Glass House Recap: Glass House of Stereotypes

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Wednesday, June 20, 2012 | 5:25 pm | 11 Comments
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Posted in: Glass House, Recaps

Another exciting vote!!  Sushi platter over cold cuts!!  Holla!

They play kiss and blow.  Alex is entertained by Mike having to be next to Jeffrey in the Kiss and Blow lineup.  I guess Highland Park doesn’t hang out with Oak Lawn much.  He seems way too entertained by Jeffrey’s homosexuality.

Oh my gawd, it’s a gay dude and a straight guy!  Cray-zeee!

Alex manipulates Jacob into being the team captain.  Alex’s smile makes me want to get a license, buy a gun, and shoot him.  Alex’s name should have been Chet or Chazz.  He’s THAT guy from all of the 80s high school movies.  He’s the guy skiing down the K12, schmoozing around in a smoking jacket and ascot, throwing a wild part in his parents’ mansion, and chatting up Buffy through his gritted teeth.  He’s like Tailor Made without any likability…or brains.

Jeffrey volunteers to captain team East.  Then, Ali P comes in to let them all know that he will not form any alliances and will keep it real.  There’s a shitton of real keeping going on in this house.  He wants everyone to draw a card from a deck and when it comes time to vote for someone to go to Limbo, the person whose card is drawn will be the one to go.  Seems fair, but he’s the only person who is going to stick to that one.

Gene wants Ali P to step up and play the game instead of working on relationships and Mike thinks he’s an idiot. 

Now for the first challenge which is to have four people on lifts controlled by the others, who will direct them.  There’s a huge board with rotating blocks that will connect the name of the opposing teammates with a random fact about themselves.  Although Jacob is the captain, Alex takes the lead.  I never saw that coming, did you??  Jacob tells us this is OK, because he’s “street smart, not common sense smart”.  Umm, actually, street smart IS common sense.  They’re the same!!  Argh!  Sorry, but I hate stupid people.

Alex so far has everything wrong, but he says it all with the utmost confidence because he is from Highland Park.  Again, stupid rich boy had life handed to him on a silver platter, so he thinks he controls the world.  In reality, he’s just a short little shark-toothed dickhead.

It’s funny, because they seem to be very unable to figure out the easiest way to solve this challenge.  There are only two choices for each block and they all go together like a puzzle.  It’s not that hard.  There are too many chiefs and not enough Indians and it’s pretty clear they’ll be the losing team.

Next up is team East.  Stephanie reveals that she’s in MENSA, so she should be able to solve this quickly.  I love that she couldn’t wait to throw that one in there.  It’s a puzzle, not rocket science – my 4 year old could solve that in 2 minutes.  I’m sure Stephanie is smart, but no one likes people who are always reminding you of how smart or beautiful they are (ahem, Holly). 

Just so you know, I’m in MENSA.  That means I’m smarter than you.

So MENSA takes over the leadership role and Jazz Hands seems happy to have someone else take the reins.  She starts talking about calculations and permutations.  Again…it’s a frickin’ puzzle, dude.  You’re wasting time trying to be clever and smart when all you have to do is have them turn the blocks.

The times are revealed with team West at 7:04 and team East at 3:54.  Well, there’s a surprise.  Jazz Hands continues to be a stereotype and cries.  With Jacob being the team West captain, he’s going to Limbo.  He thinks they’ll send Alex, too.  Gee, I wonder why he feels that way?  Mike thinks Alex is trying too hard to play the game.  Speaking of trying too hard, Joy is really over-the-top about her sexuality.  Everything is sex.  Brushing teeth – sex.  Eating a sandwich – sex.  Dropping a load – sex.  She calls it a “European attitude” about sex, but really it’s just an attention whore attitude.  She reminds us that she posed for Playboy.  Really?!  You did?!  I didn’t know that!

It will be a season of Joy and phallic symbols.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

11 Comments

  1. 1
    carol
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    So far, I like this show better than Big Brother. I like that the viewers have so much power. Was the challenge in their outside area? It seemed like it was still inside a larger building.

