Glass House Recap: Glass House of Stereotypes

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Wednesday, June 20, 2012 | 5:25 pm | 11 Comments
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Posted in: Glass House, Recaps

Stephanie is a scientist living in Boston.  She tells us that she’s not one of those model wannabes.  I’m shocked, I tell you.  When I saw her I thought “Uh oh, there’s the model wannabe.”

Mike is a bar mitzvah DJ.  I absolutely love how specific his job is.  He’s in his 40s, so he thinks he’s going to die soon.  Unless you’re a total idiot or really unhealthy, you probably have another one of your lifetimes to live.  Don’t throw in the towel so damn soon.

Alex claims to be charming.  He’s 99 Alex Stein.  I already wish he’d shut up.  He’s hitting on all of the girls and Gene says his tool meter is starting to go off.  It’s funny, because all of the girls seem so excited by the attention he’s giving them.  They’re idiots and will regret their kindness towards him.  I have a very low tolerance for dickheads.  Jacob and Alex start to hit it off personality-wise and they’re already talking alliance, so they’re probably going to be in the bottom two together.  Mark my words.  I know my reality TV editing.

Everyone sits around after being greeted by the Holly/Hal voice.  The Voice tells them that the viewers will be voting on things for them to do and for the person who will go home each week.  The contestants will not be considered the “bottom two”, but will, instead, be in Limbo.  Only one person returns from Limbo.  Captain Obvious Holly (remember, she’s really smart, y’all) breaks it down for us – the longer you avoid Limbo, the longer you stick around.  Whew!  I’m glad she’s here to translate for us.  Each team has a captain and the losing team captain will automatically be up for Limbo. 

The first thing the viewers have voted on is how to group up the teams for the first challenge.  Their choice was East versus West which confuses the shit out of Jacob.  Oh, he’ll be around for a while.  Mike is already done with this guy and I can’t blame him.  Jacob is from Oregon.  Unless you’re in Hawaii, you really can’t get more West than that.  I bet time zones really confuse this guy.

The challenge will begin in one day.  In the meantime, they get to see their rooms.  But wait!  Viewers have chosen who will stay in the Enemies Room and who will stay in the Friends Room.  Our enemies are Holly and Robin.  Holly being the youngest and Robin being the oldest gal.  That was clever, viewers.  The friends room are Tits McGee and Mormon. 

Stephanie shows us how just how sharp she is by doing wizard math and figuring out that they’re two beds short with only 12 beds.  I’m so glad they have smart people on this show. 

I know you would automatically assume I’m a model, but I’m not.  I’m a scientist.

Kevin likes to have fun despite being a cop, but Alex thinks that’s strange.  I can see that this asshat has encountered a few cops in his day and has bought or name-dropped his way out of tickets.  Because he’s from Dallas, that pisses me off even more because that means those tickets he’s gotten out of have come around and landed in my broke-ass lap.

They hear their Hal chime and know there’s another vote.  It’s thrilling, I tell you.  The vote was to have a pool party over a pajama jammy jam.  Holly has Alex pick out her bikini, which is really annoying.  All the girls have killer bodies and there isn’t a well-built dude in the house.  The next exciting viewer vote is to have the party theme be Mardi Gras beads and boas.  Jeffrey solidifies his status as the Gay Guy with capital “G”s by announcing he brought his own feather boas. 

Just in case you didn’t know I was gay…

Every single person in the house gets into the hot tub, which causes it to overflow.  The pure disrespect for this free housing by soaking the wood floors in chlorinated water has me really pissed.  Just because it’s a TV show doesn’t mean it’s cool to beat up your living quarters.  I foresee underpants hanging from lamp shades and hair clogs in the drain.  Reality show people are shameless.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

11 Comments

  1. 1
    carol
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    So far, I like this show better than Big Brother. I like that the viewers have so much power. Was the challenge in their outside area? It seemed like it was still inside a larger building.

