Food Network Star Recap: Not a Corndog in Sight

Recaps

By MisRed | Tuesday, June 19, 2012 | 5:43 pm | 13 Comments
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Posted in: Food Network Star, Recaps

Martita suggests she make a Churro with some Mexican Hot Chocolate.  Linkie thinks she is taking a HUGE risk.

In the van on the way to get their groceries, the team is asking Martita a million questions about Mexican food and how to make it.  


I’m not with these gringos

Linkie wants to know what a churro is how to make it.  She also doesn’t know what chocolate is. Martita is like- I can’t carry this team on my back… If she’s carrying Ippy, she’s going to need some kind of wheelbarrow.  Although Yvan is so hopped up he can probably hoist Ippy over his head with no problem.   I’m kidding, I really like Ippy and think he is a talented chef with exceptionally bad taste in shirts.

At “Whole Paycheck,” Gangster is looking for chopped clams.  They don’t seem to have any.   Scrubbing and opening clams for this amount of chowder is a tremendous undertaking for a 2 hour time limit.   I said to myself- please don’t go with canned, please don’t go with canned…. And my Gangster did the right thing- she bought fresh clams.  


Nothing like a fresh clam to get me goin’

She’s excited about the flavor she’ll get from a fresh clam… insert your own lesbian joke here.  (Please don’t write that I am anti-gay, I love lesbians. I could BE a lesbians if women knew how to take out the garbage.)

The countdown starts- only 2 hours to cook.  Martie explains that she’s doing “Martie Party Southern Style Arrancini.”  She has a lot to do- browning ground beef and veal, she needs to make a marinara and she needs to make the risotto.  A) I would be using some type of swine in this thing- not ground beef.  She should be using a ham or salami.  But whatever- it’s Martie’s Partie.  Alton questions her and she says “I’ve ruined enough rice in my day to know how to make sticky rice.”  


Team Alton is fooked

 But risotto is something that needs, pretty steady attention.  Martie has 6 burners and something going on each one, which leaves her barely a second to talk.

Gangster is laboring over her clams, but she is taking the express lane- she is scrubbing them and steaming them to get them to open and then she’ll remove the meat.. and hopefully she doesn’t burn herself in the process.  Hell- you aren’t a chef if you don’t have a good burn story.


As an example, here is my burn from Culinary School.  

The Mentors and Bob and Gigantor come in and Alton tells everyone to STOP!!!  They have a twist.  And in walks the newest Iron Chef:  Geoffrey Zakarian.  And everyone is like… Oh no! because seeing someone from Iron Chef is never a good sign.  Geoffrey explains “On Iron Chef it is important to take an unusual ingredient and to elevate it to the next level…”  The contestants are all: That’s great jackhole, but this is NOT Iron Chef.  You are on the wrong set again, Geoff!


Hi there, everybody, I’m here to toss a monkey wrench into this whole shootin’ match

And then we see it, The Silver Cloche of Doom, under which lies their surprise secret ingredient:  Chicken Livers.


Winner Winner Chicken Liver

But, there is a silver lining, only one person from each team needs to use the secret ingredient in their dish.

Team Bobble Head’s Yvan is going to make a chicken liver taco.  Sound great.  If you are Mexican Cat.


Olé

Team Alton’s Vampoor, of course, readily accepts the challenge, as he feeds on chickens and their livers if human specimens are scarce.


Anybody have some lava beans and a nice Chianti?

Team Bobby’s Gangster is stuck with the livers.  Bobby suggests she make a chicken liver crouton to float on the top of her chowder.

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MisRed
About

Misred is an East Coast Gal and a jack of all trades.  Project Manager, Trained Chef, Amateur Writer, Professional Mocker, Devoted Wife and Mother of Furry Kids (dogs, not werewolves).  I spend my time doing all of the above, as well as making the necessary preparations for my eventual and eternal damnation in the fiery pits of hell.  I take comfort in knowing I'll have friends there... like Satan.

Check out my blog www.meabritapitandanitwit.wordpress.com

13 Comments

  1. 1
    featherhead
    Posted June 19, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Awesome recap! I noticed that usually when someone gets kicked off, the team usually says “no way ” ‘I can’t believe it ” yada yada – with Linky no one said that, they just gave her a quick hug and pushed her out the door.

