Food Network Star Recap: Not a Corndog in Sight

Recaps

By MisRed | Tuesday, June 19, 2012 | 5:43 pm | 13 Comments
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Posted in: Food Network Star, Recaps

In the final minutes we check in Martita who is getting pissed with her team because everyone is asking her a million questions.  That’s what happens when you claim to be an expert in something and speak with a phony Spanish accent.  But she looks like she wants to take Linkie and Yvan and toss them into a pile and do a mexican hat dance on their asses.  Oh, low and behold Martie can’t get her meat to brown and hasn’t rolled a single risotto ball.  Looks like she’ll have her work cut out for her on Day 2.   Linkie is, pretty much screwed, her dough is too sticky.  She had no idea what kind of dough to use to make a churro (for those playing at home, it’s a pate choux, same dough as for eclairs and crème puffs) because hers is a sticky mess.


DOH!

 

I have been observing a phenomenon.  Apparently Food Network only has 1 tube of lipstick.  As everyone is wearing the same shade.


Communal Lip Stick 

We cut to Day 2, they have only 1 hour to prep.  We see Linkie writing the menu on a chalk board and apparently Linkie doesn’t know how to spell guacamole.  She’s South African… it’s probably not a popular item for her culture.  But Martita acts like Linkie murdered her family.

Nikki is, suddenly, regretting her decision to make a dish that has 7 steps in order to plate.  And Linkie surmises that she is in trouble because finished churros are not soft but crunchy… so she will just sell them like Biscotti.  Which is nothing like a churro.  That’s a great plan.  A great plan… for me to poop on.

Vampoor and Martie are standing there staring at two pots of oil.  That are not nearly hot enough to fry in.  They have absolutely nothing to serve and all hell is breaking loose.  A crowd is forming, but luckily, they have Martie who can make conversation with a bag of hair.  She chats up the crowd and gets their enthusiasm going.  For once her flapping gums are a GOOD thing.

Gangster is humping it- selling her chicken liver toast and clam chowder, talking to the crowd, hyping everyone up, while Malcolm and Nikki are suddenly mute.

Oh wait, Vampoor and Martie’s oil is FINALLY hot enough to fry in, so Vampoor starts frying while Martie plates the food.

Vampoor serves his tempura fritto misto and then mists it with lemon juice from a spray bottle.  Which is something I am so stealing- freaking vampire genius.  

Nikki is just plating and not speaking to anyone.  Way to be soft, friendly and welcoming, you shrew.   Gangster notices the lack of crowd interaction with Nikki and Malcolm and pulls them into a Team Huddle and tells them, point blank, that they need to talk more.

Gangster could be a dark horse in this whole thing!  I could see this coming down to a Vampoor, Ippy, Gangster Finale.  Which will end with Vampoor standing, victorious, on a pile of Ippy and Gangster’s bones, but I digress.

Team Bobby is first to be judged.  Malcolm says that he thinks Nikki is boring.  Well, if that isn’t the pot calling the kettle black… (it’s an expression, please don’t call me racist.) Takes one to know one, Malcolm!!

When the judges come around she just tell them what in her dish.  Bob asks her to tell them about the concept for their kiosk and Nikki said that while Malcolm and Gangster cooked fish East Coast style she wanted to “Take them down Route 66 to Southern California…”  and Bob asks her why she didn’t say THAT in the beginning?  THAT would have been interesting.  But Nikki just stated the recipe and had zero ooomph.  Maybe Bobby knocked the ooomph right out of her in the alley?  Who knows.


I’m going to kick someone’s ass down Route 66

Malcolm’s crab cake is amazing.  It really celebrates the crab.  The judges note that he is confident, but quiet.  He has glimmers of stardom, but it’s not enough.

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MisRed
About

Misred is an East Coast Gal and a jack of all trades.  Project Manager, Trained Chef, Amateur Writer, Professional Mocker, Devoted Wife and Mother of Furry Kids (dogs, not werewolves).  I spend my time doing all of the above, as well as making the necessary preparations for my eventual and eternal damnation in the fiery pits of hell.  I take comfort in knowing I'll have friends there... like Satan.

Check out my blog www.meabritapitandanitwit.wordpress.com

13 Comments

  1. 1
    featherhead
    Posted June 19, 2012 at 6:42 pm

    Awesome recap! I noticed that usually when someone gets kicked off, the team usually says “no way ” ‘I can’t believe it ” yada yada – with Linky no one said that, they just gave her a quick hug and pushed her out the door.

