Hello, Gasmii. I need to do a bit of venting first in regard to Monday night’s episode. Now, I’m not too pissed off that Kimmie went home instead of Robyn. I thought neither of them should have stayed. However, I am pissed off that Gordon got my hopes up so high and then crushed them as soon as he told Robyn to get back in line. There should be a new rule on “Hell’s Kitchen.” If Gordon says, “The person leaving Hell’s Kitchen is…” the next name out of his mouth is the person going home whether he meant it or not. Who’s with me?
Monday would have been the best episode ever if that rule was in place.
Now that my rant is over, let’s get into Tuesday’s episode (trust me, there will be more ranting later). We start with the chefs back in the dorms. Robyn is crying because she almost got eliminated. I’m also crying because Robyn almost got eliminated. What is it going to take for her to be kicked off this show? I know that crazy people make good TV and are kept around just for that. However, a lot of those crazy people tend to be entertaining (think Jade from ANTM cycle 6). Robyn is just annoying. There is nothing entertaining about her!
Meanwhile, the red team is discussing the fact that they are now down to only three people. Christina makes a lot of sense when she says that sometimes fewer people on a team is better. Dana still thinks that it’s going to be too difficult with only three of them. Hey, Dana, there is a reason for that saying about too many cooks in the kitchen. Dana then goes on to complain about Barbie because of course she does. Dana really has become this season’s mean girl.
The Regina George of “Hell’s Kitchen.”
The next morning, the chefs are ready to redeem themselves. As a team, they will each have to cook three dishes from the regular menu. The catch is, they will be cooking relay style. Each chef will have five minutes in the kitchen and then fifteen seconds to explain what they’ve done to the next chef. The team with the most accurate dishes will win the challenge. Brian tells us that this should be easy. Then he sings a song about it. At this point, not too much surprises me when it comes from Brian.
Well, I am a little surprised he didn’t bust out the jazz hands.
Justin and Dana are starting off. They have to cook risotto, lamb, and cod. Dana knows that the first thing she has to work on is the lamb because it takes the longest time to cook. Justin realizes a little too late that the risotto is raw. Christina and Clemenza are up next. Clemenza decides to take his good old time putting his apron on. At one point he eve seems to be jumping rope with it.
Clemenza picked the worst time to try to get in shape.
Christina wishes that Dana had told her that the risotto was raw. Clemenza didn’t take much time to think about this. He’s blanching bok choy instead of working on the risotto. It’s time for Barbie and Brian to go into the kitchen. The blue team really seems to be stumped with this risotto. Dana and Robyn are in next. Robyn burns the cod. She tries to blame it on the pan being too hot. Well, Robyn, who set the heat for that stove?
There are ten minutes left. All Robyn tells Justin is that the risotto is almost done. That’s all she’s got. Justin tells us that Robyn is useless when it comes to communication. You might want to rethink that, Justin. I’m pretty sure Robyn is just useless at everything.
We get into the last five minute round. It’s Barbie vs. Clemenza. Both chefs have to finish the food and plate the dishes. That’s a lot of work to cram into five minutes. Justin is worried that Clemenza isn’t moving fast enough. Of course Clemenza is moving slowly. Just look at him!
Does anyone actually expect speed from this man?
It’s time for judging. First up, the risotto. Gordon doesn’t even have to taste it to know how bad it is.
Maybe he can spackle the ceiling with that.
Despite knowing exactly what would happen, Gordon tastes it anyway. The red team’s risotto is burnt. The blue team’s is raw. No one gets a point. Next dish is the cod. The blue team is missing the broth on the dish. The red team’s cod is raw. Again, no one gets a point. The lamb dish will determine the winner. Gordon spits out the blue team’s lamb. The red team’s lamb looks like it was sliced with a spoon. Gordon also spits this one out. For the first time in “Hell’s Kitchen” history, both teams lose. The winning team would have had a day at a private beach club in Malibu. Dana puts it best, “We’re making history because we suck!”
For once, I agree with Dana.
