So $20,000 gift card from Target to the winner. Also the girls (and for some reason Gangster is not part of this group) get to go shop at Target for table settings, decorations, etc. And they come out with a bunch of crap- piñatas, freaking pin wheels- looks like the Oriental Trading Catalog puked in their cart. The chefs go shopping and Gangster wants to make a crab dish. Ugh (anticipating the cleaning and deshelling of these). And she notes that it’s going to be “a lot of work.” It’s called foreshadowing, people.
The contestants start filming their tips. They don’t show everything. Alton AGAIN talks to Martie about her timing and how she only has 30 seconds. And how timing always is her undoing, etc. Martie is doing her Partie Survival tip with some kind of bowl of wet paper towels. Sounds like something sixth graders use as weapon in study hall (do they even have study hall anymore?). But alas, Triple M (Motor Mouth Martie) runs out of time before we find out the actual tip.
Nice work, dumbs
Gangster finishes 5 seconds UNDER, she pulled a Martita. We see a tiny clip of Ippy who is thrilled to be in the sun and we see him saying something about a “Purse for the Gods,” so I assume his tip is something about Louis Vuitton.
It’s time to decorate, so Nikki sends the boys off with some of the “kid stuff” and they wind up building sand castles while the girls do the party set up. Typical.
It’s all fun and games until somebody loses an eye
The prep begins, and Gangter is having a hard time with the 150 crab claws she needs to prep. A) it’s too much work for one person to do in an hour (uh, Gangster, I’ve said this to you before- and you DON’T listen. Jeez, it’s like she doesn’t read this recap or something) and b) the crab claws are tearing her hands to shreds.
Do Crabs have large talons?
Honestly, I don’t know how Vampoor is managing to compete in this sunshine! Maybe he drank some Faerie’s blood.
Is that a Pint of Blood on his shirt?
The Queen of Butter herself arrives, Miss Paula Deen.
I think Martie pops a rod. Paula Deen is her hero and she’s completely freaking out!!!
Martie, excitedly, tells her about her dish, Endive with Goat Cheese and Salmon Roe. Paula is like… I hate goat cheese. Haha
I’m going to need a side of restraining order with this goat cheese…
But then Martie tells us there is CREAM CHEESE in there too. Hmmm, I’m surprised there isn’t a can of Cream of Mushroom Soup. I thought every Southern Recipe had a can of cream of mushroom soup and some crumbled Ritz crackers on top??!?! (I went to school down South and I love the food, so don’t hate on me… but you can go make me some sweet tea. Thanks.)
Paula chews off her own arm to get away from Martie, but don’t worry, she buttered it first. And moves onto Vampoor, whoms she refers to as Elvis. Someone ELSE, clearly, not reading this recap.
We just love Vampires in Savannah, Y’all!
Paula adores Vampoor and Martie has visions of a stake in Vampoor’s future and heart for getting between her and her lady crush. Except Paula’s “lady pond” is a deep fat fryer. (Ok, I’ll admit, Paula looks GREAT on the cover of People Magazine this week. She has lost 30 lbs. Which is, roughly, equivalent of a member of One Direction.)