I thought you never shut up because you hadn’t been laid. I was wrong.
Marnie returns home to find them engaging in their sickening banter. She doesn’t want to be around anyone “who doesn’t hate every part of their life right now”, which is fair seeing as Marnie really has lost everything in a short amount of time. Plus, Ray and Shoshanna are rather sickening. Marnie explains that it’s back to the drawing board for her, as apparently museum and art curators don’t exist anymore. Ray points out that “the world has the three curators it needs”, with Shoshanna adding “it’s not like pop stars. We don’t need like a million of them”. Shosh should totally work for Careerbuilder.com.
Not to worry, though, Shosh and Ray both agree that Marnie could use her looks and get a pretty person job. She’s not like pretty enough to model, but she could be a hostess or something along those lines. Marnie scoffs at first, as she has a bachelor’s degree and it probably wasn’t in her life plans to work as a hostess. Shosh assures her that her friend that does it makes “like a gazillion dollars”, though, so it’s a solid back up plan.
Let’s enjoy bipartisan activities together
Speaking of new love, things are still going well between Hannah and Sandy. Elijah interrupts them brushing their teeth in the bathroom, and asks if he is even allowed to be in there as he knows Sandy is a Republican and doesn’t want to make him uncomfortable being in such close proximity to a gay guy. Elijah inquires if Sandy’s parents are Republican, and Sandy points out that they’re not, “it doesn’t take two Republicans to make a Republican”. Still, it doesn’t hurt. Hannah asks Sandy if he has had a chance to read the essay she gave him the other day, and Elijah accuses him of being too busy reading a Republican quarterly to get around to it. Sandy claims he is too busy with law school finals and he hasn’t had a chance to read it yet.
This marriage only has room for one spouse with an accent
Jessa and Thomas Jane are finally back from their honeymoon, and he is posing for her as she paints a portrait of him. Thomas Jane must have left his accent in the cab ride from the airport, because he is sounding much more American this week. This marriage screams trouble to me, though. Thomas Jane just seems too aloof and I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Shorteralls- I hope its only a made up portmanteau and not a real thing
Hannah stops by as Thomas Jane is leaving to return to work for meetings. He showers her with a number of compliments- how she’s so nice and how she does so much with what she’s got. Ouch. He even compliments her shorteralls, which I didn’t realize were a thing until this episode, but I’m not cool or from Brooklyn, so what do I know. Thomas Jane sets a large basket on the kitchen counter and asks Jessa to not open it until after he’s left. After he leaves, Jessa opens the basket to find three puppies, and Hannah shouts “they’re the size of fetuses!” Hooray! Puppies that look like fetuses. This is why you register at a reputable chain or big box store for your wedding gift. Martha Stewart, Justin Bieber and Taylor Swift aren’t wasting their time hocking Macy’s crap for nothing.