Glass House Recap: Glass House of Stereotypes

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Wednesday, June 20, 2012 | 5:25 pm | 11 Comments
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Posted in: Glass House, Recaps

Joy continues her need for sexual attention by daring Alex to wear her underpants.  Being a fellow attention whore, he puts on a pair of her boyshorts and runs around the house, air humping people.  I find it more hilarious that he’s wearing women’s underpants, but seems he has plenty of room in the front.  The main person he decides to airhump is Andrea, the Mormon.  Kevin is not at all amused by Alex’s behavior and looks like he’s ready to beat his super-flat ass.  Alex’s response is to tell us that Kevin is a “baby back bitch”. 

America, please vote off Alex.  He’s not a good villain – he’s just a spoiled little pansy who is only cool in his very small circle of rich Highland Park friends.

This is what a rich virgin looks like.

Kevin launches into Alex after he’s finally covered up, telling him he’s wildly inappropriate, especially to be doing that around married women.  I found Alex’s behavior the opposite of funny, but I’m married and that fact doesn’t affect me.  It would if he looked like the Conch Shell Guy from that Antonio Sabato, Jr. dating show.  But when the guy’s ass is inverted and the only muscle he has is the one that works his jaw, there really isn’t a problem – just an annoyance.  The others seem to be in agreement with Kevin, which makes me happy.

For God’s sake, would you cover yourself!

Alex and Jacob go to their room so Alex can shittalk the other players.  Ashley is boring, Apollo is a…yes, he said it again…a baby back bitch, Joy is used to using her vag to get her way.  Basically, everyone in the house sucks except for Jacob.  It’s a touching moment. 

The Voice tells everyone to meet in the living room where the next part of the show is revealed.  Each week, the players get to ask a question of the viewers.  The answer is revealed to all, but the question is only known to the asker.  This could work some really good mindfuckery, so this is the first idea that I really like. 

Gene is up first and he asks whether he should align with the men or the women.  Women.

Erica only wants to know if Ari the Racecar Driver is still on the Bachelorette, and she lets everyone know that’s what she asked.  Hopefully she’ll figure out how to use this opportunity better in coming weeks.

Ali P only wants to know if the viewers have smiled at least once today.  I like this guy as a person, but there’s no way I could handle him 24/7.  Everyone has some asshole in them.  Hopefully someone will be able to elicit it from this guy on camera.

Alex asks if he should turn into the most epic villain in the history of reality TV.  The viewers answered “yes”.  I wish they’d voted “no”.  That would have been hilarious.  He gets a boner over this decision, but hopefully he won’t stick around long enough.

Alex wastes no time trying to be the greatest villain the world has ever seen….on reality TV, that is.  He’s so pathetic, because he can’t even do that well.  He is extremely transparent and this should be expected of him, anyway.  His first move is on Joy who tells the guys that her parents were really strict.  Alex tells Apollo at a normal speaking volume and right in front of Joy that typically strippers and prostitutes had priests for parents.  Oh, Alex.  You’re so sneaky.

Then, he immediately goes up to Kevin and asks why he apologized to Jacob yesterday, but not him.  Kevin asks if he wants to talk about it to which Alex responds in a true, scary villain way – “You’re such a dork”.  Wow.  Way to stoke that fire, bud.

Joy tells Alex that he’s being a jerk and Alex says he doesn’t care what she thinks, because she can’t even keep a husband.  Seeing as how Alex has been steadily trying to get in her pants from the get-go, I find it sad that Joy doesn’t see the stark change in his behavior towards her.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

11 Comments

  1. 1
    carol
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 7:11 pm

    So far, I like this show better than Big Brother. I like that the viewers have so much power. Was the challenge in their outside area? It seemed like it was still inside a larger building.

    I sadly don’t think Alex will be going home. He was being a total tool, he reminded me of Stiffler from American Pie. As annoying as Alex is, he did call the Mormon out of the lying. Maybe I don’t know enough about her religion (and religions in general), but saying that it is okay to lie just because it is a game seems like a huge double standard. Isn’t that like a Muslim saying it is okay to eat pork because they are at a luau in Hawaii?

