Food Network Star Recap: Sponsored by Hershey’s

Recaps

By MisRed | Tuesday, May 29, 2012 | 5:40 pm | 26 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Food Network Star, Recaps

Gangster Anne Burrell (Michele) is making a sweet cheese napoleon with pineapple with a quick chocolate sauce.

Gangster is freaked out because every time she looks up, Bobble Head is staring at her.


She is FREAKING ME OUT!!!

Honey, Bobble Head freaks all of us out.


I will kill you in your sleep

10 Minutes left- Bobby tells them to start plating.

5 minutes left. 3 minutes left, some people are plating, some aren’t Nikki’s is not sure her bread pudding is cooked, but she doesn’t want to tell the judges that. I’m sure there is no way they will ever know.

Less than one minute and Malcolm is toasting coconut which seems perfectly reasonable with one minute left. Nikki is pissed because her plate is a mess, and if they had just let her dip Bobby in some ganache she would have had this thing in the bag.

Mentor time: Bobby wants to talk about “the Tip” and to make sure they all get “the tip” into their presentations. Nikki is more than happy to talk about Bobby’s “tip.”

Gangster is up first and she wants to bring some of her Sicilian* roots to the judges by shooting off their knee-caps, whoops, I mean by presenting her Napoleon. She gives a nonsensical tip about making chocolate sauce and wraps it up. Bobble Head looks unimpressed. Scott likes her whipped cream but Bob and Susie want more. Bobble Head is giving Gangster the stare down.

(*This comment is a joke. It was not intended to disparage persons of Italian descent or to, in any way, imply they are violent or anything other than lovely, peaceful people who make delicious food, glorious wines, and amazing leather goods.)

Malcolm presents a sugar and black salt fried pasta with flambé pineapple and chipotle chocolate sauce. He sounds like he has a fur-ball in this throat. And gives a tip about flambéing. The judges didn’t really like his presentation but they liked the dish. They loved Tour Bus Malcolm from Episode 2.

Eric presents his “truly hand crafted” (omg I’ve never hated a phrase so much in my life) Hawaiian Napoleon.


Edible crack

He explains his dish and his tip was to make caramel sauce with coconut milk and coconut cream. The judges think his dish was amazing.


This was awful.  Awful good.

Nikki has made a bread pudding with a tropical twist. And the twist being- it is not cooked. The judges hate her presentation and think she is too scripted and rehearsed.


Whatever. I’m aiming to be Bobby Flay’s next ex wife.

As the judges deliberate, each mentor talks to their peops and offers critiques. They are honest and at times harsh, but this is what these guys need to hear.

Time to reveal the bottom three, one from each team.  Bob and Susie enter. Wait a cotton-pickin’’ second- is Susie a giant?


Bob and Wilt Chamberlain

Susie is, like, 3 feet taller than Bob.  I am not sure of Bob’s height, he could be on the short side. Let’s say his 5’6”, that would make Susie 8’6”. Sorry, I got distracted by Gigantor.

From Team Alton, the judges say Justin rocked it and Martie tanked. From Team Bobble Head, Rock N Roll is up for elimination. Team Bobby, Nikki is on the chopping block. The judges just don’t think they are seeing the real Nikki.

Producer’s Challenge- The three contestants up for elimination will need to answer the most-asked viewer question from Food Network.com: “With summer upon us, if you do not have an outdoor grill, what can you make?” Reservations. Preferably someplace with frozen drinks.

Bobby tells NIkki to get a grill pan on the stove and starts by yelling “Who is ready for a little Girl on Grill action???” She is making a steak with liquid smoke. As Bobby coaches her, she is totally shoving her boobs in his face.


Wanna motorboat?

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MisRed
About

Misred is an East Coast Gal and a jack of all trades.  Project Manager, Trained Chef, Amateur Writer, Professional Mocker, Devoted Wife and Mother of Furry Kids (dogs, not werewolves).  I spend my time doing all of the above, as well as making the necessary preparations for my eventual and eternal damnation in the fiery pits of hell.  I take comfort in knowing I'll have friends there... like Satan.

