Team Bobble Head will have the theme “Big Game Day!” Yawnsville. Someone will be super-original and make wings and someone else will make a burger. Guy announces Team Bobby’s theme will be “Cooking for a Wake.” Just kidding- “Cooking for Kids” is their assigned theme. Honestly, I’d rather cook for a wake. At least there would probably be booze there. Teams have 1 hour to prep and cook and they must “Give a Tip” in their presentation.
Nikki immediately thinks “I could do something on the grill.” Sounds great, one-trick pony. And then she gets the BRILLIANT idea to make the kids a “delicious kale and spinach smoothie!” Nikki, seriously, have you ever MET a child? Why don’t you throw some prunes in there while we’re at it? I’m an adult and that smoothie sounds like it will taste like ass and would probably give me the trots. But Nikki settles on this green puke smoothie and a grilled breakfast pizza. Because every busy Mom has time to fire up the BBQ before getting the kids off to school.

I think I saw a kid once. At a zoo. In a cage.
In the midst of her prep she realizes that she doesn’t have any flour. She assumed it would be in the pantry. It is not. She asks everyone if they have flour. And one by one they say no. And just when we think she’s up poop creek without a paddle… Linkie has flour and OF COURSE Nikki can have some. DAMN IT, LINKIE!!!!! Have you learned nothing from reading these recaps- Nikki is Satan in a tight-fitting top.
Bobby comes to check on her and asks if her “dough is whole wheat” which I swear is code for “Meet me, naked, in the alley after the challenge.” Nikki replies “Yes.” Which I think is code for “Yes.” And Bobby replies “Very smart.” which is code for “Bring the Whipped Crème and braised pork belly…”

I’m going to need you to meet me by the dumpsters
Meanwhile, Judson is making turkey chili and he throws in everything but the kitchen sink. He is going for “flavor over fat.” Michele is making her mother’s Italian meatballs- and her tip is to not use breadcrumbs, but to soak Italian bread in milk and then use that in the balls instead of breadcrumbs. Linkie is making football shaped cookies. And Frenchie is making Apple Sauce. For Halloween. To give out. To kids. Do you hear that??? It’s the sound of Frenchie’s house getting egged.

Frenchie’s House on Halloween
Yvan is the genius who is making stuffed “wings” for game day. Bobble tells him that he MUST show how he debones the wings, as his “tip.” And she’s right, in my opinion, because saying “Debone the chicken wing” is intimidating to someone who isn’t trained. However, once Yvan starts deboning, he realizes that it’s taking a long time. So he says “A little bone inside won’t make a difference.” Yeah, except to the person who breaks their crown on it.

Pardon me while I choke my chicken
Nikki, in an effort to blend her smoothie, chooses mismatching blender top and motor so her smoothie goes all over the blender and counter.

Look Kids, Nikki made a big mess with her nutritious smoothie…and so will you, in your pants, about 30 minutes after drinking
Tee hee, Nikki is a dumb dumb. So she basically strong arms Judson into helping her remake it…
Time is up- time for the show!!
Team Alton is up first. The show starts and there is SILENCE. Vampoor doesn’t know if he should start talking or if Guy should start. Ugh, Alton is wooled. (Wooled = mad) But Guy takes the wheel and starts. Vampoor is frying sardine skeletons. The name of his recipe is “Eating Fish Bones,” which I’m certain must have hidden meaning. Wait- Nope. It doesn’t. Vampoor says skeletons are “the potato chip of the sea.” Guy likes it, but is a little confused. The Judges think it’s a clever idea and that he’s a mad genius (read: vampire), but Vampoor needed more command of the segment.

You can’t eat just one…
Judson talks about his weight loss journey. I think they edited out most of his segment because we learned nothing about his dish. But the Judges think that he needs to hone his POV.
Up next it’s Martie with the Party!! Martie has made Diablo Chicken Wings. And once again Martie keeps talking and yammering and rambling, she has completely cut into Frenchie’s time. The Judges liked her dish and like her presentation, but do not like that she went WAY over her time. Martie say “I said SOME of the things I wanted to say…”

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10 Comments
Alton Brown showed heart twice this episode. When he hugged Martie, I had the same reaction as when Sheldon hugged Penny. It was almost like he was a human boy. Loves Alton and sorry that he lost a team member. I hope he wins but I think Bobblehead’s team has it in the bag.
Great recap! Curses, Team Alton, foiled again!
Really, Martie? Got to half of what you wanted to say? What did we miss? Recap of season one of Downton Abbey? Analysis of the Pacquiao v bradley decision? Because that blur of words coming out of your mouth was enough. What is going to be her POV? “The best thing you never made because it took too long for me to get the ingredients together because I was telling you about the time my momma and her sister Lou got drunk and burned some cookies and fire department got called in and…”
Please let Nicki be next, if only because of that smoothie ( Kids of america – sorry!) and her girl doing a grill or grill me, baby POV. Watch out, Flay – you could be getting your own brand of searing if she corners you.
To be honest, I gotta say I’d like to see Ippy win, ballerina bun or not… he would be something completely unique to the Food Network, I don’t think they’ve ever had a Hawaiian chef before. I was in Hawaii once in 1992 where my family and I attended a luau, and we thought that the food, the culture, and everything about it was absolutely awesome. Usually, I’m not a fan of those shows where it’s just a person cooking and talking, but I think I would actually watch one of those shows about Hawaii.
I think the forced the FF ( formerly fattie) POV on Pickle. He was trying to avoid being ” that formerly fat guy chef.” but they wouldn’t let it go. I liked him and would have much rather seen Meemaw martie and her nonsensical ramblings gone.
Frenchie FTW
i would have liked to see martie go before judson too, in the past seasons people have changed their POV and didn’t get sent home
I really like Judson, and personally – I thought the fact that he was “ashamed” of being overweight in his past would have added a great element to his POV. Allowing him to GROW into that was a great storyline AND I think it would have made for a good show in the end. Plus, he did WELL in the challenge, while Martie screwed Frenchie over in time!
Martie drives me CRAZY. I mute the tv when she’s one. I cannot stand to listen to her, because I can’t even make out what she is saying half the time. It’s just ramble, ramble, ramble, ramble.
This episode did NOT make me happy… Just saying.
I totally agree that Martie should have gone first, but Judson was a short-timer – his food just wasn’t very inventive. I am totally on Team Vampoor (Justin). He is so creative and imaginative – I would love to see a show about unusual ways to team/present food. I like Ippy, as well, but I just think Justin brings something fresh and new – IF he can work on his presentation skills.
Justin is definitely an early fave, for me. Linkie and Martita also seem rather cool.
Ippy, as much as I like his carefree-ness, I believe would promptly put viewers into a boredom-induced coma LOL.
Good to see I’m not the only one who hits the MUTE button when Martie opens her mouth. It kills me that Bob T. and Alton encourage her. Hoping that they get rid of Granny panties soon and that Justin and Emily continue to do well…
I’m on Team Vampoor. He would really be a hit if someone would wipe the blood, er lipstick, off his lips before airtime.
I cannot stand listening to Marti, looking at Marti, or imagining eating anything by Marti. I want to close my eyes and hum lalalala until her part of each show is over.