Glass House Recap: Glass House of Stereotypes

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Wednesday, June 20, 2012 | 5:25 pm | 11 Comments
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Posted in: Glass House, Recaps

All righty, Gasmii!  It is our very first episode of the already drama-filled Glass House.  Be prepared, as there are many things by which to annoy you encased in this clever house of glass.

First we meet Alex and Andrea.  Alex is a douchebag with way too many teeth.  He calls himself Alex “Prime Time 99”, whatever the hell that means.  I’m assuming he has 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one seeing as how he probably has never been laid without an ante.  He’s a bail bondsman from Dallas, so he probably knows my brother.  He’s from Highland Park, which explains everything that we will learn about him as the episode progresses.  For those who don’t know, Highland Park is the “old money” area of Dallas.

Andrea is a 31-year-old Mormon.  This should be pretty awesome.  I like the idea of a Mormon female in a house like this.

Then there is Ashley. who will be the resident Rosie Perez lookalike.  She’s from New Orleans and “keeps it real”.  That usually means she’s a huge bitch with no filter.  We’ll see.

Apollo Poetry (yes, that’s really what he said) is a plumber. Just kidding, he’s a poet if you couldn’t guess that from his made-up name.  He’s a doorag and pair of goggles away from being Ali G, but he’s not all about his Julie.  Instead, he’s all about passion and inspiration.  We’ll see how long that lasts. 

Booyah-kasha!

The Jetson’s tube is huffing and puffing when we meet Gene, a 300+ pound stuntman.  I might like him.  He seems pretty normal.

Erica, a cocktail waitress from Denver, is our resident big-boobied blonde.  She tells us that the stakes are high because she’s broke as a joke.  Then I bet you’ll love Alex.

Jacob is a cook from Oregon.  He claims to be goofy with good looks and a really good body.  I’m glad he told us, because I wouldn’t have known this from looking at him.  There’s something about him that reminds me of Joey Joe from the New Kids, except not cute and he probably can’t sing.

Holly is the hot chick.  She claims to be really smart, although she does work in “retail” which means she works at The Gap.  When I was her age, I had been working at the bank for 3 years and not as a teller.  Obviously, she’s not THAT smart.  But, you know, I guess when you hear over and over again how smart you are when guys are trying to get into your pants by making you believe they are into you as much for your mind as for your looks, you start to believe it.  They’re just trying to get into your pants, Holly.  Smart chicks don’t have to talk about how smart they are.

The token gay dude has walked in.  He claims to be “fat hot”.  His name is Jeffrey and he’s, (Surprise!) a receptionist.  I bet he does a lot of jazz hands, too.

Joy is a mom and a nurse and has posed for Playboy.  She doesn’t fit into one category…except for that mom/nurse/Playboy category.

Robin was born to be a Jewish mother, so she’ll nag everyone and force them to study all day.  She’s got a pretty wicked bod which is cool since she’s stuck in a house full of hard-bodied girls.

Kevin is a police sergeant from Toledo and is planning to win for his daughter.  Definitely the cute guy of the bunch.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

11 Comments

  1. 1
    carol
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    So far, I like this show better than Big Brother. I like that the viewers have so much power. Was the challenge in their outside area? It seemed like it was still inside a larger building.

    I sadly don’t think Alex will be going home. He was being a total tool, he reminded me of Stiffler from American Pie. As annoying as Alex is, he did call the Mormon out of the lying. Maybe I don’t know enough about her religion (and religions in general), but saying that it is okay to lie just because it is a game seems like a huge double standard. Isn’t that like a Muslim saying it is okay to eat pork because they are at a luau in Hawaii?

    Wonder if CBS is doing some recasting of Big Brother to get a better cast before it starts this summer. Trying to fill the different stereotypes that ABC didn’t cast.

  2. 2
    maryedith
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    I haven’t watched the show yet, but damn that guy is an old-looking 40! Isn’t he? Please tell me he is!

  3. 3
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    @maryedith: I believe he said he was 48 or something like that. Which probably means he’s 51.

  4. 4
    maryedith
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Thank God, (and sarcasatire). I didn’t want to think that’s how I look on camera.

  5. 5
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Sarcassy&MaryE, I agree! He looks Oh. El. Dee. That’s why I mistook him for the granddadude from RPDR. Men usually look more youthful in middle age (did I just say that?) than women which is why I agree about BS on his age. Mid-fifties.

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 6:01 am

    So when does this come on?

  7. 7
    ChaCha
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Haven’t read past Sugarbush’s comment that Alex has way too many teeth. His toothy smile totally creeps me out–who smiles with ALL of their teeth showing? And he does it so quickly, like he’s practiced in the mirror all of his life. Maybe his self-named “Prime Time 99″ tag is his way to showing us all 99 of his teeth at one time!

  8. 8
    kczar
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:08 am

    So far I like Robin, Eric, Stephanie, Jeffrey and Kevin. Gene is growing on me since he seems to have dropped his “Hollywood” nickname.

    Jacob was just a sad, stupid little boy. He looked just like the Stuart character from MadTV and claimed he walked away from a three year modeling contract? Modeling what? Onsies?

    I’ve already talked about Alex and how pathetic his villain routine was. Good riddance and I hope he doesn’t come back. Go home and see if daddy can buy you a law degree. “Highland Park doesn’t hang out with Oak Lawn.” Good one, Sugarbush!

    There have been a couple of things that have been found out about two of the contestants that are kind of interesting. First, Stephanie’s husband died suddenly a couple of years ago. So she gets sympathy points from me for moving on with her life after losing her spouse so young.

    The real bombshell is that Andrea had posted pictures on Facebook of her and her family (including three young kids) protesting in favor of Prop 8. It will be very interesting if the subject of gay marriage comes up to see if she’ll be honest about her opinions or not. But most of the people who watch the wepisodes and poll know about it. I don’t think she’d survive a vote if she wound up in Limbo.

    All in all, this is kind of a lame show but a good warm up for Big Brother. I’ll just do some stretches and see how long I can last. Thanks for recapping this mess, Sugarbush!

  9. 9
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Sounds like a clusterfuck.

  10. 10
    spinal11
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 2:14 am

    I actually watched this show online solely on the basis of your hilarious recap – you made it sound like a dumbfuck version of Big Brother, and sure enough it was!

    I like most of the people on the show so far. Kevin is hot and I loved how smoothly he shut down the dancing ape Alex. Apollo is adorable but I don’t think his schtick will last long on reality TV. I’m 50/50 on Robin so far, she could either be cool or become the resident ‘alpha female’ bitch. There is NO WAY Holly is 21 – 31, maybe! It’s nice that the women are generally cool and not immediately sniping at each other like they tend to do on this show. I like the giant stunt man as well.

    Alex is indeed pathetic and obvious. He reminds me of “Evil Dr. Will” from Big Brother if he had a full frontal lobotomy and got smacked in the face with a shovel a few hundred times. Epic reality TV villains can get under people’s skin in a subtle sneaky way, making them turn against each other – that’s entertaining. A grinning fool running around throwing schoolyard insults in people’s faces is just irritating. The people getting angry and crying about his transparent trolling are even dumber than him; have they never seen a reality show before? Gah. If he doesn’t get voted off I’ll probably just stick to reading your recaps.

  11. 11
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Making girls cry does not make you entertaining or epic.

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