Both teams will spend the day doing hard labor. They will clean the front of Hell’s Kitchen as well as the SUVs. When the chefs head outside, they meet with James who shoes them the convertible they would have taken to Malibu. That’s some salt in the wound. A few minutes in and everyone on the blue team is telling Robyn to shut the fuck up. It’s nice to see that everyone hates her.
The chefs head back inside to start getting ready for that night’s dinner service. To inspire the chefs to do their very best tonight, Gordon is presenting them with a very special dish. He says they can smell it even before he opens it and Brian guesses “mint.” Yes, Brian. Gordon brought you mint to inspire you to cook better. Then Brian guesses that it’s a cake.
Please stop talking, Brian.
Brian was way off. Gordon lifts the dome to present the chefs with a black jacket. They will be competing to earn the honor of wearing one. With that, the dinner service starts. Clemenza seems off to a bad start. Gordon asks him how long until the spaghetti is done. Clemenza just seems to not hear him. I would imagine that ignoring Gordon is a bad idea. Also, I think spaghetti as an appetizer is a pretty bad idea. I always think of spaghetti as an entire meal and then leftovers for a few days!
In the red kitchen, Christina sends up her first risotto. It’s cooked wonderfully, but she made too much of it. Then Gordon catches her right before she puts the leftover risotto in with a fresh batch. She explains that she didn’t want to waste it, but Gordon tells her that the fresh batch and the old batch were at different stages. One was already cooked while the other was still under cooked. Get it together, Christina! I can’t have you getting kicked out before Robyn!
When you beat Robyn, I will consider it a personal favor.
Back in the blue kitchen, Clemenza is trying to cook five orders of risotto at once. He used three different pans to do this. As a result, each pan contains a different color of risotto. Gordon makes Clemenza’s teammates tell him “all in one pan” many, many times. Wait, could someone clear something up for me? If I’m cooking five orders of risotto, should I cook it all in one pan? I didn’t quite get that just now.
Barbie keeps asking Christina if she needs some help on the appetizers and Christina keeps turning her down. However, Barbie notices that one of the pans of risotto is burning, so she takes it off the burner and then starts it over. Christina seems pissed about this. Now, I’m the first one to get annoyed when someone helps me when I haven’t asked for help. However, if I am burning something and someone helps me, I’ll just say thank you.
On behalf of Christina, thanks, Barbie!
Then Christina brings up burnt risotto. Despite this one misstep, Christina bounces back. The red team is now onto entrees.
In the blue kitchen, Brian is slicing a New York strip steak. Is anyone actually surprised that he presents it to Gordon raw? Brian has definitely grown on me throughout this season. However, I don’t think that I’ve ever actually witnessed him not screwing up meat or fish. Maybe they should only let him make salads.
Gordon tells Robyn to clear the garnish off the plates. Justin then tells her to hold the sauce in the oven. Remember this. Gordon then notices Robyn putting all her garnish in the oven. When Gordon questions her, she explains that her team told her to put the garnish in the holding oven. When Gordon asks who told her this, Robyn starts screaming at her teammates that they all told her to do it. Just think back about a minute. Justin (not the whole team) told her to hold the sauce (not the garnish) in the oven.
And we all know Robyn never blames anyone else for her mistakes.
Justin interviews that Robyn is a “fucking idiot” if she puts spinach in the oven. You don’t really need the “if” statement there, Justin. Robyn is just a fucking idiot. Period. Robyn starts screaming at Justin that the red team does everything differently. Justin, rightfully, shoots back, “Who cares what the red team does? You’re not on the red team.” According to Robyn, the blue team does everything wrong.
This was the moment when Robyn lost “Hell’s Kitchen.”
Clemenza steps in and gets everyone to pull things together. Robyn is finally making fresh spinach. Then, for the first time all season, we see Justin royally screw up. Brian cooked fresh steak after he screwed up. However, Justin just reheated his sea bass for the same table. Robyn gets a good laugh in there. I have to admit, maybe Justin think next time he calls someone a fucking idiot. Then Robyn almost sets Gordon on fire.
