Food Network Star Recap: Miami Heat

Recaps

By MisRed | Tuesday, July 3, 2012 | 10:33 pm | 20 Comments
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Posted in: Food Network Star, Recaps

Cooking time is up and the guests sit down and beautifully decorated tables, thanks to Nikki and Martita- maybe they should be on Next Food Network Decorator Star.

Vampoor is up first, he has made a Chilled Sweet Corn Soup topped with Chili Oil (applied to the top of the soup with a dropper- which is cool) his “kid version” is heavier on the corn. 


This Chili Oil will paralyze them long enough for me to attack

As he presents the soup and he is going to focus on “not being stone cold.” Hahaha  See, even HE thinks he’s a vampire.  (Clearly ONE person vampire is reading this recap.) His soup is Vegan, wheat-free, dairy-free, nut-free, and, possibly, Flavor-Free… just kidding it’s Vampoor, he can make dust taste good.  The guests/judges start to sample his soup and Paula and Gigantor both, like, hack up a fur ball. 

Apparently the Chili Oil on top was a little spicy.   He presents his tip.  If you want a stress free party and to concentrate on partying and NOT on cleaning up… use as asparagus spear as a toothpick.  Cool, but not always applicable, but Paula loves him and says “he thinks outside the box.”  Alton replies “I don’t think he knows the box is there.”

Martie presents her Endive stuffed with Goat Cheese (and Cream Cheese) and Salmon Roe, and a Cheesy Chicken Bon Bon for the kids, which is the same as the adults, but more goat cheese, because kids LOVE goat cheese and substitute chicken for the salmon.  Although the picture of her kid dish looks nothing like her adult dish.  It looks like a Camel and a Squirrel Humping a Chicken Meatball. 


Even a Camel needs a little action from time to time

Her tip, before she ran out of time and the tape cuts off, is to soak towels in ice water with cucumber and lets guests cool off using the towels.  Or you can buy a fan.  Paula is very understanding and says “It’s hard for a southern girl to do anything in 30 seconds.” 


“I’m going to skin you and wear you like last year’s Versace”

Martie states that meeting Paula was such a thrill and freaking Gigantor is all choked up because she is so touched.  I love how Gigantor likes to pretend she is not a Fembott sent here by aliens to destroy our civilization.

Nikki’s turn.  And guess what?  “The last thing I want to do is cook for kids.”  That is… a direct quote.   She is still bitter that the kids didn’t like her puke green smoothie a few weeks back.  I mean, seriously, has she ever met a child?  


There are children here somewhere… I can smell them.

Nikki has prepared Grilled lamb skewers and a grilled panzanella salad.   And she has no variation for kids or maybe it was edited out.  Her tip is to run around the house and collect spare vases or mason jars- you know, because you live at Martha Stewart’s house, fill them with sand and shove a candle in the sand.  Paula thinks it’s boring to only cook on the grill.  Ha.  Even Paula doesn’t like Nikki.  The food is just ok.  But they think that Nikki is the most natural she has ever been and was warm and playful.  So, crap, she’s staying.

The POV-less Malcom is up next with is spicy Jerk Chicken with rice and pigeon peas and the kids version contains LESS Habernero and has a pineapple salsa.  You know how kids LOVE Habernero.

The most-loved kids foods are:

1.        Ice Cream 

2.        Oreos

3.        Habeneros

4.        Paste

5.        Cake

His tip is to tell people to grill a pineapple.  His tagline is “From Malcolm with some soul”  Oh yeah, these pants scream SOUL.


Just let your SOOOOOUUUUUUULLLLL Glo
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MisRed
About

Misred is an East Coast Gal and a jack of all trades.  Project Manager, Trained Chef, Amateur Writer, Professional Mocker, Devoted Wife and Mother of Furry Kids (dogs, not werewolves).  I spend my time doing all of the above, as well as making the necessary preparations for my eventual and eternal damnation in the fiery pits of hell.  I take comfort in knowing I'll have friends there... like Satan.

