All right people, hang on to your seats because shit’s about to get real. Things are so off balance that we aren’t even going to start with someone walking down the hall.
Marly is in the cafeteria not doing a very good job of hiding her lunch tickets when Jake finds her. Do they still do lunch tickets? My kids are in elementary school and have a six digit number for their lunch money account. Couldn’t her mom just have the school credit her lunch account? Anyway, Jake is so compassionate, telling her that it sucks to be poor. I really hope that Jake doesn’t write greeting cards in his spare time, because that was a really lame. Meanwhile, Brittany and Blaine are watching them, remembering about the fun of starting relationships.
In New York, which is the furthest thing from Glee club that we can find, Kurt is making breakfast. Rachel comes in, complaining about being up late. Kurt is obviously blind to tension because he makes a crack about needing ear plugs. Rachel informs him that they didn’t do anything, just laid there. Finn comes in, Kurt makes an awkward exit. I’m sure you have all been on pins and needles wondering why Finn is there. Turns out that Finn shot himself in the leg while cleaning his gun (aptly named Rachel). Rachel wants him to find his way in New York and live happily ever after. How I long for the day that New York turns cruel and shits all over Rachel’s hopes and dreams.
Kurt calls Blaine, but puts him on hold. Kurt is upset because they never get to talk, but not enough to stay on the phone. Blaine is upset, which prompts our first song of the night. Singing along with Blaine, Finn is watching Rachel in dance class. They sing a moving rendition of ‘Barely Breathing’. At the end of the song, Blaine texts someone named Eli about coming over. Meanwhile, Kurt is trying to get Finn to wear a suit to go out in New York. Blaine shows up. I’m so confused – what happened to the text? Rachel is so happy because they are all together again, just like the good old days. You know – when they used to hang out at the Max.
At the bar, Rachel and Finn run in to Brody. Finn seems to be the only one that got the memo about the fact that this should be awkward. Brody wants them to sing a duet, but Finn suggests that he and Rachel sing a duet. They don’t think this is a bad idea at all and sing ‘Give Your Heart a Break’. It isn’t enough to shove their closeness in his face, but Finn is also having some flashbacks from the gunshot. I’ve never heard of someone have PTSD from shooting themselves. After Brody and Rachel are done, Blaine gets up to sing. He sings an acoustic version of ‘Teenage Dream’ that is so depressing they should have passed out razor blades before the performance. Cue the ugly breakups!