Glass House Recap: The Bitch that Laid the Golden Egg


Last week on Glass House, we met the players and got to learn the process of the game.  Unfortunately, we had to deal with a whole lotta Alex “Prime Time 99″ Stein.  As the most hated in the house, he went down the tubes with Jacob, the guy with way too much energy and false self-confidence.  We were told that Jacob had quit the game while in Limbo which could only mean that rich boy Alex paid him off.

The housemates are discussing their hopes that Jacob comes back.  Joy tells Gene and Erica that she hopes everyone doesn’t see her the way Alex was describing her.  She thinks she’ll leave if Alex comes back and Gene tells her if she does that, Alex wins.  She starts crying about how her mom shouldn’t have to watch someone say those things to her, because she’s already dealt with it so much.  You would think that choosing to pose for Playboy, you’d realize that people would look down on you.  It doesn’t make it right, but it’s reality.  Similar situation as Pia on Mob Wives Chicago except her balls are way bigger.  Gene gropes for a way to comfort Joy in her sorrow, so we know Gene’s going to be all over getting into those pants.

The Voice tells the players that one of the Limbo residents quit the game and the viewers are voting on whether or not the other person will leave.  The housemates are freaking out over the idea of Jacob quitting so that Alex can come back.  Jeffrey noticed that Jacob’s face was kind of “givey uppy” when he was going down the tube, so he thinks it’s Jacob who quit.  They all are terrified at the idea of Jacob gone and Alex coming back. 

Kevin just starts tearing it up by pretending to be Alex.  He says “bro” a lot and then remembers that he was supposed to have a creepy toothy grin the entire time.  Everyone is rolling in the floor over it.  It’s pretty damn funny.  I’m starting to like him.

The Voice dings and we wait to see if Alex comes back.  Smoke rises out of the hole of one of the platforms.  The cheesey smile emerges from the smoke and everyone looks dumbfounded.  He’s wearing a damn corduroy blazer over a t-shirt.

If Satan were an idiot 3rd grader instead of a truly evil bastard.

The Voice tells them that Jacob has quit the game and announces to Alex that the viewers voted on whether or not he should stay.  Then it goes to commercial.  Assholes.

So we’re back.  We repeat The Voice telling Alex that viewers voted on whether or not they want him back.  Everyone is in great suspense when suddenly the platform begins its descent back into the ground.  YAY!  His face is hilarious.  He pouts like the little spoiled bitch he is.  Oh, hell.  The little spoiled baby back bitch he is.  I’m just so elated I won’t have to hear his stupid ass sayings or see his idiot smile anymore.

Go back to your parents’ mansion, you baby back bitch.  I’ll be waiting there with flowers and a ball kick.

The players hug and dance.  Ashley becomes more likeable as she does a celebratory running man.  I’m just waiting for him to come back up that tube, though.  You know how these shows work.

Go, Ashley!  Go, Ashley!  Go, go, go, Ashley!

Mike and Kevin go into the other room to figure out who might have voted for Erica, because clearly that person can’t be trusted.  Wow.  I’m actually pretty amazed at how honest and nice most of these players seem to be, of course I’m probably just being naive.  They know that one of the votes for Ashley would have come from Apollo and that it’s not out of spite or strategy.  They know that Alex probably voted for her, too.  They’re pretty sure it was Holly who voted for Erica, so they’re going to be watching her.

Sugarbush
About

Hi, there!  About me...well, let's see.  I like to think of myself as an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, shrouded in a mystery.  Sometimes my personality doesn't even reconcile in my own head.  I'm a really caring and sensitive person, but I have a dark, dry, sarcastic sense of humor which tends gives the impression that I have no soul.  I am married to a great guy who shares my sense of humor and we have a son who, both fortunately and unfortunately, has his mother's personality.   I'm an independent contractor who works from home and keeps the kid all day, everyday.  I've loved to write my whole life and have big, never-to-be-achieved dreams of one day writing a book.  My favorite past time is laughing, which is what brought me to this site.  I can laugh at almost anything, so beware.

19 Comments

  1. 1
    featherhead
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 5:07 pm

    Yo Holly if you’re gonna lie, at least have the knowledge to back it up. Dumbass! And the answer to who painted the sixteenth chapel is – probably the same company who painted the fourteenth and the fifthteen chapels….
    I don’t like Ali P he looks like Dr. Spock and everybody knows you can’t trust a Vulcan!

  2. 2
    ChaCha
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 5:09 pm

    I loved, loved, LOVED that Alex was totally rejected. Probably his first time–definitely won’t be his last. And just for sh!ts and giggles, I’m saving the photo of him going down the tubes to enjoy on my desktop for a while.

  3. 3
    featherhead
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 5:55 pm

    @ChaCha – the look on Alex ‘s face was priceless!! I floved Kevin ‘s impersonation of him – spot on.
    I’m starting to like this show!

  4. 4
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    Isn’t 16th chapel the same mistake Beiber made on Letterman? Way to go…

    Why not just say your a business major Holly? That’s easy to cover.