  2. 2
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted June 19, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    Yayy Team Alton!! Martie gets on my nerves, but I needed that arrancini in my mouth and in my belly. But Frenchie’s dish didn’t sound so good…I hate cheese and apple together, and then to put it in a grilled sandwich? Nooo.

    Nikki should have gone home. Her eyebrows make her look perpetually evil. Even when she was crying, she looked evil as fuck. Linkie was annoying, but at least she looked like someone that you could possibly be friends with. And really, that whole team was a fail. Malcolm is boring as fuck and doesn’t realize it, and I’m kind of tired of hearing about New England from GAB. No one cares. And I certainly don’t want to watch an entire show about that shit.

    @MisRed, that burn looked so horrible. I swear, burns are the worst type of injury in life. I’d rather have my hand cut or crushed in a door than have it be badly burned.

  3. 3
    MrsTimRiggins
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 6:41 am

    I knew Linkie would be going home and wasn’t upset by it, especially when I realized her thing is supposedly desserts but she doesn’t seem to know how to make many desserts. What was her POV? And it’s interesting that they are keeping the team numbers pretty much even–no one has had 2 losses in a row.
    Off topic but has anyone watched Mystery Diners on Food Network? It has got to be fake. There is no way they go in a restaurant with hidden cameras for 1 shift and find all these crazy things.

  4. 4
    mjhhawk
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 8:05 am

    I think Frenchie is a sleeper in this contest – Squishy Bob seems to love her. I’d rank them as contendors as Vampoor, Ippy, Franchie and then gangsta AB. Martie, Malcolm, and Grill Next door have no chance. I thought Martita was in the running, but she had a terrible week and the edit seemed to be cut to show her as pissy about helping her team which can’t bode well for her future.

    Is Mystery Diners different than the hidden camera show? I watched that once and the private eye watching all of the cameras was annoying.

  5. 5
    wcsdancer
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 11:33 am

    Vampoor likely used “GBD” because Alton frequently uses the phrase “golden brown and delicious” on Good Eats.

    It really irks me that they criticize the cooks for being too quiet, or not having a “big personality”. Judging from many of their current show hosts, “big personality” = obnoxious. Not all of us want to listen to over-the-top personas…Rachel Ray, Paula Deen, Guy Fieri, yeah, I’m looking at you.

  6. 6
    LisaCee
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    Hilarious recap! “va-jay-jay corral” still has me laughing. And good call on the lipstick shade…you are absolutely right!!
    I so wanted Ms Independent to go home but having a feeling it won’t be long before the door hits her butt. I’m surprised Malcon is still there too.

  7. 7
    LyndaB
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 11:14 am

    OMG, I’m trying really hard not to pee myself reading this recap. You are so hysterical!

  8. 8
    MisRed MisRed
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 12:45 pm

    Thank you all for the support! It is much appreciated. :) xo

  9. 9
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    I’m a bit off schedule (a-GAIN – too many shows but oh dear Jeebus don’t take them away – panic attack – breathe, Amy, just breathe).

    But! Thank you, MisRed for another fab recap. I liked that final three scenario you were playing around with, but I’m gonna half to throw Martita in for Ippy. He’s so…….low……key…..

    @MrsTimRiggins: Oh is that how Mystery Diners are playing it? Cheating, just a little, wink wink. I’ve yet to watch the first show but I thought it looked fascinating. Should I give up?

  10. 10
    lovesthehobbitses
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 9:33 pm

    Okay, I’m sorry if this was already discussed– but does it bother anyone else that Martie’s Party is pretty much the same thing as Aarti’s Party?? Not only a contestant, but a WINNER from a few seasons ago?? Every time Martie proudly discusses her POV (oh how clever! she made it rhyme!) I can’t help but cringe. How has the network not called her on this yet?

  11. 11
    keebler elf
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 9:20 pm

    does anyone know what justin’s pov is? none of them seem too interesting this season

  12. 12
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted June 24, 2012 at 10:42 am

    @keebler elf: Justin’s POV is something like “Rebel with a Culinary Cause”. He’s like the freakish but relatable badass of the food world.

    @loves…: I KNOW (spoken in my best Monica voice)! WTF is she thinking? Why hasnt “The Network” said something, like you mentioned. She’s damn skippy not winning. I’ll eat my iPod if she does.

  13. 13
    Amy
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 3:29 pm

    Martita was a beyotch…

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