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All righty, Gasmii! It is our very first episode of the already drama-filled Glass House. Be prepared, as there are many things by which to annoy you encased in this clever house of glass.
First we meet Alex and Andrea. Alex is a douchebag with way too many teeth. He calls himself Alex “Prime Time 99”, whatever the hell that means. I’m assuming he has 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one seeing as how he probably has never been laid without an ante. He’s a bail bondsman from Dallas, so he probably knows my brother. He’s from Highland Park, which explains everything that we will learn about him as the episode progresses. For those who don’t know, Highland Park is the “old money” area of Dallas.
Andrea is a 31-year-old Mormon. This should be pretty awesome. I like the idea of a Mormon female in a house like this.
Then there is Ashley. who will be the resident Rosie Perez lookalike. She’s from New Orleans and “keeps it real”. That usually means she’s a huge bitch with no filter. We’ll see.
Apollo Poetry (yes, that’s really what he said) is a plumber. Just kidding, he’s a poet if you couldn’t guess that from his made-up name. He’s a doorag and pair of goggles away from being Ali G, but he’s not all about his Julie. Instead, he’s all about passion and inspiration. We’ll see how long that lasts.
The Jetson’s tube is huffing and puffing when we meet Gene, a 300+ pound stuntman. I might like him. He seems pretty normal.
Erica, a cocktail waitress from Denver, is our resident big-boobied blonde. She tells us that the stakes are high because she’s broke as a joke. Then I bet you’ll love Alex.
Jacob is a cook from Oregon. He claims to be goofy with good looks and a really good body. I’m glad he told us, because I wouldn’t have known this from looking at him. There’s something about him that reminds me of Joey Joe from the New Kids, except not cute and he probably can’t sing.
Holly is the hot chick. She claims to be really smart, although she does work in “retail” which means she works at The Gap. When I was her age, I had been working at the bank for 3 years and not as a teller. Obviously, she’s not THAT smart. But, you know, I guess when you hear over and over again how smart you are when guys are trying to get into your pants by making you believe they are into you as much for your mind as for your looks, you start to believe it. They’re just trying to get into your pants, Holly. Smart chicks don’t have to talk about how smart they are.
The token gay dude has walked in. He claims to be “fat hot”. His name is Jeffrey and he’s, (Surprise!) a receptionist. I bet he does a lot of jazz hands, too.
Joy is a mom and a nurse and has posed for Playboy. She doesn’t fit into one category…except for that mom/nurse/Playboy category.
Robin was born to be a Jewish mother, so she’ll nag everyone and force them to study all day. She’s got a pretty wicked bod which is cool since she’s stuck in a house full of hard-bodied girls.
Kevin is a police sergeant from Toledo and is planning to win for his daughter. Definitely the cute guy of the bunch.