Check out my blog www.meabritapitandanitwit.wordpress.com

20 Comments

  1. 1
    Ev
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 1:31 am

    I predict next week will be Ivan or Martita so there will be 2 on every team, unless Marti shows her true motormouth self on-camera again or Gangsta kills somebody with her shellfish. It’s fun to watch, but I think they should just give it to Justin already and spend the rest of the season having the rest do crazy kitchen duels against one another for the chance to be on another food network show.

  2. 2
    ConfusedinCanada
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 6:17 am

    You know I don’t know honestly if I would watch any of their shows. Sad to say but so true.

  3. 3
    zerocool
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 8:15 am

    If someone wanted to hire me, but the one thing I had to do was come up with a “POV” I don’t think I would be all….”I’m so special, I don’t need one, I don’t want to be restricted to one”. Malcolm had to go.

    I would still watch Vampoor’s, Gangster’s and Ippy’s show. The rest are meh.

  4. 4
    Another World
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 8:41 am

    I didn’t mind losing Malcolm at all. He was boring as all get out.

    I thought for sure Gangster was a goner when they said they had to take her food away from the guests because of the shells. How embarrassing! Glad she’s still in the game.

    The “grill next door” has got to go. I hate everything about her.

    Vampoor and his cup o’ blood t-shirt- hahaha! His soup looked delicious.

    Thanks for the recap!

  5. 5
    MummyButterfly
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    I actually LIKED Malcom’s “lack of POV” – the whole “I’m Soul” thing was interesting, I would watch him cook. (Especially after a professional got ahold of his wardrobe… Exhibit A!) Sad to see him go, but he wasn’t my favorite in this race.

    Good for Ippy! Now, let’s see if he can maintain it for longer than one week, I’m pretty sure they go back inside next week. (They have to, TWO weeks in the sunshine really would kill Vampoor.)

    I can’t stand Grill Next Door (or Girl on Grill, whatever her name is) or Martita. Both are boring to me. Marti is okay, but I couldn’t watch her. Then, I’m FROM Georgia and it took me a while to really enjoy Paula Deen (my middle son LOVES her – we even ate at her restaurant in Savannah for him, and bought a signed cookbook). So it is POSSIBLE that Marti would grow on me in a cooking show. It is also possible that I would tune her out very quickly.

    I wouldn’t watch a show about New England. Doesn’t interest me at all – especially if the woman can’t keep shells out of her meals. The difference is, it’s Gangster’s POV I don’t like, she’s fine. :)

    If Vampoor gets kicked off, I will cry like I did when Daughtry left Idol…

  6. 6
    Lizbot
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 3:37 pm

    Ok, I have to ask (since I don’t actually watch the show): are you doctoring Vampoor’s pictures, or is that his real colouring? Cause that really does look a little undeadish….

  7. 7
    MummyButterfly
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 4:10 pm

    @Lizbot – that’s Vampoor! That pale face with the slightly red cheeks… Love me some Vampire!

  8. 8
    MisRed MisRed
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 6:23 pm

    In my opinion, Gangster’s biggest issue is that she bites off more than she can chew She has good ideas, but she can’t execute them in the allotted time. I have the same problem. I always get my most brilliant, evil ideas when i do not have enough time to execute them. :) They, like on Top Chef, should be judging based on the chef/cook’s performance in the current episode. They are not really supposed to be considering past performance or an overall score. Using those rules, Gangster really should have gone home. She left time at the end of her presentation and left shells in her food. Plus she didn’t use OJ Simpson in her cocktail…. Thanks everyone for reading and for your comments. :)

  9. 9
    Lizbot
    Posted July 4, 2012 at 9:10 pm

    @MummyButterfly — wow! I find that intriguing and a little bit scary…thanks for the answer!

  10. 10
    MummyButterfly
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 4:52 am

    @Lizbot: http://www.foodnetwork.com/shows/food-network-star-season-8-justin-warner/pictures/index.html

    Those are Vampoor’s “official photos” from the FN website, it looks like they’ve photoshopped his cheeks a bit (I think they get really red when he gets overly heated or excited).