    Wonder if CBS is doing some recasting of Big Brother to get a better cast before it starts this summer. Trying to fill the different stereotypes that ABC didn’t cast.

  2. 2
    maryedith
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 8:21 pm

    I haven’t watched the show yet, but damn that guy is an old-looking 40! Isn’t he? Please tell me he is!

  3. 3
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 8:52 pm

    @maryedith: I believe he said he was 48 or something like that. Which probably means he’s 51.

  4. 4
    maryedith
    Posted June 20, 2012 at 9:05 pm

    Thank God, (and sarcasatire). I didn’t want to think that’s how I look on camera.

  5. 5
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Sarcassy&MaryE, I agree! He looks Oh. El. Dee. That’s why I mistook him for the granddadude from RPDR. Men usually look more youthful in middle age (did I just say that?) than women which is why I agree about BS on his age. Mid-fifties.

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 6:01 am

    So when does this come on?

  7. 7
    ChaCha
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 7:21 am

    Haven’t read past Sugarbush’s comment that Alex has way too many teeth. His toothy smile totally creeps me out–who smiles with ALL of their teeth showing? And he does it so quickly, like he’s practiced in the mirror all of his life. Maybe his self-named “Prime Time 99″ tag is his way to showing us all 99 of his teeth at one time!

  8. 8
    kczar
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:08 am

    So far I like Robin, Eric, Stephanie, Jeffrey and Kevin. Gene is growing on me since he seems to have dropped his “Hollywood” nickname.

    Jacob was just a sad, stupid little boy. He looked just like the Stuart character from MadTV and claimed he walked away from a three year modeling contract? Modeling what? Onsies?

    I’ve already talked about Alex and how pathetic his villain routine was. Good riddance and I hope he doesn’t come back. Go home and see if daddy can buy you a law degree. “Highland Park doesn’t hang out with Oak Lawn.” Good one, Sugarbush!

    There have been a couple of things that have been found out about two of the contestants that are kind of interesting. First, Stephanie’s husband died suddenly a couple of years ago. So she gets sympathy points from me for moving on with her life after losing her spouse so young.

    The real bombshell is that Andrea had posted pictures on Facebook of her and her family (including three young kids) protesting in favor of Prop 8. It will be very interesting if the subject of gay marriage comes up to see if she’ll be honest about her opinions or not. But most of the people who watch the wepisodes and poll know about it. I don’t think she’d survive a vote if she wound up in Limbo.

    All in all, this is kind of a lame show but a good warm up for Big Brother. I’ll just do some stretches and see how long I can last. Thanks for recapping this mess, Sugarbush!

  9. 9
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:22 am

    Sounds like a clusterfuck.

  10. 10
    spinal11
    Posted June 22, 2012 at 2:14 am

    I actually watched this show online solely on the basis of your hilarious recap – you made it sound like a dumbfuck version of Big Brother, and sure enough it was!

    I like most of the people on the show so far. Kevin is hot and I loved how smoothly he shut down the dancing ape Alex. Apollo is adorable but I don’t think his schtick will last long on reality TV. I’m 50/50 on Robin so far, she could either be cool or become the resident ‘alpha female’ bitch. There is NO WAY Holly is 21 – 31, maybe! It’s nice that the women are generally cool and not immediately sniping at each other like they tend to do on this show. I like the giant stunt man as well.

    Alex is indeed pathetic and obvious. He reminds me of “Evil Dr. Will” from Big Brother if he had a full frontal lobotomy and got smacked in the face with a shovel a few hundred times. Epic reality TV villains can get under people’s skin in a subtle sneaky way, making them turn against each other – that’s entertaining. A grinning fool running around throwing schoolyard insults in people’s faces is just irritating. The people getting angry and crying about his transparent trolling are even dumber than him; have they never seen a reality show before? Gah. If he doesn’t get voted off I’ll probably just stick to reading your recaps.

  11. 11
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 4:54 pm

    Making girls cry does not make you entertaining or epic.

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