Fashion Star Recap- Fash-Holes Assemble!

Recaps

By Jane and Blanche | Sunday, March 10, 2013 | 1:13 am | 12 Comments
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Posted in: Fashion Star, Recaps

 

  Here we are again, Gasmii, ready to walk down the runway with you each week and fantastically sit in judgement of others.  Life is good.  We would like to take a moment to thank NBC for keeping this show to a one hour format. It could easily have been over done into a two-hour ordeal but they restrained themselves and kept it to an hour. Maybe we should be thanking Macy’s, Saks and Express because we have to imagine they have some kind of exclusivity agreement in place  so NBC can’t find enough sponsors to fill the added airtime but let’s not over think things.

2 hours of Jessica Simpson? Ain’t nobody got time for that!

We couldn’t get through the opening intro without laughing folks.  The announcer exclaims “Jessica Simpson, America’s favorite mom!”  That can’t be true- her kids aren’t old enough to vote!

100 points to whoever can name her biggest hit song without looking it up

We have to wonder what Bitchie has to say about that title because all she got in her intro was “Best Dressed and entrepreneur” which we also know isn’t true based on her poop hat.

Who designed that hat? Let’s kick them off next  

John Varvatos gets dubbed the #1 name in men’s wear and the face of fashion. We have a hard time even remembering his name, often calling him “Joe Somebody” or “Not Nick” And the “Face of Fashion” really?

Inconceivable!

The new host Louise Bulemic Horse Teeth (clearly she is trying to use her native American roots to pander to the audience- as a brit, she has not been properly schooled in American history)  tells us this year the competition will be a bit different. The designers will be split into 3 teams with the stars acting as mentors.  The stars meet their teams and tell them that their designs this week should be Showstoppers. Does anyone else think calling the first show ‘the showstopper’ is a bad omen? Maybe it’s just us.

Jessica’s team has;

Hunter, a southern woman whose designs have already been kicked out of Saks once. She’s here for redemption

Tori designed for Kmart for 5 years and thinks she is a shoe in to win because she knows what people want to buy- this statement is usually the kiss of death in reality so we already know she’ll be in the bottom

David doesn’t know what a two-fer is and we are sad for him

JesseRay/Garrett who are co-designers, business partners and besties! Translation: one’s always a top and the other is always a bottom

Not Nick has;

Amber who runs her business alone and actually answers her own cell phone, the horror

Cassandra, who quit her job to be able to do the show and thinks that if she wins she’ll be named a Canadian National Hero. As if that’s hard.

Sylvia has a background in Paris Haute Couture, our eyes hurt from rolling already

EEt must be purfect or zey weel not let me back in Paris

Branden who picks a not so unique idea which is automatically stolen by another designer

And Bitchie says she hand-picked; 

Priscilla, aspires to be an updated version of her grandmother’s attic while wearing a condom shaped hat

She’s ready to wear

Johanna who is clearly a diminutive hispanic man in drag

Bret tells us his wife of 6 years began to hate fashion and left him.  Mmhmm, we doubt she began to hate fashion as much as she hated him dating all his male models.

Please, just love me

Daniel is an overacheiver who truly believes he can do anything and is better than everyone else.  Sounds like team player material.

We’re ready for the runway! Love the pace of this show!

We think the judges are ready- hard to see behind the giant desk

The 5 mentors are ready; Bitchie, Not Nick, Jessica and her 2 breasts 

Not Nick’s team is up first.

Cute! And Express wants them for $175,000! This might mean a raise for the Asain sweatshop to $.05 a day

$70? Affordable but probably means no raise

No offers for the Canadian Mountie wear 

Macy’s got these two-fers for $120,000 

Two-fers are expensive these days!

Saks gets these for $75,000 and Sylvia gets to stay in Paris another day

We’ll stick to our sweatpants, thanks

Nicole’s team is next

Great dress for Skeletor and goes to Saks for $150,000 then Daniel gave an Oscar acceptance speech

JoMana’s showstoppers got a $55,000 offer from Macy’s

Condom head got Macy’s to offer $80,000

And no love for Bret- the buyer’s must hate fashion

Whoever has the biggest penis gets the condom hat

 

Team Simpson is next down the runway

A bidding war erupts over these dresses and Hunter decides she wants to be back at Saks- clearly not as spiteful as we are so she annoys us

David should have designed a place to put the sleeves after they came off because no one wants any of it.

Everyone agrees that these are dated and no one bids- Top and Bottom are sad

Nobody wants Tori’s trenchcoat- too bad Kmart can’t bid

 Jessica only had 1 designer who got an offer- will she understand what it means to be a mentor or will her breasts have to step in and do the job?

Now the mentors have to decide which 2 designers go up for elimination and this is where we started to worry they would drag the show out for another hour. But they announce that Top and Bottom and Bret are the worst  and the buyers send Bret home. Wow! Well, that’s what happens when a gay man tries to get into women’s pants, he needs to learn this lesson before he ruins another marriage with his “fashion”

Now you see him

Now you don’t

 (Jane had way too much fun slashing the man’s face, look out!)

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We grew up on the prairie; Blanche is older and became blind by her teenage years... Jane is the adorable younger sister, known as "half -pint." Ok, so that's not true but we were raised in Texas, so kinda close.

