Gallery Girls Recap – All Tomorrow’s Parties

So Gallery Girls in theory sounds pretty boring because it is about a group of girls trying to fulfill their dreams in the cutthroat world of art in New York City. The best comparison would probably be a hybrid of The Bad Girls Club meets The City in that the girls aren’t really acting like drunk bitches, they kind of really are drunk bitches. I guess what the real appeal of this show to me are the Williamsburg girls because I am fascinated by people who live in Williamsburg. I mean who chooses to live on toxic grounds just to save a couple thousand on rent?

I’ve never seen a woman overcompensate as much as a dude with a small penis before.

We open at Milk where we meet 23 year old Angela who is a model/waitress just like every other girl who flees the OC for New York. Her parents are of course both doctors and wanted her to follow in a similar fashion but she rebelled because she wanted to be a photographer. I’m actually shocked she didn’t say she wanted to be an actress but I guess that role is already filled by thousands of others. Angela lets us know she is obsessed with men and attention so she might actually also be an escort. In her opening scenes, she is modeling practically nude for an Aussie named Daniel-David (I can’t remember and don’t care, he’s kinda basic) with pick up lines like “flower in my pussy” and flashing her tatas at him. I’m sure he appreciates the basic open invite for free sex later since she’s giving away a grocery store aisle in free dairy.

Pretty convinced that she’s an escort too.

Next up is Kerri, 24, who grew up in Long Island but has always had aspirations to live in an apartment on the West Side. For the gasmii who have never had the pleasure of seeing New York in person let me explain something to you. There are parts of the streets that are freaking disgusting and this bitch is moving her UNCOVERED mattress into her apartment and letting it touch the ground and floor. Um hello did you forget that New York has a major bed bug problem not to mention the ground is filthy and your mattress is UNCOVERED! I am so skeeved out by watching this scene you guys. Anyway, Kerri and her mom finally settle in and she tells us that her parents worked multiple jobs and can’t help her out if she fails which doesn’t make sense because houses in Long Island are pretty expensive. Kerri says that she works as a lifestyle manager which is like a concierge for wealthy people and she works so much that she needs something creative in her life. Basically she is spending too much time humping clients in hotels that she wants to add some sophistication by visiting galleries and pretending she is Carrie Bradshaw. Lifestyle manager is just code word for escort, you don’t have to lie Kerri!

She’s just tragic…Poor Amy

Next up is Amy, 24, who is on the phone with her father while taking a bubble bath which is not creepy whatsoever. Had Bravo not placed a picture of her with her father at the age of like 6, I would have thought father was code for Sugar Daddy. Her dad pays for everything including her Upper East Side apartment and that allows her to party and intern for free which she believes is helping her build a career in the art world. Really it’s just an excuse to say you are doing something with your life when really you are wasting dad’s money on drinking all night. She says that the UES is clean and safe and littered with cute boys in sweaters and that’s why she prefers living there. I’ll give her that it is cleaner than most of Manhattan but whatever you need to say to justify where you live.

Party Pooper

Claudia and Chantal are opening a gallery together in the Lower East Side called End of Century. Claudia says that when she met Chantal she knew they would be BFF forever because they used the exact same shade of red lipstick. Claudia used to intern at a huge gallery but couldn’t cut it so she decided to open this store with Chantal whom she has known for less than a year. She predicts the future demise of her relationship with Chantal by stating that it works for them because friendship comes before business.

Quintessential Williamsburg Resident

Chantal is exactly what you should picture when someone mentions Williamsburg because she is the epitome of the majority of the artsy people who live there. She migrated from a small town, adopted a lot of black clothing and red lipstick and talks like she is worldly although she has never traveled outside of the US. She decided to open this store in the LES because that’s where the hipsters are fleeing since rent has gone up in the toxic waste land of Williamsburg and Red Hook is too scary for them. End of Century is a hybrid space where Claudia manages the gallery and Chantal is responsible for merchandise. Chantal is wearing a dress that is really short and I’m afraid that if she bends over too much she will show us her biscuit. The girls discuss the opening and how excited they are and how much work they have put in and whether or not there should be red and white wine served. I have a feeling Chantal is going to either be really loved or really hated by the viewing public..what do you guys think?

I want to hate you but I can’t.

Liz, 24, is everything that I should hate and everything that should be wrong with entitled spoiled bitches but for some reason I like her. First, She lives in Gramercy which is very exclusive and one of the only parts of Manhattan with a private park. People literally wait until someone dies for a chance to live in this neighborhood and prices are ridiculously sky high. Secondly, She got her internship with Eli Klein because her father is a major art collector with a collection ranging in the millions. She meets with Eli who overcompensates his little penis and stature by bossing his interns around. Third, Her job is to help set up for the gallery opening the next night but she refuses to ruin her outfit so she gets other people to lift paintings for her and then tells Eli she doesn’t want to do anything that involves lifting and spackling. She only wants to do jobs that involve her sitting in a chair or making phone calls and that if Eli bosses her around and pisses her off, she will tell her father on him.I guess her dad has some pull in the art world (although if this were true why is she interning with Eli since it’s a newer small niche gallery) so Eli complies and lets her do what she wants. At least she doesn’t have to sleep with him to get through the internship like…

Willing to sell her soul to the devil for art

Maggie, 23, is a trust fund baby who has been interning with Eli for three years until recently when she walked out because she couldn’t deal with him any longer. He had her doing a lot of bitch work like stuffing envelopes while he takes cell phone pictures of her and fetching coffee. She has however decided to go to his gallery opening to grovel for her internship back because apparently she can’t get one elsewhere.