Check out my blog www.meabritapitandanitwit.wordpress.com

26 Comments

  1. 1
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 7:48 pm

    “This comment is a joke. It was not intended to disparage persons of Italian descent or to, in any way, imply they are violent or anything other than lovely, peaceful people who make delicious food, glorious wines, and amazing leather goods.”

    I knew an Italian guy in high school, whose parents had moved him here from Italy when he was younger, who was arrested in the act of stealing hubcaps. Now I’m in trouble, not you.

  2. 2
    chooch850 chooch850
    Posted May 29, 2012 at 9:03 pm

    “Wanna motorboat?” LOL! Great recap. I knew Rock-N-Roll was going. There was no way they were going to let Alton or Bobby go down to 3 on their team and leave Bobble Head with 5. No Way! Even tho Martie and her tuna-tasting tuna was the worst dish.

    I have a soft spot for Alton so I’m rooting for his team.

  3. 3
    lindaw205
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 5:57 am

    I don’t care for the new format. I was so bored I FF’d to the end to see who got the boot. And still didn’t care. Your recaps are much more entertaining than the real thing so I think I’ll just read those instead of watching.

  4. 4
    lindaw205
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 6:02 am

    I do love Alton Brown, though, and thought it was hilarious when he told her to shut it and cook.

  5. 5
    mjhhawk
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 6:47 am

    Something must be done about the hand crafted guy. Unfortunately he seems to be the best cook, so we are going to have to deal with him for a while. It’s early, but to me this seems like it is Justin’s competition to lose. He is quirky and can cook.

  6. 6
    featherhead
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 6:54 am

    I think bobble head has a big crush on Michelle, hence all the staring. I love Alton Brown too, he’s got such a dry way of speaking that people think he’s a douche. I used to hate Bobby Flay but after watching him on Worst Cooks I’ve changed my opinion of him. Thank God Josh was cut, he was cute to look at and that was all.

  7. 7
    Amy
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 8:13 am

    I think handcrafted guy would be great on a PBS show-he can actually cook! I knew train wreck sushi guy was done. Justin will probably win, but the cherry chapstick does not work with his neon yellow teeth. Especially when they show Judson who has the whitest teeth on the planet!

  8. 8
    LAC LAC
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Buh bye, Rock n Roll… he was all over the map and that map was the map of Mordor.

    Alton rocked! I loved him telling Marnie Menopause to stop with the age apologizing and the rambling.

    I thought Nikki was going to spoon bobby flay for a minute there. “Cooking with my coochie” is not a show that is going to work on Food Network, Nikki, simmah down…

    I am liking Justin and Ippy so far.

  9. 9
    rubinia
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 10:29 am

    I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle Justin’s free-form rap poetry presentation style for much longer.

  10. 10
    zerocool0019
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 2:13 pm

    Excellent recap. There is something about Nikki’s personality/eyebrows/hairline that I cannot stand. I don’t know what it is, I just know I don’t care about girls or grills. And I am one! And I love my bbq! I hope she’s off stat but I can see they’re going to keep her around for awhile.

  11. 11
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    I totally agree they weren’t gonna let one team get down to three so soon. I AM glad it was rock n roll guy that got the boot, though. That was the right move.

    Go team Alton!

    Oh, and MisRed, just a gentle correction (which I would do with anyone who erred about a beloved show of mine)…they do indeed yell to hurry up and plate on Chopped, quite often. Especially Alex, although they’ve all done it. However, you are not required to have watched every damn Chopped episode so keep doing your thing!

  12. 12
    AmyOops
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 4:34 pm

    “Wanna motorboat?”

    Tee hee hee bwhahahahaha! Nice one!

