Game of Thrones Recap: Nightmares

Recaps

By McWeanis | Thursday, June 7, 2012 | 9:00 am | 11 Comments
Posted in: Game of Thrones, Recaps

 

Random Rocky Shore

On a random rocky shore, Jaime is still trying to get to Brienne, talking about her early life as an asexual giantess. So contrary! He’s hitting/taunting on her in a weird way, when they come upon the corpses of three tavern girls swinging from a tree.

hocus pocus?

They were killed by Stark forces for “laying with lions” (Lannisters). Said Stark forces then appear to admire their handiwork and laugh at Brienne’s womanhood. She’s about to take off, when they recognize Jaime Lannister, despite his attempted peasant act. Brienne does what she does best and takes all three off while Jaime impotently stands aside. Hehehe. Brienne doesn’t give a shit that those were Stark men: she serves Lady Catelyn.

 

Robb’s Camp

Last we saw Robb, he was boning his new buddy Taleesa. Now, they’re “in love”! Apparently, he plans to marry her (like an idiot) and has told his mom (like an idiot). Catelyn on love: “I know that seems important to you…” Ohh marriage in aristocracy. Catelyn explains (it’s a Fiddler on the Roof moment!) how she and Ned barely knew each other, but their love grew over time. This isn’t just an alliance thing, Robb! He promised to marry a Walder Frey daughter, and Frey is a dangerous man. Later, it’s secret midnight wedding time! 

i hear this worked out really well for Romeo and Juliet!

Stannis, someplace

Stannis is suuuuper grumpy about his loss at King’s Landing, and he blames Melisandre. After all, she promised his victory – she saw it in the flames. Showing his most emotion ever (I think of him as stony and Romney-esque), he grabs Melisandre by the neck and chokes her almost to death.

and not in a hot way.

A minute after releasing her, she’s already gotten him to dismiss the horrible loss and the brother-murdering. How? More prophecies about his future as king! And it sounds so fun too: Stannis will betray his family, his men, “everything he holds dear…” to be king. But “it will be worth it.” Kkkk! He also has a magical vision in the fire, but we don’t get to see what he sees.

Winterfell

Hmm, let’s check out someone else horrible! How about (one of) our favorite babykillers, Theon? (It’s so hard to choose!) He’s sitting, screwed, in Winterfell as huge Stark forces surround him. Good time to reminisce about being a captive and having no real family and such.

Learn a new tune, Theon.

The Maester counsels running away in the night and joining the Night’s Watch. (Ummmm… Theon + vow of celibacy?)  Although Theon’s having a Conscience Moment about all the bad stuff he’s done, he can’t turn back now. Theon sucks, but this is kind of a moving scene. Theon marches down to give an inspiring war speech. Whoa, I didn’t know he had this is him. You know, they’ll be legendary and stuff. Just as he peaks… he gets clocked in the head by his first mate. You know, the same guy, who told him to do this plan. When the Maester attempts to intervene (aww! Theon love!) he gets stabbed in the belly. :(

Bran, Rickon, Osha and Hodor finally emerge from the crypt to find Winterfell completely burned and broken.

PUPPIEZZZ SIGHTINGGG

Who did this? Theon’s twenty men? Not the Stark guys surely? They find the dying Maester to where he had crawled in the godswood. OH MY GOD Rickon had a line!!! The Maester sends them north, to the wall; there’s too many enemies down south. After Bran and Rickon walk away, he has Osha kill him to put him out of his misery. :(

 

Qarth

Oh, Daenerys? Is she still a character? Guess so! She’s heading to the House of the Undying to fetch her stolen dragons, accompanied by Jorah and I assume her very last Dothraki guard. All they ever do is die! The creepy, Labrynth-style tricks start almost immediately, as Daenerys somehow slips into the tower without Jorah or her guard being able to follow.

creepy labrynth: check; weird era-appropriate outfit: check..WAIT! where’s david bowie?

Pages: 1 2 3 4
McWeanis
About

first thing's first: the origin of "mcweanis."

It is not because I have a giant weanis (look it up) although it is usually unusually bulbous and crusty.

it is in fact because as a child i was dubbed Weanie (it rhymes with my first name, because i'm awesomely named)  by my older sister Drunk, which my friends co-opted and which eventually evolved into weanis and finally mcweanis or MC weanis depending on how gangster i am at the time.

i am a huge nerd of all kinds, especially tv, books, and school. i'll be going to harvard law school in the fall cause i'm so SCHMANCY! i plan to put my excellent time management skills to work in balancing my courseload and my must-watch-tv-load.

11 Comments

  1. 1
    mjhhawk
    Posted June 7, 2012 at 9:39 am

    I think was a fantastic season. I am not a reader of the book, and appreciate the avoidance of spoilers. I am a little fearful that this story is heading down a little too magical of a path for me. What I enjoy are the characters on this show, Tyrion, Cersei, Arya, Jon Snow, Jamie Lannister, Bronn, etc…..