Probably worse than burnt risotto.
Despite the ass chewing from Gordon, at least Justin can admit that he made a dumb mistake. He didn’t blame anyone else. He just said he wasn’t thinking and then started cooking some fresh bass. Robyn should be taking notes.
The red team is on their last ticket. Gordon tries to explain to Dana that it’s easier to cook three bass in one large pan than in three little pans. She thinks that there is no difference. I would imagine it would be easier to cook the bass when you don’t have to move as far from one to the next. It’s one of those small things that makes life much easier. It would also make my life easier if Dana would stop yelling when she talks to the camera.
Use your inside voice, Dana!
With that, the red team finishes their last ticket. However, the blue team is not doing nearly as well. They’re still on their first table. Brian slices into his New York strip steak and it’s still raw. Diners are even starting to walk out without being served. Over cooked Wellington sends Gordon over the edge. He has Barbie take over Brian’s meat station. Brian starts throwing a temper tantrum and says that he thinks Barbie is enjoying it. I’m sure she is. She knows that Brian has a better chance of going home than she does.
Once dinner is over, Gordon has the red team line up for a celebration. He gives each of them a black jacket. They even have a champagne toast right in front of the blue team. Robyn tells us that she can’t believe that the red team has three black jackets. Apparently Robyn wasn’t paying attention this episode.
Robyn really does live up to the “fucking idiot” title.
Then Robyn tells us that she should have stayed on the red team. Oh, Robyn. You know when the red team started being pretty awesome? It was when you left. Maybe you should realize that you are the problem. Gordon calls the blue team embarrassing. They need to decide on two people to be up for elimination.
Back in the dorm, Robyn calls Justin a liar. He simply rolls his eyes and moves on. That’s probably the best way to handle someone like Robyn. She then tells us that they’re “messing with the wrong crazy bitch.” After this episode, MamaPhilly called me and simply said, “You know, I agreed with Robyn tonight. She is a crazy bitch!” During this discussion, Robyn lives up to the “crazy bitch” title. It’s exhausting just trying to watch her.
Robyn votes for Brian and Justin to go home. Clemenza votes for Robyn and Brian. Brian votes for Robyn and Clemenza. Justin votes for Robyn and Clemenza. That still leaves a tie between Brian and Clemenza. Gordon is not happy that the blue team couldn’t even nominate two people like he had asked. As a result, all four chefs are up for elimination.
The phrase “epic fail” comes to mind.
It’s time for the chefs to defend themselves. Robyn says that she redeemed herself tonight. Once again, it’s obvious that she was not paying attention the entire episode. Brian says that he knows what he is capable of. Apparently, he is capable of not cooking meat properly…ever. Clemenza actually gives a good answer. He recognizes that he’s made mistakes and that he’s learned from them. When it’s time for Justin, I’m just hoping he’ll say, “There is no way that I’m the worst of these four.” He comes up with a canned answer about fighting every day.
Clemenza is ordered to take off his jacket. So is Justin. They both receive black jackets. Gordon tells them it’s not based on tonight’s service – it’s based on their past performances. Both Brian and Robyn are ordered to remove their jackets. Gordon says this is his most difficult decision. No it’s not! You should fucking send Robyn home! As if reading my mind, Gordon says, “Robyn, you’re time in Hell’s Kitchen…continues.”
MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!! Once again, Gordon is a cocktease at eliminations.
Clemenza made the same face I did at this moment.
With that, Brian leaves. Once again, I don’t disagree that it was Brian’s time to go. He’s really screwed up a lot this season. I just wish Gordon wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up (again) like that. Gordon makes Robyn promise that he will not regret his decision. I already regret his decision. Robyn tells us that there are only five more people standing in her way before she’s head chef at Gordon’s restaurant. I’m not so sure about that, Robyn – even if you do win. Just try a quick Google search on how the past winners have done.
So, that’s the end of the episode. It looks like there is some interesting drama next week. BlueCanary is going to have some interesting yelling to recap for you all!