We're all grown up now and are official card-carrying members of the Asshole Social Society, it's kinda like an exclusive country club, but for snarky  people who have no money, and would rather stay home talking to the tv than to other people.

Growing up we fought like crazy but only during the commercials... Now we're sisters that love and respect each other, only on the 8's tho (kinda like the weather channel...)

We love all reality tv and meat products.

We will try to make you laugh but a majority of the time we just make ourselves laugh so you may get a raw deal.

People love us! At least to our face they do, which is proper southern etiquette .

12 Comments

  1. 1
    Pegalicious
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 7:29 am

    Thanks for showing the websites; it’s fun to see the finished designs with the price the winning bidder is charging.

    I, too, was agape at the “America’s favorite mom” line. Apparently that was the best they could come up with when it came to Jessica Simpson.

    The editing made it clear that Bret would be in trouble for doing women’s wear, but I’m surprised that the buyers (especially the Macy’s buyer, who seemed to be familiar with his designs) didn’t keep him around with a stern warning to stay in his wheelhouse. Maybe it’s because there are several other menswear designers?

    I enjoy the quick pace of this show, and I like that they seem to emphasize the fashion process rather than manufactured angst. The whole bidding process fascinates me, and I’d like to see how the bidders arrive at their decisions. Does that chunk of money go to the designer? Or is that how much the store is willing to put into the materials and manufacturing, with the designer getting a cut of every item sold? Inquiring minds want to know!

    Thanks for your excellent (and quick) recapping!

  2. 2
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 9:13 am

    @pegalicious Jane here! I too am confused by the bidding!!!! I kept asking Blanche “sooo do they get that money?” So much that she stopped answering me with her “I don’t knows!” Lol

  3. 3
    Wills
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 2:22 pm

    Loved the quick pacing unlike some other shows (ahem shmoject shmunway!). I would like to see a little more of the design process though. I also wonder why H&M pulled out of being a buyer but glad Express is in! Thanks for the recap ladies!

  4. 4
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    We did love that they showed other people doing the sewing. Right now though, it feels a little too much like a game show than a fashion show. So we would like to see a bit more of the design process and bidding process as well.

  5. 5
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted March 10, 2013 at 5:07 pm

    I’m sad that Bret is gone. He’s really attractive….when he was young, he should have just gotten into the modeling side of things and left it at that.

    I knew Jessica Simpson’s team would do the worst.
    She’s bad at just about everything but growing breasts. And even that, she couldn’t quite do without a little help from her fetus(es).
    I’m surprised honestly that her fashion line has done so well, because I feel like I’ve seen her stuff in stores and haven’t been moved by them.

    Express overpaid for that orange dress. I wonder why the lady opened her bid so high. I know she’s new here, but damn. You always have the chance to do a bidding war, so there was no reason to come out the gate like that.
    And Hunter is dumb with her Saks Fifth Avenue obsession.
    If they threw your ass out once, you know they gonna throw you out again as soon as the show is done.

  6. 6
    juddfan
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 12:06 pm

    Just starting, but my guess on JS’s biggest song is her remake of Take My Breath Away . .

  7. 7
    juddfan
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 12:42 pm

    For myself, I saw a ton of fug up there on that runway!

    Loved the snarky cap, grrrls!!! Looking forward to more fun!

  8. 8
    juddfan
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 12:46 pm

    Man am I wrong about her top selling song . . . it was only #20 . . . the #3 hit shall remain un-spoiled, and I can safely say I’ve never heard of it!

  9. 9
    TheMiki TheMiki
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 1:19 pm

    I like this show because they have to design clothing that people might actually want to wear, so I feel less confused when they announce the winners and losers than I do during Project Runway.

    This is the best answer I could find about the bids:

    When the buyers offer money for a designers’ clothes—$50,000, or $80,000, or even more than $100,000—it’s not clear on TV what that money is for. But the designers don’t seem to act like it’s cash they’ve just won.

    Johnston said that “the designers do get a portion as a creative fee, and then they get points on the back end.” He said that, “unlike the real world, all of these buys are guaranteed,” and that when the buy happens, these are “real dollars, retail dollars. … The vast majority of those dollars are going to the clothes” and the costs to do things such as manufacture, produce, and ship them.

    The whole equation seemed very complicated to me, and also involves things such as the price point and how many units a store will produce. “If they’re buying more, they like it, and they think it’s going to sell more,” Johnston said. As the season progresses, designers will make more strategic decisions about what they make, asking themselves whether they want “more units in more stores,” like in H&M, “or do they want to be in Saks because it’s a $400 price point,” he said.

  10. 10
    Pegalicious
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 1:54 pm

    @TheMiki, thanks for the info on the bidding process. I feel a tad more informed, and I’ve found yet another job I’d never want to have (fashion buyer)!

  11. 11
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    @juddfan Jane here… The only song I remembered was that song about an angel. I ONLY remember it because watching the video Jess seemed, by facial expressions, that she was taking a crap.
    @themiki AWESOME! Thanks!
    @pegalicious amen!

  12. 12
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted March 11, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    @chaosbutterfly I totally agree with your entire comment:)

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