It wouldn’t be an episode of Glee without obsessing about Rachel, so off to dance class! Cassie July (Kate Hudson) is talking about the Tango – it’s sexy and hot. She makes Rachel – can I just say that I love that she calls Rachel ‘Schwimmer’ – sit out because she has no sex appeal.
Getting back to McKinley, Brittany goes into Emma’s office looking like a hot mess. She tells her and Schuester that she can’t wear her uniform anymore so she is in clothes from lost and found. I’ve got to say, that’s a pretty sweet ‘World’s Best Grandma’ shirt that she is rocking. I believe that this is the parallel to the Britney barefoot in a gas station bathroom era. After Brittany leaves, Emma decides that they need to bring Britney back.
Schuester tells them during Glee club that Figgins wants them to perform at the pep rally and that their new assignment for the week is Britney 2.0. To celebrate this, Artie and Blaine sing ‘If I was Your Boyfriend’ – wtf? I’m not sure how a Bieber song fits in, but what the hell. I would like to touch on the topic that is Unique. I get it – he’s sassy, he’s black, he’s a strong woman. I just get the vibe that he is the new Mercedes. And what kind of open enrollment policy does this school have? First Blaine, now Unique. Everyone who feels like it, just transfer to McKinley.
Next we get a very Mary Tyler Moore moment with Rachel and Kurt riding bikes around in a loft apartment. They decide to live there together and end up eating pizza while talking. Rachel asks Kurt if he has heard from Finn, but Kurt distracts her with the fact that he is applying to work at Vogue. Rachel mentions her new teacher, Cassie, and Kurt tells her a wonderful story about Ms. July. Turns out that Cassie was in a Broadway show, when some old guy’s cell phone went off. Cassie lost her shit and started screaming at him, with the whole thing being caught on tape.
Back in high school, Unique stops Marly and wants some girl talk. Marly likes Jake, but Unique is all ‘he’s a womanizer’. Cue the music. Unique, Marly and an angry Tina start singing the song ‘Womanizer’. Ok – they showed Jake talking to Tina. What the hell happened to Mike Chang. Are they done. Maybe she could go back to Artie. Maybe by the time I stop rambling, this damn song will be over.
Insecure Rachel hunts down Brody so she can ask him if she’s sexy. Finn who? Somehow this segues into Sam, Dreads and Tina singing some song that I am assuming is from Britney Spears. Either that or it’s from Sesame Street since they keep singing ‘One, Two, Three’ and talking about counting. During the song, Britney gets up and pulls clippers out of her bag. Why the hell does she even have clippers in her bag. Is she moonlighting as a hairdresser? Of course she tries to shave her head, but everyone stops her. Denied, she goes off after Jacob Israel (The kid that always wants to interview people) questions her. She ends up beating him with an umbrella while some random kid yells ‘leave Britney alone!’. I don’t think I even need to point out what Britney era this is from.