Food Network Star Episode 4 Recap: Fashion Plates and Platters

Previously on Food Network Star, Rock N Roll- aka Josh was sent packing.  But that’s ok because his band is touring this summer in Suck-a-palooza.  ROCK N ROLL!!!

Crap. I fear that now Rock N Roll is gone things just won’t be as amusing. This is a bust. Ok, well, let’s move on and see where this craptacular takes us.

We open with Gangster Anne Burrell (Michele) saying that she really wants to bring back the Michele of Episode 1.    So… because she has made this proclamation, you know that ain’t happening this week!

If I could just remember how I acted in the beginning…

Everyone gathers and stands behind telltale, gleaming metal cloches for The Star Challenge.  You know there isn’t a puppy or anything good under those domes.   The Mentors announce that this week they are back to working as Teams and they announce this week’s special guest judge:  Ted Allen.  

You are right.  I am awesome.

Of course, everyone starts sucking up to Ted and he announces that “It’s Fashion Week!”   Befitting of this event, the contestants will be doing Food Makeovers.  They will each need to “makeover” a notoriously unappealing dish into something fabulous. It should be pleasing to the eye and also to the palate.  Also, they will be having Models walk the runway while they, verbally, present the food.   Ok.  Models and Food.  I know, the question is “Name two things that shall never meet?”   Having models showing the food is like having a fish demonstrating how to ride a bike.

Oh and there’s a $10,000 prize to the winning individual.  And one person from the bottom two teams will have to duke it out in the producer’s challenge.

So here is the lineup of who is making over what:
Malcolm will make-over Meatloaf (not the singer, the dish)
Nikki will make-over Pork Chops and Sauerkraut
Hand Crafted Eric will make-over Fish Sticks and tartar sauce
Gangster will make-over Baked Flounder
Ippy will make-over Salisbury Steak with Peas and Carrots
Martita will make-over Chicken with Rice and Gravy
Yvan will make-over Shepherd’s Pie
Linkie will make-over Chicken Pot Pie (pies seem to be getting a bad rap here…)
Justin will make-over Beef Stroganoff
Frenchie (Emily) will make-over Ham Steak with Pineapple, Maraschino cherries and green beans
Judson will make-over Seafood Alfredo
Martie will make-over Tuna Noodle Casserole (what is it with Martie and tuna lately?)

I LOVE TUNA, Y’all!!!

Off to the grocery store to get all of their stuff, but there is a problem.  Eric can’t get his favorite “hand crafted” pre-packaged-freeze-dried-dehyrated spring roll skins.  

These look Hand-Crafted, right?

The store doesn’t have them so he has to settle for “rice paper” wrappers that should work.  Famous last word, fat boy, famous last words. I thought he was going to STEAM these bad boys.  Nope.  Rice paper and a deep fryer combined with a time constraint, doesn’t seem like a good idea to me.  Rice Paper, as the word PAPER implies… is delicate and dripping wet from being soaked.  And fryer oil is like Christian Bale: hot and unforgiving. Frankly, I’m surprised Hand Crafted didn’t endeavor to MAKE his own skins. Too bad Rock N Roll isn’t around- he could have skinned* him to make his spring rolls. (I am, in no way condoning the skinning of ex-contestants. Even if he was, possibly, the most annoying alien to ever visit this planet. This statement is merely a sick, sick joke. Satire, if you will. Besides, Ippy would make the best flesh suit.)

Eric, again this week, is running around like a headless chicken. He soaks his rice paper skins, rolls his fish in them and then drops them in the fire.

McFishBlob