    Ali P you leave Gene alone! I like him. And really viewers you would vote Holly back in the house? Why?

    Has Ashley been on another show? She looks familiar

  5. 5
    Tadow
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 7:29 pm

    I haven’t seen this one yet and am still deciding whether or not I want to with Big Brother just around the corner. Since I haven’t seen it it’s entirely possible that I’m completely wrong, but could she have said the Sistine Chapel?

  6. 6
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    @Tadow – She meant the Sistine Chapel, but she said the Sixteenth Chapel pretty clearly. I listened a few times just to be sure.

  7. 7
    Chicken Lips
    Posted June 26, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    Actually, Holly probably does know who painted the Sixteenth Chapel – they should have asked her that. It was that one guy that did that thing on that one bridge, right?

  8. 8
    itchy itchy
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 6:46 am

    I just can’t get up the energy to watch this show. They should have stocked the pond with prettier people, is all I’m saying.

    But you people already know how shallow I am.

  9. 9
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 6:51 am

    @Sugarbush, totally unrelated to this show, but any Dorian Lord reference makes me a fan of your recaps for life. As a soap fan, putting her in the same

  10. 10
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 7:33 am

    @Itchy, no love for Holly? I thought about you when I saw her, but I wasn’t able to figure out if she had the fake boobies or not. (Not my strong point)

  11. 11
    itchy itchy
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    If she’s on a reality tv show, there’s a 75% chance they’re fake. But I’m just not interested in this show. It’s too much of clone of Big Brother, but even more half-assed. Just one show a week? And they get to leave on the weekends? What’s the point.

  12. 12
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    What?!? Leave on the weekends? So are they not sequestered?

  13. 13
    itchy itchy
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 4:06 pm

    Admittedly, I haven’t been paying much attention to this show. But from what I understood, they were allowed out of the Glass House on the weekends — whether it’s to be sequestered or not doesn’t really matter.

  14. 14
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 4:07 pm

    Wait…I’m not OK with this! They leave on the weekends? I think it’s not nearly as interesting if they aren’t stuck with each other 24/7.

  15. 15
    Miss Molly
    Posted June 27, 2012 at 5:15 pm

    I lost a bet to my friend – he said Holly would say either Dr. Phil or Dr. Oz. I went with Dr. Scholl.
    We actually started on the artist question – he said Warhol. I went with Draw Something.

    Apollo’s “card” strategy that I am sure he thought would be seen as brilliant … wasn’t. His trash talking of Gene was transparent and lame and desperate.

  16. 16
    Chris Velazquez
    Posted June 28, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Well, I’ll be the odd man out and admit it, in this episode I began to loathe that blonde bitch. Yeah, Holly may be a dumbass, but Erica can go suck on a corndog and choke on it. I abso-fucking-lutely HATE the type of raging bitches who go all “OMG, you’re like, such a bitch, I’m like, totally walking away from you right now because you are so not worth my time and totally important presence”. I hope she stumbles and crashes right through one of those glass walls and gets the broken shards so embedded in her skin that any light could turn her into a fucking disco ball.

  17. 17
    CynTV CynTV
    Posted June 29, 2012 at 9:32 am

    Okay – I just watched both GH in a row (that’s Glass House, not General Hospital). Alex looks like one of those faces that happens when you look at yourself in a distorted mirror. His eyes are freakishly open wide. I’ve never seen someone smile and talk with so many lower teeth showing! I don’t know how people can stand him back home. that being said – he will probably pop up on another reality/contest show. Ugh.

    Poor, poor Holly. It’s haaaard being so beautiful. And the Sixteenth Chapel – I thought I heard it wrong!!

    And if Gene DID throw the challenge…hmmm.

    finally – I can see that ABC is editing this show to within an inch of it’s life, desperately trying to find a likeable villain, goof, handsome guy, brainiac, etc. that’s why Ashley is getting a bum rap. She’s the ghetto bitch. Good job being racist, ABC. Please. I hate ABC. Except for Revenge and Once Upon A Time.

  18. 18
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted June 30, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    I’m late on reading recaps, so I’ll just post what I was thinking after reading the first show recap now, and then read THIS recap and comments. Thanks for the recaps, BTW…I so pity you :-(
    Thank JEEBUS Big Brother has nothing to worry about. This lame-ass show will never see its second season, as has been pointed out. I can’t wait for the REAL Big Brother to start.

    Cheesy as it s, I’ll watch it for the recaps. I like Stephanie (she’s nerdy-smart-hot…I really like that). I also dig Erica, the hilarious gay guy, the cop, Gene, and the older chick (I’ll learn names soon).

    Andrea (thanks @kczar) can shove Prop 8 where the sun don’t shine. NOW I have someone to really dislike, since douchnozzle is gone.

  19. 19
    Daniel
    Posted July 5, 2012 at 4:33 am

    I decided after the first episode to not watch this show because of Alex. Now that I read he actually did get eliminated, I’m thinking it might be worth watching this thing after all.

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