  2. 2
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted June 19, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Yayy Team Alton!! Martie gets on my nerves, but I needed that arrancini in my mouth and in my belly. But Frenchie’s dish didn’t sound so good…I hate cheese and apple together, and then to put it in a grilled sandwich? Nooo.

    Nikki should have gone home. Her eyebrows make her look perpetually evil. Even when she was crying, she looked evil as fuck. Linkie was annoying, but at least she looked like someone that you could possibly be friends with. And really, that whole team was a fail. Malcolm is boring as fuck and doesn’t realize it, and I’m kind of tired of hearing about New England from GAB. No one cares. And I certainly don’t want to watch an entire show about that shit.

    @MisRed, that burn looked so horrible. I swear, burns are the worst type of injury in life. I’d rather have my hand cut or crushed in a door than have it be badly burned.

  3. 3
    MrsTimRiggins
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 6:41 am

    I knew Linkie would be going home and wasn’t upset by it, especially when I realized her thing is supposedly desserts but she doesn’t seem to know how to make many desserts. What was her POV? And it’s interesting that they are keeping the team numbers pretty much even–no one has had 2 losses in a row.
    Off topic but has anyone watched Mystery Diners on Food Network? It has got to be fake. There is no way they go in a restaurant with hidden cameras for 1 shift and find all these crazy things.

  4. 4
    mjhhawk
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 8:05 am

    I think Frenchie is a sleeper in this contest – Squishy Bob seems to love her. I’d rank them as contendors as Vampoor, Ippy, Franchie and then gangsta AB. Martie, Malcolm, and Grill Next door have no chance. I thought Martita was in the running, but she had a terrible week and the edit seemed to be cut to show her as pissy about helping her team which can’t bode well for her future.

    Is Mystery Diners different than the hidden camera show? I watched that once and the private eye watching all of the cameras was annoying.

  5. 5
    wcsdancer
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Vampoor likely used “GBD” because Alton frequently uses the phrase “golden brown and delicious” on Good Eats.

    It really irks me that they criticize the cooks for being too quiet, or not having a “big personality”. Judging from many of their current show hosts, “big personality” = obnoxious. Not all of us want to listen to over-the-top personas…Rachel Ray, Paula Deen, Guy Fieri, yeah, I’m looking at you.

  6. 6
    LisaCee
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Hilarious recap! “va-jay-jay corral” still has me laughing. And good call on the lipstick shade…you are absolutely right!!
    I so wanted Ms Independent to go home but having a feeling it won’t be long before the door hits her butt. I’m surprised Malcon is still there too.

  7. 7
    LyndaB
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 11:14 am

    OMG, I’m trying really hard not to pee myself reading this recap. You are so hysterical!

  8. 8
    MisRed MisRed
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Thank you all for the support! It is much appreciated. :) xo

  9. 9
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    I’m a bit off schedule (a-GAIN – too many shows but oh dear Jeebus don’t take them away – panic attack – breathe, Amy, just breathe).

    But! Thank you, MisRed for another fab recap. I liked that final three scenario you were playing around with, but I’m gonna half to throw Martita in for Ippy. He’s so…….low……key…..

    @MrsTimRiggins: Oh is that how Mystery Diners are playing it? Cheating, just a little, wink wink. I’ve yet to watch the first show but I thought it looked fascinating. Should I give up?

  10. 10
    lovesthehobbitses
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    Okay, I’m sorry if this was already discussed– but does it bother anyone else that Martie’s Party is pretty much the same thing as Aarti’s Party?? Not only a contestant, but a WINNER from a few seasons ago?? Every time Martie proudly discusses her POV (oh how clever! she made it rhyme!) I can’t help but cringe. How has the network not called her on this yet?

  11. 11
    keebler elf
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    does anyone know what justin’s pov is? none of them seem too interesting this season

  12. 12
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted June 24, 2012 at 10:42 am

    @keebler elf: Justin’s POV is something like “Rebel with a Culinary Cause”. He’s like the freakish but relatable badass of the food world.

    @loves…: I KNOW (spoken in my best Monica voice)! WTF is she thinking? Why hasnt “The Network” said something, like you mentioned. She’s damn skippy not winning. I’ll eat my iPod if she does.

  13. 13
    Amy
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Martita was a beyotch…

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