Glass House Recap: Jumping Ship

Recaps

By Sugarbush | Tuesday, July 17, 2012 | 2:38 pm | 10 Comments
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Posted in: Glass House, Recaps

The alliance is down to Mike, Kevin, Andrea, and Holly, so they’re freaking out.  Gene is in the kitchen talking to the others about how they must be in there plotting to divide the teams up like they did last time.  Too bad you guys are basically the team of dullards, so good luck on winning a challenge against the others.  I love how they call the other team all emotional and crazy when their team is the one that gets all pissy at each other, which screws up their challenges.

Mike’s team is Gene, Jeff, Erica, and Joy.  So, Holly’s is Kevin, Andrea, and Stephanie.  I love that they always take Stephanie.  I think they think it’s good strategery. 

So the teams are playing against each other.  They have to launch a ball with a lacrosse stick across the yard to hit panes of glass out of moving windmills.  The teams have goalies.  After a while, the players use slingshots instead of lacrosse thingies.  Sorry, I have no idea what those are called as I grew up in a ghetto-y city so we didn’t have lacrosse in school.  Mike is tearing it up with the slingshot and takes his team past Holly’s.  Andrea’s having a heck of a time with the slingshot.  Maybe they should have given the Mormon a tether ball instead.

The Mormon Idea of Fun

They’re neck and neck for a short period of time when suddenly Gene knocks out the last pane.  Mike’s team wins and Mike’s excited to not be going down the tubes.  Andrea’s upset that she screwed it up so badly, so I’m sure she’s worried her teams going to send her down the toilet.  Well, I’m guessing if they knew about you courting the other alliance before severely fumbling this game, they probably will.  Again…bad liar.

Jeff thinks that Andrea shouldn’t be up, because she’s probably less popular and will be up for team captain next week.  Erica really doesn’t want to see Kevin go down again, unless it’s on her.  Andrea’s still crying over this.  She’s referring to this as a battle, which is even more annoying.  It’s not a battle – it’s a television show.  A bad one.  And you are playing ridiculous games out in the Brady Bunch’s backyard.  There are starving people all over the world and children growing up in embattled areas, meanwhile you’re crying to a nation about not using a sling shot correctly.

Erica and Kevin try to figure suss out each teams’ agenda.  Erica wants to gauge Kevin’s feelings on being sent down the tubes again.  I’m curious to find out if Erica is pretending to listen to her vagina instead of her brain or if this is for real.  I’m thinking it’s the former.  I want to believe there is at least one person that intelligent and wily in this house.

They are told there’s going to be a hitch this week.  Suddenly, everyone throws up when they see Alex come up the tubes with luggage in tow.  Really, ABC?  Do you believe this is going to improve ratings?  I’m only watching this show because I’m recapping it.  It’s going to be all I can do to continue recapping it with Alex on here.  If I have to hear “Prime Time 99” or “baby back bitch”, I’m going to Oedipus my freakin’ ears.

 He starts out by apologizing and says that he was only a jerk because we, the viewers, told him to.  Yeah right.  In reality, he’s doing the fanswers and not staying, but I did have to listen to him say “Prime Time 99”.  This is really grating.  Joy learns that we would rather see Gene stay than Kevin.  Stephanie finds out that we’d rather see Andrea in Limbo rather than Kevin.  Holly seems totally in love with Alex.  Probably only because he was the only person in the house she could influence with her looks.  Reason #87123 that no one likes you, Holly.

Voting time and Mike votes for Stephanie.  Gene votes for Kevin.  Erica votes for Andrea, because her vag wants to see Kevin stay.  This will probably be more split than we normally see.  So, there were three votes for Stephanie, one vote for Kevin, and five for Andrea.  Down the tubes go Andrea and Holly.  I don’t like either of them, but I think I’d rather see Andrea come back over Holly.  At least Andrea’s acting is a little more convincing.  Holly’s going to have to understand how strong the Mormon alliance is over any house alliances.  I’m pretty sure that Andrea will be coming back.

The exit’s this way, Holly.

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Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

10 Comments

  1. 1
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    I want the witch that everyone hates to come back. You have no idea which one I’m referring to, do you?

    I want Holly to come back. The hater (Andrea) needs to go back to Utah. Someone needs to kick her scrawny, Mormon butt out the door; the sooner the better.