    I sadly don’t think Alex will be going home. He was being a total tool, he reminded me of Stiffler from American Pie. As annoying as Alex is, he did call the Mormon out of the lying. Maybe I don’t know enough about her religion (and religions in general), but saying that it is okay to lie just because it is a game seems like a huge double standard. Isn’t that like a Muslim saying it is okay to eat pork because they are at a luau in Hawaii?

    Wonder if CBS is doing some recasting of Big Brother to get a better cast before it starts this summer. Trying to fill the different stereotypes that ABC didn’t cast.

  2. 2
    maryedith
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    I haven’t watched the show yet, but damn that guy is an old-looking 40! Isn’t he? Please tell me he is!

  3. 3
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    @maryedith: I believe he said he was 48 or something like that. Which probably means he’s 51.

  4. 4
    maryedith
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Thank God, (and sarcasatire). I didn’t want to think that’s how I look on camera.

  5. 5
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Sarcassy&MaryE, I agree! He looks Oh. El. Dee. That’s why I mistook him for the granddadude from RPDR. Men usually look more youthful in middle age (did I just say that?) than women which is why I agree about BS on his age. Mid-fifties.

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 6:01 am

    So when does this come on?

  7. 7
    ChaCha
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Haven’t read past Sugarbush’s comment that Alex has way too many teeth. His toothy smile totally creeps me out–who smiles with ALL of their teeth showing? And he does it so quickly, like he’s practiced in the mirror all of his life. Maybe his self-named “Prime Time 99″ tag is his way to showing us all 99 of his teeth at one time!

  8. 8
    kczar
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:08 am

    So far I like Robin, Eric, Stephanie, Jeffrey and Kevin. Gene is growing on me since he seems to have dropped his “Hollywood” nickname.

    Jacob was just a sad, stupid little boy. He looked just like the Stuart character from MadTV and claimed he walked away from a three year modeling contract? Modeling what? Onsies?

    I’ve already talked about Alex and how pathetic his villain routine was. Good riddance and I hope he doesn’t come back. Go home and see if daddy can buy you a law degree. “Highland Park doesn’t hang out with Oak Lawn.” Good one, Sugarbush!

    There have been a couple of things that have been found out about two of the contestants that are kind of interesting. First, Stephanie’s husband died suddenly a couple of years ago. So she gets sympathy points from me for moving on with her life after losing her spouse so young.

    The real bombshell is that Andrea had posted pictures on Facebook of her and her family (including three young kids) protesting in favor of Prop 8. It will be very interesting if the subject of gay marriage comes up to see if she’ll be honest about her opinions or not. But most of the people who watch the wepisodes and poll know about it. I don’t think she’d survive a vote if she wound up in Limbo.

    All in all, this is kind of a lame show but a good warm up for Big Brother. I’ll just do some stretches and see how long I can last. Thanks for recapping this mess, Sugarbush!

  9. 9
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Sounds like a clusterfuck.

  10. 10
    spinal11
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 2:14 am

    I actually watched this show online solely on the basis of your hilarious recap – you made it sound like a dumbfuck version of Big Brother, and sure enough it was!

    I like most of the people on the show so far. Kevin is hot and I loved how smoothly he shut down the dancing ape Alex. Apollo is adorable but I don’t think his schtick will last long on reality TV. I’m 50/50 on Robin so far, she could either be cool or become the resident ‘alpha female’ bitch. There is NO WAY Holly is 21 – 31, maybe! It’s nice that the women are generally cool and not immediately sniping at each other like they tend to do on this show. I like the giant stunt man as well.

    Alex is indeed pathetic and obvious. He reminds me of “Evil Dr. Will” from Big Brother if he had a full frontal lobotomy and got smacked in the face with a shovel a few hundred times. Epic reality TV villains can get under people’s skin in a subtle sneaky way, making them turn against each other – that’s entertaining. A grinning fool running around throwing schoolyard insults in people’s faces is just irritating. The people getting angry and crying about his transparent trolling are even dumber than him; have they never seen a reality show before? Gah. If he doesn’t get voted off I’ll probably just stick to reading your recaps.

  11. 11
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Making girls cry does not make you entertaining or epic.

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