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Alright everyone, last week I said vulnerability was the best episode of the season, but considering that it was a bigger flop than John Carter, I’m pinning all my hopes on this one. Sexuality! If this show can’t create awkwardness, drama, cattiness, and entertainment out of a bunch of misfit, hormonally crazed young people fake-trying to get into each other’s pants, then there really is nothing to be done.
Things I Want To See in this Episode
1- Freak outs over having to portray a homosexual romance on-screen
2- Awkward accidentally groping by Blind Side
3- Someone having issues with being with Tyler because it’s unclear if he still has lady parts down there
4- People having no clue how to interact romantically with Wheelchair Barbie
5- The Generic Hotties making out with each other
6- Magic Carpet getting called out for the slut she is
If I get only one of those things, I’ll be a happy camper.
Also, it seems that Nellis and Generic Hottie 2 have emerged at the favorites at this point solely because they haven’t done anything to make people hate them yet. When your best contestants are only so because they’re the least offensive of the bunch, you know you’ve got a problem.
Charlie has a Jew-fro. He should stick to the beanie-look.
Robert announces the theme of the week, and is ANYONE surprised that Magic Carpet yells out “I was praying I would be here for this week!” I’m glad that Allah answered her prayers, only because I know her being there is going to turn this ep into a shitshow.
Nellis has never had sex or seen a guy naked. Hun, look at who you’re sitting with right now. You’re not alone. And of course, Generic Hottie 2 considers himself pretty experienced. He also thinks math is sexy (that’s his “quirky underdog” trait, apparently).
The HW song is “I Wanna Sex You Up.”
Yay, my favorite portion of the show! It’s the totally engrossing time when they pick the lines for the song! If you haven’t picked up on the sarcasm, I hate this part.
Lily thinks Magic Carpet pushes her sexiness too hard. Preach, sista. Abe went back to regular black hair. I think it suits him. Maybe it will also make his dancing less obnoxious.
Naya Rivera (Santana, the rockin’ lesbian bitch on Glee) is the guest mentor this week. Good choice, I think. She says sexuality is all about confidence.
Grade the HW
Shannanna- sings well, not particualry sexy though. B
Charlie- so far from sexy it’s sad. Maybe he thought the theme was “eagerness?” C-
Nellis- vocals are good, but she just sounds like how she usually does. B
Magic Carpet- I think she pushes the orgasm-vocals a bit much, especially at the end. I guess it’s sexy, though? In a Turkish mail-order bride kind of way. B+
Tyler- with his squeaky fem-voice, he just can’t do sexy. C
Blake- I gotta admit, his gaze is smoldering hot! Nellis is super uncomfortable with his closeness, and I love it. His nod at the end to Naya is pretty hilarious, too. A-
Generic Hottie 2- boring. As usual. Does he remind anyone else of a young Joseph-Gordon Levitt? Or am I nuts? C+
Wheelchair Barbie- her facial expression is the dirtiest thing in this song. B
Blind Side- he sounds like he is getting burned with a hot poker at the end. I don’t think that’s sexy. Also it makes Naya crack up. C+
Hold the phone, what is going on over here in this corner??