.

“Also I want it to look like we’re doing it”

  • Kerry Ann: New crispness. More light and shade than last time.   10
  • Len: More content. Lifts were great. It was a tad careful.   9
  • Bruno: Subtle intensity.  10

 

William & Cheryl’s Freestyle. Evidently the Freestyle is a make or break kind of deal.  William says, ”To make it this far…is like getting to a boat from Cuba and not making it to America. There may be some Cubans that disagree. Cheryl is smartly playing to his strengths combining Argentine Tango,  Samba, Salsa and lifts. He does have those big, beefy arms, right?

But those lifts aren’t going so smooth. He’s dropping her like a trick at the end of the night.

It’s a lot of lifts and grinding but not much… wait for it… CONTENT!

“I’m backin’ up, backin’ up, backin’ up, backin’ up.                                                                                    ’Cause my daddy taught me good.”

  • Len: What you do, you do well. “But it was predictable. All you do is shake your butt and get the women screamin’. I didn’t just want a salsa with lifts.” I’m fine with the ass shaking, btw.   9    
  • Bruno: Something about two devils unleashed on Latin America? I think he’s saying it was like el chupacabra.      10
  • Kerry Ann: Exactly what a freestyle should be. Breaking new ground, and blah, blah, blah. She and G/Len descend into a slap fight.     10

 

Before they get their scores Brick Bark Shart-egg asks, “Did you have any input in the choreography?”  To which William responds, “Yeah, like always, we have some problems, but thank God it didn’t happen on the floor.” Oh, dumb, hot William, I’ll miss you.

 

Katherine & Mark’s Freestyle.  Mark wants to go crazy bout a sharp dressed man. Hang on. Pretty sure I misheard that. In hopes of highlighting her diverse talents, he wants to throw in a bunch of styles and toss them. Like a salad, Mark? She wants to put it all out there, and leave it on the floor. We’re still talking about dancing, yeah? 

Welsh Wiggler? ‘nough said.

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T-Cake
About

Originally a hamster, T-Cake was found frolicking on the shores of Lake Titicaca. He loves scripted hour dramas (which he aspires to write professionally), dancing (which he does semi-professionally), and cake. Feed him cake. He's a quietly masculine lil guy and is way more handsome and talented than he realizes.

6 Comments

  1. 1
    Ms Cool
    Posted May 23, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Being the biased #80 fan that I am, I’ve felt Donald was underscored throughout the competition – at least in comparison to the others. I am very happy he won. Thanks for the recaps!

  2. 2
    lestermaddox
    Posted May 24, 2012 at 9:58 am

    Based strictly on dancing talent Kathrine should have won this competition. Based on entertainment value added to dancing talent, the mirror ball went to the right person. Donald’s dancing was just fun to watch and unexepected. Bravo Donald!

    I agree Ms. Cool that Donald was underscored all season – if William’s ass shaking deserved a 10 in his first dance, then Donald’s tango certainly did, because even it was “too careful”, it was much more complex and well done than anything William did. I think Len hit it right on the head when he said all William did was shake his bum and make people scream.

    I was a bit disappointed for Katherine since she has worked so hard the entire season, but it is hard to root for her to win when I hate Mark so much. Maybe some day he will come to the realization that people don’t watch to see him dance, they watch to see the ‘celebrity’ dance – he is just a prop.

  3. 3
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted May 24, 2012 at 10:14 am

    I never found Donald’s dancing entertaining because he was always too in his head trying to remember the steps which made him seem awkward and stiff. I was surprised that the only person who seemed to acknowledge that was Peta when she said Donald’s biggest weakness is that he’s stiff. Yes, all season he seemed to force the dancing but none of the judges ever called him out for it or his occasional “frying pan hands.” He was good at doing the steps, but he wasn’t as good at finishing the movements or transitions.

    William was the opposite. He has great natural rhythm and none of the normal self-consciousness that most of the male stars have about wearing Cuban heels or tight pants or shaking their asses, what with being Cuban, but all those things probably inhibited Donald’s dancing. So while William may not have been given as “complex” choreography as Donald, which wasn’t all that complex in the AT, it was more of the “walk, walk, pose, lift” that he did in their first AT, only with more walk, walk, pose to simulate dancing, William’s extensions and transitions, and especially his arm/hand positions, were far better than Donald’s.

    And Len was right about Katherine, where each man was lacking something (William’s technique and Donald’s finishing and transitions) she was equally adept at both sides. Based on skill alone, she should have won, but football players always over-perform. Not one of the three who’ve won has been near the best dancer in his season, and even someone as awkward as Jerry Rice (great receiver, gruesome dancer) made the finals, so Donald’s winning was almost a foregone conclusion when he could actually learn the steps.

  4. 4
    Sel
    Posted May 24, 2012 at 6:03 pm

    Any one of them could have won. It was a final vote based on personality. Donald won because he has more fans -football fans.

    The other two actually won pretty big too! Now everyone knows William Levy exists, is hot and an actor who can move. This show was a career magic bullet. He is now the new Antonio Banderas. He has a hot US film career ahead. If he can sing -even a little -even better…

    Same with Katherine. It was a great move to actually start one of her dances with a vocal. I bet there are many, many, many people trying as I type, to find the right project to capitalize on her name and face recognition. Broadway? Acting classes are certainly in the works.

  5. 5
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted May 24, 2012 at 11:08 pm

    I feel semi-bad, because Katherine really deserved it. She was the best dancer there definitely..

    But you really cannot underestimate the importance of the freestyle dance, and Donald’s blew her’s out of the water. Plus, Donald is the most well-known in the US out of all of them and in general, he was the easiest to identify with. Katherine and William are these traditionally beautiful people who were great and universally loved from day 1. They improved, but it was weird, because it looks like it kind of happened by osmosis. Like, they just got better by virtue of dancing every week.
    But Donald seemed to work harder…like he appeared to be actively taking the judges’ comments to heart and actively improving. People like to see that and will get behind that kind of contestant over a contestant for whom everything seems effortless. Nobody likes those kinds of people who appear to just wake up one day and be good at stuff. It makes us feel bad about ourselves.’

    But I’m happy he won. I do like Donald’s personality, he’s a good dancer, and his family is freaking adorbs. Plus, Peta deserves something nice after being stuck with Ron Artest last season. So yayy and long live Donald Driver.

    Who’s excited about All Stars next season? I can’t lie, I’m excited. :3

  6. 6
    Iona Trailer
    Posted May 25, 2012 at 7:10 am

    The Welsh chick should have won. The was best dancer and so gracious every week.

    However, Peta is my new favorite female pro dancer and was happy she beat that preening attention whore Mark Ballas.

    William could have won had Cheryl Burke choreographed a better freestyle. She went the lazy easy route.

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