Liz’s dad and Eli Klein

The gallery opening has arrived and I have to say that the art is pretty interesting and very harajuku/kawaii in style. Liz introduces her father to Eli who is practically salivating over him. She explains that her dad walks into galleries with jeans and a t-shirt because he doesn’t care what people think. She says when they go into galleries the receptionist is usually rude until the owner comes running out to greet them. I guess that is why I like Liz because she tells it like it is and doesn’t care what others think of her. Plus for someone with money she shops at Forever 21 so I can respect that she doesn’t always have to be decked out in designer. Maggie arrives with her boyfriend to the opening and greets Eli and it’s very awkward as she flips her hair a lot and smiles. It’s that kind of awkward exchange you have when your new boyfriend meets the guy that you used to sleep with but he doesn’t know it. Liz spots Amy who she says is a professional ass-kisser and whom she has known since she was 5 years old. She runs up to Liz and tells her how good looking she is and Liz says that she isn’t that good looking and then has a moment of reflection and states that maybe she is.

Widow’s Club

Over at End of Century the girls are getting ready to head over to Eli’s opening to check out the competition. Chantal says that in the art world there is practically a party every night and it’s good to know what is going on at other galleries. They look like their channeling Robert Palmer’s Addicted to Love video girls but that’s just what a Williamsburg girl calls her party outfit. Tight bun, black attire and bright red lipstick with bits of it on your teeth according to Liz and Maggie. Angela arrives and before the girls leave they notice that Claudia has a hole in her dress with her invisible thong hanging out. Chantal says that it’s either awful or brilliant branding of the invisible thong. They finally arrive at the gallery where they meet Liz who Angela makes fun of to her face by calling her an OC girl which is only really funny to Angela who hates OC girls because they made fun of her as a kid for being a weirdo. Angela says that OC doesn’t have a good reputation for diversity which is just her excuse for moving because the kids there probably didn’t take her attention whoring the way she wanted them to. Liz takes it in stride as she is just trying to be nice and walks away as they continue laughing at her. Maggie doesn’t like Chantal because at a party Chantal slapped her after she took a shot in a game called Slap Shot and because she hates the name Chantal.Kerri also shows up but she’s so boring that no one cares and Bravo places her with Amy’s boss who is an art advisor that gives her an internship.

Wasted…

Eli has Maggie tell everyone to leave as he wants to close up and then he invites the Williamsburg girls to the dinner later that night. They decline because they would rather die and have their images to think about. Maggie and Liz talk outside about the End of Century girls and how bitchy they were to Liz. Everyone is at dinner when Liz discovers that Maggie used to/still works at Eli’s gallery but doesn’t understand why she left or took a break. Amy comes over to Liz and Maggie and loudly whispers that she used to date Eli (gross) and that she still likes him (way to have high standards). Liz can’t help but laugh at how embarrassingly drunk Amy is and tells her to eat to absorb all the wine she has had. Interestingly, Maggie interviews that she doesn’t think Eli would ever fuck someone like Amy and that she’s just a little drunk and blabbering. I’m going with the Maggie fucked Eli and that’s why she left her internship early but realized that she needs it to get a better job.

He must need the exposure

Angela meets with Dan and they view the photos that she took earlier in the episode and she reflects that the pics are gorgeous and who wouldn’t want to sleep with her. I can think of a few hundred people but anyway…they eat some dim sum and Dan tries to turn it in to a date. Angela says the term is obsolete and she is too cool for that and because she doesn’t want to set herself up for failure. Um, you’ve already shown him EVERYTHING he would get by sleeping with you so you are way past the failure line. She reveals way too much TMI about how she lost her virginity to an Aussie and that her dad is a penis doctor or used to be as he is now retired. Dan tries to turn this into a date because she came in with no cash and leaves to find an ATM which is hilarious because why would you show up to a restaurant with no money.

Party Pooper.