  11. 11
    mjhhawk
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 10:17 am

    It is very transparent that they are evening out the teams to make sure each coach has the same amount of players left. Malcolm should not have been in the bottom tow this week instead of Martie. And he definitely shouldn’t have gone home in front of Gangsta (who incidentally is playing whiffle ball with the guys in your photo while the girls decorated). They had to pull her food from the festival as a safety precaution. How did she survive? How is not honing in on a POV worse than that? Ev is right, Giada is losing someone next week. Let’s hope it is Martita jus so we don;t have to here Giada say her name as annoyingly as possible.

  12. 12
    mjhhawk
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 10:18 am

    It is very transparent that they are evening out the teams to make sure each coach has the same amount of players left. Malcolm should not have been in the bottom two this week instead of Martie. And he definitely shouldn’t have gone home in front of Gangsta (who incidentally is playing whiffle ball with the guys in your photo while the girls decorated). They had to pull her food from the festival as a safety precaution. How did she survive? How is not honing in on a POV worse than that? Ev is right, Giada is losing someone next week. Let’s hope it is Martita jus so we don;t have to here Giada say her name as annoyingly as possible.

  13. 13
    keebler elf
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    oh i hate when people leave the tails on shrimp. when im eating i don’t want to take time taking off the tails, i want to eat!

    it’s quite obvious vampoor is going to win & even though i probably won’t watch his show i hope they do something about that lip balm, it’s so distracting to me

  14. 14
    LaPetiteChanteuse
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 3:01 am

    I think they made the right choice getting rid of Malcolm. I mean, I don’t think he was the worst of the remaining contestants but he wasn’t going to win. I forget which episode she said it in but it stuck with me when Malcolm was arguing with Susie about not having a point of view and not wanting to limit himself and she said something like “I don’t like that. That sounds very negative.” It was a very corporate thing and at the end of the day, that’s what people who sign up for the show need to realize. I mean, don’t be like Nikki and just come in with a gimmick but on Food Network you sell yourself based on your stereotype. But don’t remind the big bosses that you’re playing a stereotype because then they feel uncomfortable.

  15. 15
    zerocool
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Exactly LaPetite! It’s a business and if your boss tells you to do something, you do it or risk losing your job.

  16. 16
    LAC LAC
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Your recaps get funnier and funnier. Thank you!!! And girl, you and me both about the Target/food store line issues. I usually get the ones that want to negotiate their purchases. Are we in a stall in Marrakesh? NO! Can you just figure out what you don’t want, pay for what you do want, and move along before I set up a cot to turn in for the night ’cause you are killing me! And please no “back in the day” stories to bore us with, thank yee!

    Not too sorry to see Malcolm go – he talks a good confessional, but in action, he is boring.

    “Martie Mee Maw” and “Grill small children because I hate them” are still with us, I see. Paula was starting to look a little scared with Martie ready to french her.

    What is happening to Martita? She is really starting to zone out. And I agree about Gangster’s over thinking her challenges – I don’t know why she is still there.

    Go Ippy and Justin!

  17. 17
    blueberryPancake
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 9:57 am

    oh gawd…Paula Deen riding a stick of butter is one of the signs of the apocalypse , i do believe. He dead eyes are coming for you Y’all!

    The POV this is annoying, but i get the “branding” of it all for them.
    I think malcom would be enjoyable to watch, he had some creative ideas/personality.

    Gangsta and Vampire are still my final pics.

    Mar-TEE-Ta is flaking out for some reason-hopefully she pulls it together-she is entertaining as well.

  18. 18
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted July 6, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    @mjhhawk: Ah hahahaha I have been thinking the same thing about Giada’s “Mar – TI – ta” with each syllable carefully enunciated and a giggle in her voice. Once or twice is cute…but c’mon!

    I watch practically every cooking competition out there, however, I don’t watch a single “cooking show”. Nor do I cook. Buuuut I’m fairly certain I would Justin’s show just to see what crazy shit he does next. Not to mention I love vampires.

  19. 19
    Sel
    Posted July 9, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    If you speak Spanish you know that any time you add “ita” on to the end of something it just means little. I’m guessing her REAL name is Marta, but there is the equivalent of a Marta senior in the family! She is beyond annoying to me since she only has stories to share off camera. Practice!

  20. 20
    Khakie
    Posted July 20, 2012 at 8:32 pm

    Vampoor is the first time food network star will have a contestant with a show I will actively watch maybe even dvr

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