  13. 13
    MisRed MisRed
    Posted May 30, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    @AmyOops- They do tell them to plate on Chopped? I never noticed that before- however I am not a religious water- but thanks for the correction. I know I like to talk smack, but I do like for the smack to be accurate. :)

  14. 14
    mjhhawk
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 7:18 am

    On Chopped they talk out loud about people having to plate soon and being nervous – but it’s not like they are coaching them to start plating like they did on this show. It seemed more natural on this show though because everyone was already being coached by their leader and the judges were having a dialog with the contestants throughout the challenge, which also doesn’t happen on Chopped (Ted handles that).

  15. 15
    zerocool
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 9:44 am

    Also, the contestants on Chopped need less coaching because they understand the concept better than these nincompoops.

  16. 16
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 11:02 am

    I don’t remember ever having seen a judge or Ted tell chefs that they need to start plating. The judges talk all the time just among themselves about how worried they are that contestants won’t have enough time left to get food on their plates.

  17. 17
    Another World
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 11:11 am

    MisRed, thanks for another hilarious recap. That gigantor picture makes me laugh so hard!

    I’m enjoying the new format this season. Seems like the contestants are being called out more on their stuff. I loved Alton breaking bad on the old grey mare about her timing issues and her insecurity over her age.

    And yay that rock and roll is gone. He did seem to be improving (calming down) in this episode, but his “POV” didn’t interest me.

    Now I’m hoping grill girl gets the boot next, but I won’t hold my breath.

  18. 18
    AmyOops
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 3:52 pm

    MisRed: Thank you. Keep up the foodie snark…we likey.

    The rest of you guys: I have seen every episode of Chopped. All of them. Even the ones with the “who the hell is THAT?” judges. I can PROMISE you, on my dog’s life (that’s a biggie for me), that the judges on more than one or two or three occasions will yell out to the contestants (cheftestants?) to “Get the food on the plate!!” or “Hurry up and plate!”. There is even (much more rare) dialogue between the judges (not Ted) and the contestants, usually (but not always) initiated by the contestant overhearing the judges talking.

    Whew! Sorry about that, but this is one of the shows I know inside and out and am passionate about. Yet I don’t cook. For real. What the hell is wrong with me? :-)

  19. 19
    featherhead
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    I just realized that Justin may just be a GENIUS. I think the whole thing he did with Hershey ‘s kisses – not unwrapping them, burning them and whatever else he burnt – was all just a deversion (like a magician does -because 1. He did Not even use the kisses, he used chocolate chips (Nestle if I am not mistaken) and he didn’t even COOK anything – “no bake cookies “. And that all went unnoticed by the Judges. Genius I say!!

  20. 20
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    AmyOops. You win, as I have not seen close to EVERY episode, but maybe around twenty, so I defer to your greater experience. I got tired of watching how some of the judges, especially Scott Conant, would act like they were gonna take somebody outside for an ass whipping because a contestant dared to serve a dish that was unworthy.

  21. 21
    Robin Robinez
    Posted May 31, 2012 at 6:14 pm

    “I do love Alton Brown, though, and thought it was hilarious when he told her to shut it and cook.”

    It kinda turned me on. Who knew he had it in him to be so macho?

    Robin

  22. 22
    Mer
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Wasn’t Michelle and her ex gf on a episode of 24hr Restaurant Battle and wouldn’t Scott Conant recognize that?

  23. 23
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted June 1, 2012 at 3:55 pm

    @crankyguy: Why, thank you, kind sir. LOL. I actually love it when Conant acts likes that. He’s such a pasta snob I find it hysterical that when someone DARES make pasta for him it had damn well better be (his version) of PERFECTION (giggle).

    @featherhead: I hadn’t even thought of that! You’re so right…did he really transform the ingredients or even use the mystery basket shit? Love the freak but no, he didn’t. He IS an evil genius!

  24. 24
    Amy
    Posted June 3, 2012 at 8:09 am

    Michele was on Chopped also.

  25. 25
    JELLIEPAIR
    Posted June 6, 2012 at 1:45 pm

    “Cooking with my coochie”

    LMAO

  26. 26
    Deb J
    Posted June 23, 2012 at 10:00 am

    Thank you Amy and Mer! I knew I had seen Michelle somewhere before!

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