    Uh, Mike doesn’t like women. I loathe him but I still like seeing him shirtless. He’s very handsome for a man of 48.

    Kevin disgusts me. [I wish they would make him wear a speedo or some latex biking shorts as some sort of penalty.]
    Jeffrey is the most perfect contestant – ever — in the history of reality TV.

    People are still watching. I watched it streaming during my lunch hour – live—lots of peeps were commenting on what was happening. Thanks for the recap.

  2. 2
    kthxbai kthxbai
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    @Sugarbush “The suck of your personality outweighs your beauty” went right into my Awkward Social Situation Solutions file!

    I’m still getting caught up on my back tv watching. And reading recaps. But I just wanted say thanks for that inspirational quote! And Glass House of Stereotypes is right! So we knew from the get go we’d get some bigot drama.

    Like on Bad Girls Club. Where sometimes they’ll put a regular diversity cast. And then add on 1 or 2 white girls that make you think the producers must’ve lied to them to get them to sign up.

    My guess is ABC’s nose is out of joint. Because they feel like The Bachelor’s 1 of the OG reality shows. But now it’s other networks getting famous for having the trashiest 1s. While their producers are getting into fake Twitter wars with fake bloggers they hired on the DL in the 1st place. Then they do this show. To let the whole world know their idea of a reward is Tenley and Kiptin.

    It reminds me of having an older auntie that tries to keep up to date. But instead just keeps missing the point. Say she sees people wearing tight jeans. And a lot of Hello Kitty stuff. So she’ll make tight jeans for all the teenagers in the family. With seams and rivets and everything. Except they’re made out of nightgown flannel with generic pink kittens on it.

  3. 3
    itchy itchy
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    There was a great series on BBC about a bunch of contestants inside a BB-type show during a zombie apocalypse. They were in there when the outbreak started. These people are sort of similar. Except we’ve all turned into Big Brother viewers instead. Same deal: my brain is rotted and my leg is falling off.

  4. 4
    considerthis
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 6:57 am

    Is Stephanie a 2 pack a day – coffee addict. Her teeth are SO yellow!

  5. 5
    joye
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    kthxbai, you need to sign up to recap something. LOVE your writing.

  6. 6
    CrazyTrain CrazyTrain
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    I’m watching! Please don’t stop – I always forget this is on and miss like the first 30 mins so I need your recaps! Of course, I still get everyone confused anyway. I thought the one guy who looked like the other guy was gone but he’s not :(

  7. 7
    mjhhawk
    Posted July 19, 2012 at 11:18 am

    I haven’t watched a second and feel like I haven;t missed a second thanks to your recaps. Did they give an explanation as to why Alex is back?

  8. 8
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted July 22, 2012 at 12:38 pm

    @mjhhawk: Alex was just delivering the “fanswers” or whatever the fuck they call them (actually it’s one of the few good ideas the show has lol).

    I’m actually enjoying this show more than I thought I would, especially after last week. I really like Joy, Erica, Ge…that whole damn side of the house. I still think it’ll be interesting when they have to turn on each other (and I’m a sucker for the Joy/Gene thing – I can’t help it!).

    Thanks again for the recaps!

  9. 9
    itchy itchy
    Posted July 24, 2012 at 5:55 am

    I’m going to throw this out there… this show is better than Big Brother after all. Maybe it’s the fact that none of these players are “returning” players, or maybe it’s actually because there’s only one episode per week, so it really does seem as if things happen… as opposed to the bullshit storylines Big Brother is required to string together in order to pad three episodes per week.

    More than that, they actually seemed to have made an effort to recruit fairly intelligent, somewhat articulate and generally mature people — hell, even the playboy bunny “bimbo” on this show seems brighter than the smartest person on Big Brother (whoever that would be). And they’ve made it a point of getting rid of the idiots early on.

    I’m even coming around to the “Amurrica votes” idea — it shakes things up, keeps people from getting complacent, and provides a definite slap in the face of bullying types.

    Hmm…. I’m ought to copy and paste this into the Big Brother comments section, since I’m not sure how many people are still reading the Glass House comments….

  10. 10
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted July 24, 2012 at 11:32 am

    Based monday’s episode I now can see why Joy got so upset about Mike saying she was using Gene. She really does like him.

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