We’re going to see who rooms together and who is coming back into the house. Jeff and Andrea in the enemies room and Mike and Kevin in the friends room. Andrea refuses to sleep in the same bed as a man, even if the man’s penis wants nothing to do with her and her frigid vagina. Maybe she’s afraid he’ll make her gay. It’s that pesky homo virus.
The Kevin team is talking smack about the Erica team. Kevin says they’re all scatterbrains while their team is level-headed. I’d say “emotional” rather than “scatterbrain”, but whatever. Andrea wants to see Joy go, because she’s all about showing her boobies and shaking her booty. Oh, Andrea. It’s OK to be treated like a second class citizen not worthy of work or an education, but it’s not OK to use your sex appeal to your advantage. That makes complete sense.
Team Kevin thinks they still have Gene in their back pockets. Aren’t you using a black man as a means? Is that racism or race? Maybe it’s anti-gay.
Robin and Tits McGee come up the tubes and everyone waits. Of course, those of us here know that Robin goes. Team Kevin sweats hard after seeing Robin go back down the tubes. They’re not at all able to contain their resentment. That’s hilarious.
Mike and Kevin are upset that Joy is filling Erica in on everything she missed. Why would that bother you? Isn’t that what people do? Erica, Joy, and Jeff are unpacking Erica’s stuff and talking smack. Erica thinks it’s funny that the other team is taking on Ashley, who has been in the bottom of the popularity poll twice, and Holly, who came in lying about her degree in “Astrophysicology from Harpton University” (credit to Erica on that one – I wish I could claim it).
Team Kevin is sweating bad. All they can do is cry about how Robin didn’t come back. Who cares? Did you really believe that the viewers would like Robin more? There’s just not as much FUN drama with Robin as there is with Erica. Robin’s drama is internal. That’s no good for us viewers.
Suddenly, there is an assassination attempt on Stephanie.
Hurry, while she’s distracted!
Fanswer time! This time someone much more enjoyable is here to give the fanswers. Puppies! A bunch of Labradoodles. And I’m not going to get into my distaste for engineering new dog breeds for popularity reasons. The dogs each have a collar with a player’s name and their fanswer. Holly is disgusted by the whole thing. Dog drool and all that. What a way to make yourself even more unlikeable. Anyone who doesn’t like puppies is a sick fuck. Everyone knows that.
I did not fail to comb my hair just to be drooled on by puppies.
Andrea wanted to know if she should be loyal to her original alliance or if she should go out on her own. The viewers answered “Kevin”, which means she should stay loyal. Mike asked if he has more fan support than Stephanie and the answer is “no”. No kidding, Mike. That was a wasted opportunity to ask a helpful question. Gene wants to know if he’s a hero that we like and respect or a villain that they despise. We said “hero”. Again, that’s not a surprise. Stephanie wants the puppies to take the places of Holly and Mike. I agree.
Next up, the bottom two. Erica is not eligible for the bottom two vote, so that’s good. Andrea is safe first. Wow. That Mormon vote is strong, I told y’all. It’s Holly v Ashley. No kidding. They’re both boring as hell and lack personality. Holly had better hope her team wins since she revealed today that she hates puppies. I’m not going to be sad to see either of these two leave. They’re kind of superfluous.
Ashley is on her bed crying over a couple of pictures. She’s from New Orleans, so she throws out the Katrina card. You are really reaching, girl. Stephanie’s dead husband totally trumps your Hurricane Katrina. Gene’s radar goes off and he comes in to comfort her. She cries to us about having to go through other people’s shoes! Other people’s SHOES!
First world problems.