    I sadly don’t think Alex will be going home. He was being a total tool, he reminded me of Stiffler from American Pie. As annoying as Alex is, he did call the Mormon out of the lying. Maybe I don’t know enough about her religion (and religions in general), but saying that it is okay to lie just because it is a game seems like a huge double standard. Isn’t that like a Muslim saying it is okay to eat pork because they are at a luau in Hawaii?

    Wonder if CBS is doing some recasting of Big Brother to get a better cast before it starts this summer. Trying to fill the different stereotypes that ABC didn’t cast.

  2. 2
    maryedith
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    I haven’t watched the show yet, but damn that guy is an old-looking 40! Isn’t he? Please tell me he is!

  3. 3
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    @maryedith: I believe he said he was 48 or something like that. Which probably means he’s 51.

  4. 4
    maryedith
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Thank God, (and sarcasatire). I didn’t want to think that’s how I look on camera.

  5. 5
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Sarcassy&MaryE, I agree! He looks Oh. El. Dee. That’s why I mistook him for the granddadude from RPDR. Men usually look more youthful in middle age (did I just say that?) than women which is why I agree about BS on his age. Mid-fifties.

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 6:01 am

    So when does this come on?

  7. 7
    ChaCha
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Haven’t read past Sugarbush’s comment that Alex has way too many teeth. His toothy smile totally creeps me out–who smiles with ALL of their teeth showing? And he does it so quickly, like he’s practiced in the mirror all of his life. Maybe his self-named “Prime Time 99″ tag is his way to showing us all 99 of his teeth at one time!

  8. 8
    kczar
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:08 am

    So far I like Robin, Eric, Stephanie, Jeffrey and Kevin. Gene is growing on me since he seems to have dropped his “Hollywood” nickname.

    Jacob was just a sad, stupid little boy. He looked just like the Stuart character from MadTV and claimed he walked away from a three year modeling contract? Modeling what? Onsies?

    I’ve already talked about Alex and how pathetic his villain routine was. Good riddance and I hope he doesn’t come back. Go home and see if daddy can buy you a law degree. “Highland Park doesn’t hang out with Oak Lawn.” Good one, Sugarbush!

    There have been a couple of things that have been found out about two of the contestants that are kind of interesting. First, Stephanie’s husband died suddenly a couple of years ago. So she gets sympathy points from me for moving on with her life after losing her spouse so young.

    The real bombshell is that Andrea had posted pictures on Facebook of her and her family (including three young kids) protesting in favor of Prop 8. It will be very interesting if the subject of gay marriage comes up to see if she’ll be honest about her opinions or not. But most of the people who watch the wepisodes and poll know about it. I don’t think she’d survive a vote if she wound up in Limbo.

    All in all, this is kind of a lame show but a good warm up for Big Brother. I’ll just do some stretches and see how long I can last. Thanks for recapping this mess, Sugarbush!

  9. 9
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Sounds like a clusterfuck.

  10. 10
    spinal11
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 2:14 am

    I actually watched this show online solely on the basis of your hilarious recap – you made it sound like a dumbfuck version of Big Brother, and sure enough it was!

    I like most of the people on the show so far. Kevin is hot and I loved how smoothly he shut down the dancing ape Alex. Apollo is adorable but I don’t think his schtick will last long on reality TV. I’m 50/50 on Robin so far, she could either be cool or become the resident ‘alpha female’ bitch. There is NO WAY Holly is 21 – 31, maybe! It’s nice that the women are generally cool and not immediately sniping at each other like they tend to do on this show. I like the giant stunt man as well.

    Alex is indeed pathetic and obvious. He reminds me of “Evil Dr. Will” from Big Brother if he had a full frontal lobotomy and got smacked in the face with a shovel a few hundred times. Epic reality TV villains can get under people’s skin in a subtle sneaky way, making them turn against each other – that’s entertaining. A grinning fool running around throwing schoolyard insults in people’s faces is just irritating. The people getting angry and crying about his transparent trolling are even dumber than him; have they never seen a reality show before? Gah. If he doesn’t get voted off I’ll probably just stick to reading your recaps.

  11. 11
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Making girls cry does not make you entertaining or epic.

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