To quote Manilow “Looks like we made it!” Hey Gasmii, it’s the finals!!! Are you ready??
All of us were sad to see Maria and Derek go home last week (and by “all of us” I mean “me”). But now it’s down to the final 4. First they’re going to be dancing in a style the judges think they need to improve on. So basically any dance. Then they’ll be doing the long anticipated Freestyle dance. Long anticipated unless you didn’t know it was coming.
William Levy needs to work on the Cha Cha Cha as bad as Bruno needs to work on being creepy to all the hunky guys on the show. But still that’s the dance they’ve chosen, and Bruno’s there to um… help out. Smash cut to: William getting molested by Bruno, but William not really minding. Hmm.. For some reason, I’m really digging William Levy tonight. How’s that different from any other night?
Not streamers but an ejaculation from Bruno’s vicinity.
- Len: “Loud and Proud. Good as I’ve ever seen in 14 seasons of Cha Cha Cha.” So he thought the dance was gay? 10
- Bruno: After cleaning up after himself, he compliments William’s placement. 10
- Kerry Ann: Your Cha Cha magic is the same, but your dancing is refined. Wet panties. 10
Katherine & Mark. After last week’s little mess up, they’re only here because of votes. How many times has this happened? Although, I do agree that she should be here. G/Len stops into help with their Paso Doble and do some Mark-molesting while he’s at it. Why?
“When I jump in the air, flash your vag.”
- Bruno: Full of artistry. Beautiful shapes extending until forever. 10
- Kerry Ann: Prima Diva of Dancing with the Stars. 10
- Len: He makes an awkward tapas comment about how tasty it was. 10
So the judges aren’t even going to bother weighing in. “10′s TO EVERYONE!!!!!”
Donald & Peta. Kerry Ann stops in to help them peek (Donald’s word, not mine) with an Argentine Tango. Donald “I want the judges to be in perfect harmony about my performance.” Ebony and Ivory.
“Also I want it to look like we’re doing it”
- Kerry Ann: New crispness. More light and shade than last time. 10
- Len: More content. Lifts were great. It was a tad careful. 9
- Bruno: Subtle intensity. 10
William & Cheryl’s Freestyle. Evidently the Freestyle is a make or break kind of deal. William says, ”To make it this far…is like getting to a boat from Cuba and not making it to America. There may be some Cubans that disagree. Cheryl is smartly playing to his strengths combining Argentine Tango, Samba, Salsa and lifts. He does have those big, beefy arms, right?
But those lifts aren’t going so smooth. He’s dropping her like a trick at the end of the night.
It’s a lot of lifts and grinding but not much… wait for it… CONTENT!
“I’m backin’ up, backin’ up, backin’ up, backin’ up. ’Cause my daddy taught me good.”
- Len: What you do, you do well. “But it was predictable. All you do is shake your butt and get the women screamin’. I didn’t just want a salsa with lifts.” I’m fine with the ass shaking, btw. 9
- Bruno: Something about two devils unleashed on Latin America? I think he’s saying it was like el chupacabra. 10
- Kerry Ann: Exactly what a freestyle should be. Breaking new ground, and blah, blah, blah. She and G/Len descend into a slap fight. 10
Before they get their scores Brick Bark Shart-egg asks, “Did you have any input in the choreography?” To which William responds, “Yeah, like always, we have some problems, but thank God it didn’t happen on the floor.” Oh, dumb, hot William, I’ll miss you.
Katherine & Mark’s Freestyle. Mark wants to go crazy bout a sharp dressed man. Hang on. Pretty sure I misheard that. In hopes of highlighting her diverse talents, he wants to throw in a bunch of styles and toss them. Like a salad, Mark? She wants to put it all out there, and leave it on the floor. We’re still talking about dancing, yeah?
Welsh Wiggler? ‘nough said.