Claudia, Chantal and Lara are going to eat and are discussing the opening and how worried Claudia is about making money since she was leant $15,000 from her family to put into the store that she has to repay in a year. I can’t take Chantal seriously because she is wearing a ridiculously large hat covering most of her face and I just so badly want someone to run by and knock her block off. Claudia is very stressed out and she doesn’t think that the others are taking it seriously which the other girls dismiss and laugh off. At brunch, Claudia again tries to bring up her stress issues but the others are too busy on their blackberries. She asks them to get off of their phones and Chantal says no because she is writing an email to get merchandise for the store. Claudia asks what the deal is and Chantal says this is not a priority which Claudia says it isn’t a priority because it isn’t your money. Claudia says all the money in the account came from her family but Chantal says she put in 2,500 from her Aunt. Claudia says you don’t understand because we have to coordinate with lots of people to get merchandise and then Lara jumps in, with spit on her lip, about how they need to finish this to get stuff to sell. Claudia says that their approaches to business are different and it is a problem. She probably would have realized this had she gotten to know Chantal before deciding to jump into bed with her. Chantal says that Claudia’s stress is likely coming from not having to ever take care of herself and that what she is doing is more important than dealing with Claudia’s feelings.

If it was that cold then why did you wear a micro dress instead of pants?

Amy is an intern at Coplan Hurowitz Art Advisory where Kerri is about to start interning with her. Amy explains that Sharon, her boss, helps wealthy people figure out what they are going to buy and that she gets to go along to some of the auctions and galleries but she also has grunt work to do. Kerri walks in to meet with Sharon who explains that she will work with Amy in the same cubicle. Kerri doesn’t really know what she wants to do but Amy says she seems nice but uneducated with art. Kerri gets thrown into a project so Sharon can gauge what she does and doesn’t know about the art world. In a snippet, Amy is getting eyelash extensions which I learned about from watching Beverly Hills Nannies. She interviews that she is really into taking care of herself and looking as good as she can which is laughable because she apparently has never seen a mirror. She gets mega lashes and says she can then bat her eyes at guys from across the way. I don’t get the deal with wanting long eyelashes because I’m pretty sure no man or woman has ever turned down sex because their partner had short eyelashes.

Go grovel girl!

Maggie is on her way to visit Eli to discuss the terms of her maybe internship that she might still have with him. She doesn’t know if she still has a place at the gallery but I’m sure a little BJ will solve that issue. Eli doesn’t even give her the courtesy of speaking to her in private and conducts business in front of Liz who is sitting a few feet away. Eli asks if she wants another internship and Maggie tells him that they need to sit down and discuss that. Eli doesn’t know what else she wants and Maggie says she can’t keep being an intern and he says he doesn’t want her to intern forever and asks her if it’s been at least 30 days. Maggie fights back the tears and tells him that it has been since she was in college (3 years) and he can only say thanks for your dedication and hard work. Maggie says she knows that he doesn’t appreciate her but she will finish out her internship so he can at least give her a good recommendation. I’m sorry but if you have been doing it for a few years how come that isn’t good enough to get you someplace else? Her story doesn’t add up and I really feel like there is more to their relationship by their interactions.

Hipsters scare and annoy me too ladies.

Chantal arrives at End of Century to find Lara crying in the back room from all the stress of the opening. Chantal doesn’t understand why the others are flipping out and just worries if her friends will show up for the opening. Angela is getting ready with her friends and ask how slutty should she be…there’s a limit for this girl? She ends up looking like an overstuffed raven and having a discussion with her friends about how her pussy is fat but not like a trailer park Britney Spears. I’m getting sick of this girl and how narcissistic she is even though she’s barely in the cute category. The hipsters all arrive at the party and even Liz and Maggie show up to be nice and check out what they have going on. Angela introduces Dan to her friends by saying he shot her naked which he replies by giving her a weird look. Liz and Maggie look around and actually like a lot of what they see but the girls are not well received which is kind of a shame because they weren’t trying to be bitches but clearly the other girls are intimidated by them. Claudia says what is the most honest thing ever in that their boyfriends would be snacks for Liz and Maggie’s who are total muscle heads versus Chantal’s Spencer who is emasculated and shares the same size skinny jeans as her. They try and say hi but Chantal walks away so they all leave. Chantal says that it upset her that they showed up because they are weird…you mean normal and nice enough to show up at your store opening? Get over yourself.

Hey Frida!

The gallery opening is still underway and everyone is having a good time drinking and hanging out. Angela is taking pictures of the event which means she is ignoring David who tries to get her to go get something to eat. He is over her and decides to leave and asks to hang out maybe sometime next week and walks off with some guy into the night. Chantal is drunk and interviewing that if the shop doesn’t work out she will fly to Key West and raft back and chill…she’s clearly barely functioning. I will say this is the best interview talking head that I have ever seen as she starts bouncing around in front of the camera and saying she will wake up tomorrow at 8 and do a yoga class before yelling out to her friend Frida. Eventually everyone leaves and they all decide to meet each other the next day at 10 to open the store and of course Claudia tells us how worried she is because she needs to make money to pay her family back. Chantal gives a “See Ya Fuckers” and runs off into the night back to her toxic hole apartment in Williamsburg.

So what did you think Gasmii? Who are your early favorites and hates? Will End of Century survive or will it crash and burn? Do you think something else went on with Maggie and Creepy-Lie? Oh if you need any more of a reason to watch this show may I present someone who will be on a future episode:

The Creepily Attractive Sucklord