  2. 2
    plockeness monster plockeness monster
    Posted June 7, 2012 at 11:23 am

    Great recap, McWeanis!!! I am glad to hear you’ll be back from next season.

    I enjoyed the beginning scene where Cersi decided to let Joffrey marry Margery. I think Cersi actually likes Sansa and knows her son is a nightmarish dickweed, and this was her way of setting Sansa free. She doesn’t want Sansa to end up like her when she married Robert. Littlefinger’s speech to Sansa was probably made to keep her in line.

    I thought Stannis was captured at the Battle of Blackwater??

    Oh, the scene w/ Khal Drogo!!! I miss him so. Very heartbreaking for Dany, but she knows her future is with her dragons, fighting to claim her seat at the iron throne.

    I agree, McWean, the scene w/ Jon and the Halfhand was not explained very well. You hit the nail on the head though – Halfhand wants Jon to infiltrate the Wildlings, so he can find out what their plan of attack is.

    Aren’t the zombie’s called “white walkers?”

  3. 3
    DirtyWhoreMouth DirtyWhoreMouth
    Posted June 7, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    Great recap. Thanks for your thoughts on the Jon situation. I was thinking the same thing but wasn’t too sure. Since you’ve read the books, I’ll let you lead me to reach conclusions.

    I can’t wait a whole year for the next season. Does anyone have a delorean I can borrow?

  4. 4
    ThereBeNoShelterHere
    Posted June 7, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    I believe the mounted zombies are White Walkers or Others (not really used in the show because of Lost, by some accounts), and the walking zombies are their victims, referred to as wights.

  5. 5
    Nina
    Posted June 7, 2012 at 7:33 pm

    Great recap of a great series. I have one minor quibble, though: NO SCREENGRAB OF JON SNOW!! He’s just too pretty to be ignored.

  6. 6
    Lo
    Posted June 7, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    HA! Love the Backstreet Boys reference below Tyrion’s picture. Backstreet’s back… ALRIGHT!

  7. 7
    Xouille Xouille
    Posted June 8, 2012 at 4:42 am

    Thanks fot that great recap of a great episode.

    I was still a bit disappointed by the house of the undying scene. In the book, Daenerys get lost and saw several more scenes from the past (her father the mad king during the Stark’s rebellion, her brother Raegar during the birth of his son, a scene in her house in Braavos) and from the future (notably a scene who foreshadows a major event happening in the third book).
    What bummed me the most was the absence of the prophecy the undying gave her before trying to leech her of her life to sustain their own (three fires must you light… one for life and one for death and one to love… three mounts must you ride… one to bed and one to dread and one to love… three treasons will you know… once for blood and once for gold and once for love).
    I guess it has to do with the changes to her story (in the book she comes there to get an audience with the mages, the dragons were never stolen).

    I can’t wait for next season because a lot happens in the third book.

  8. 8
    someguy
    Posted June 9, 2012 at 1:00 pm

    Great recap as always . Thanks for all your great work all year.Your recaps really add to watching the show. Is it really going to take two years before HBO is done with Book 3 with Book 4 are my favorite. S0 spring 2013 the first part of book 3 and spring 2014 the second.That is going to be tough since so many great parts at the end of the book. I hope HBO does not do the Soprans stuff 2 years between seasons.Long waits and not really giving something extra .Like a long 2 hour season opener or closer.
    Time to cancel HBO till spring right after True Blood. HBO customer service please

  9. 9
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 12, 2012 at 1:46 am

    Thanks for the great recaps all season, McWeanis!

    @Xouille: I can see why HBO did not include and visions of the Mad King and Rhaegar…because it would be too much to cast great actors for such a small scene. I kinda like not ascribing anyone’s face to the Mad King or Rhaegar just yet…I’d rather let them live in our imaginations. But I do believe that Dany’s storyline is way too condensed as compared to the books. I believe the writers prefer we keep our focus on Westeros where much of the action happens. But it doesn’t do her much justice as she has plenty of adventures in the Free Cities!

    I love Tyrion. His family doesn’t see his true worth even when he demonstrated it on the Blackwater. Tywin may have saved the day at the last moment, but many of Stannis’ army had already been wiped out. Either way, I’m glad for Tyrion’s decision to stick around in King’s Landing. If only for my selfish reasons of being able to see what he gets up to next season. Let’s hope there’s plenty of Joffrey-slapping all around!

  10. 10
    Clair Clair
    Posted March 26, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    I’m late to the party, but McWeanis, I’ve LOVED your recaps. Looking forward to season 3!

  11. 11
    hot cawfee
    Posted April 3, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    jumping on board too!!!!!!! I watched season 2 On Demand (within 2 days) and read all the recaps. I read some where that I needed to read the books first b/c I would be totally lost other wise. I am glad I didnt listen–the recaps are great. I will get around to reading the books (Thesis and graduation first and then fun reads).

    This is going to be a great Season!!!! I have so many ideas—I agree that Red Witch and Dany need to team up. take the Iron Throne and then Red Witch can be banished to the place where the Wildings are–near The Wall.

    jeezum crow—–my capcode is…………………….burning oil.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.