Ok, we are taking this show in the road, kids. Let’s hope the Vagina Table will fit in the U-Haul.
If he couldn’t be back home in Hawaii, Miami is the next best thing! Donning the latest spring collection from the Don Ho’s Hawaiian Shirts for Big Boys Line, Ippy is ready for some warm weather. The team of misfits, and I’m not just talking about Team Alton, but everyone, who, truly now, are from the Land of Misfit Toys, are in Miami and they are popping open the Champers!!
Cheers to us!! We are AMAZING!!!
The Mentors are also in Miami. WTF are Alton and Bobby wearing.
Fashion Felony in Progress
Thank goodness that Bobble Head is there in canary yellow to break up the eye-sore/ optical illusion that is Bobby Flay and Alton Brown. The contestants are welcomed to Food Network’s South Beach Food & Wine Festival and are presented with the Star Challenge.
Their mission is to create two dishes. The first a main dish for an adult- and the second is a “Mini Me” version of the same dish for kids (under age 10) and they have to film their best 30 second party tip. Uh oh… has Martie ever said anything in 30 seconds.
You can’t time for shit…
Oh, and one more thing to mention, the guest judges are Paula Deen, her son and her husband. To the winner of this challenge goes, remember they aren’t being judged in teams anymore, a $20,000 Target Gift Card. Which would cover me for, oh, 2 visits. Maybe.
Seriously, I was in Target a few weeks ago and was behind this lady: “How on earth is my bill $40??? Surely, I couldn’t have spent $40!!” And the cashier had to go, item by item on the receipt while the customer calculated the bill BY HAND on the back of an envelope. (Because the little hamsters inside the cash registers may not be up on the latest mathematical equations.”
By my calculation, my bill is only $7.99
I was like “LADY?!?!! YOU ARE GETTING OUT OF HERE FOR $40… RUN!!! And say your prayers!!!” (Now, I realize we are in difficult economic times and $40 is a lot of money. But if you are on a fixed budget or if you only have a certain amount to spend- try to keep a tally in your head, or better yet, on the back of that envelope, so you won’t have a coronary at the register.) BTW, if you ever see me at Target- whatever you do, don’t get in line behind me. Because I am always behind some lunatic who is questioning the bill or trying to pay with change from the bottom of her purse or paying with 7 different credit cards and a 3rd party check.
Sorry, back to the games..
We immediately cut to the contestants discussing their dishes and tips with their mentors. Up first is Martie with her Partie Tip… it’s an “entertainment survival kit.” Sounds like it will take longer than 30 seconds.
Vampoor wants to make a cold corn soup- sounds like a good thing for Miami.
Bobble tells Ippy that he really MUST have more energy. Miami makes Malcolm think of Caribbean Food. So he is going to make Grilled Jerk Chicken. I’d love to see something more creative from him in the Caribbean Arena, but whateves. And his “tip” is telling people to marinate their chicken. Bobby is like, No- that’s too simple!!
In the one on one interview, Malcolm wonders why he should pick a POV?? Why be limited to one? Well, when you are a famous TV Chef, Malcolm, you can branch out. But for the purpose of THIS competition, you have to pick a POV so the producers can see what you are passionate about and they can build a SHOW around you and your Point of View.