Like Catelyn’s sudden decision to release Jaime, I also find Robb’s decision to bone Taleesa a little too precipitous. Yes, I realize he’s a super horny, probably virginy dude being tempted by mid-90s Jennifer Love Hewitt with smaller boobs. But Robb’s always chosen the honorable path in the past, and is obsessed with being like his dad. He promised to wed a Frey, and now he’s following his peen down the dishonorable path. Another book-based gripe: in the novels, he fell into a lady’s arms (a different, less baller lady) because he was distraught over Bran and Rickon’s deaths. My dear friend Logan put it better than I can:
“It’s not just like LOL I DON’T WANT TO MARRY THE FREY GIRL. Of course he doesn’t want to marry her. But he’s all about like honor and duty. There’s literally no way he’d be like “yea eff I’m gonna get with this hottie” unless some major shit went down. Like his brothers dying.”
In other words, why did the writers decide not to have Catelyn and Robb find out yet? Is this going to serve some different purpose in the future? For now it just seems annoying to leave Catelyn and Robb’s reckless actions without a catalyst. /endplagiarizedrant
beware the boner point 3: Robb follows his peen to Taleesa, which his future wifey’s family will surely not be happy about if they find out.
As always, Arya hovers around listening to Tywin’s battle strategems (is that a word?). Tywin is leaving to sneak up on Robb’s army in the night, and Arya has no way to warn him. Even worse, she’s being left under the command of the Mountain (scary abusive murderous older brother of the Hound.) Arya wants Jaqen H’gar, her man of three deaths to kill Tywin before he gets to Robb’s camp, but since that is unrealistic, she names him instead.
a man has gotten some very obvious highlights.
That’s right, Jaqen’s got to kill his own self. Since he obviously doesn’t want to do that, Arya blackmails him into promising to help her escape.
That night, Jaqen kills the guards and pins them to the wall so nobody notices; Arya, Gendry, and the fatty (actually complaining about his need for pie) saunter out the front gates.
beware the boner point 4: there’s no beware the peen here. follow those peens. straight to Jaqen or Gendry. whoever you find first.
Tyrion’s trying to plan the defense of King’s Landing, scoobies-in-Sunnydale-library style. Bronn (commander of Night’s Watch, formerly a sellsword bought by Tyrion) is more about the real politik – the starvation, thieving, and betrayal that will happen when the city’s under siege. With this in mind, he seems to have taken to executing all “known thieves”, making less mouths to feed. Tyrion’s books don’t seem to be much help; nobody knows what to do to keep Stannis out. (Don’t they have wildfire? Is Tyrion not mentioning this because Varys doesn’t know? Doesn’t Varys know everything?)
At a later dinner with Cersei (why do they keep hanging out when they hate each other so much???), she accuses Tyrion of trying to murder her children – by sending Myrcella to Dorne, and Joffrey into battle. Much as Tyrion tries to pull Cersei’s buttons and work behind her back, I don’t think he means any harm to her kids, even that shit Joffrey. Cersei’s talkin’ crazy. Remember that time Cersei said she wanted to find someone Tyrion loved, then take her away? Yea, it was in the ‘previously on’. Well, she thinks she’s found that person – “Tyrion’s whore.”She’s taken the whore captive, and promises to beat or kill her if Joffrey is harmed. Tyrion tries to play it cool, but Cersei sees through it. When Tyrion asks for proof that his whore his alive, the guards bring her in… and… umm… it’s not Shae.
doing it wrong
It’s the madame from Littlefinger’s brothel. Damn, that girl has been through a lot. I guess you have to get a little more specific when talking about “Tyrion’s whores.” I wonder if she took the fall on purpose, or if Tyrion set her up for it, or if Cersei is just an idiot. It may be true that Tyrion – and men in general – think with the “little worm” (aka peen), but he still seems to be doing better than Cersei. Cersei’s very pleased with herself, and Tyrion plays along as though the madame is the right woman, and even sends back a threat of his own: “A day will come when you think you’re safe is happy, and the joy will turn to ashes in your mouth.”