Tonight’s menu includes Justin’s winning fillet mignon from the earlier challenge. There is also a special kids’ menu. As a treat, each child will receive a mini pizza appetizer. A pizza as an appetizer? To go with a cheeseburger? This is why America’s children are obese. Clemenza tells us that he grew up in a pizzeria, so he knows what he’s doing. No you don’t, Clemenza. We’ve already watched you screw up pizza this season. TVgasm doesn’t forget. I’ll give him credit for trying to entertain the kids by tossing the pizza dough. It’s pretty endearing. Thankfully, he proves he can actually make pizza on the first try!
On the red side, Gordon starts yelling at Tiffany for working slowly. She tells us that she really hates cooking for children and, because they don’t know what fine dining is, their opinions don’t matter to her. That may be so, Tiffany, but I bet their parents will have an opinion on how their children were treated. It’s probably not a good idea to think that ANY of your diners’ opinions don’t count.
Enjoy your dry bread and water.
Tiffany further proves her point by presenting a burnt pizza to Gordon. Is she really stupid enough to think that Gordon would allow burnt food to be served to ANYONE! She does know this man is a father, right? I’m thinking he wants the kids to be treated better than the adults!
Barbie tells us that she doesn’t know why Tiffany is even a chef. Tiffany just doesn’t seem to care about anything. Tiffany tells us that she’s had it with Barbie’s attitude. Maybe Barbie would have “an attitude” if she wasn’t cleaning up after you all the time, Tiffany. And no, Tiffany, Barbie doesn’t “think she’s God.” She thinks that she’s a chef who has a little bit of pride in her work. With that, Barbie serves perfect pizza. Tiffany then tells us that Barbie just isn’t good at cooking.
Says the woman who thought it was OK to serve burnt pizza.
In the blue kitchen, Brian is in charge of making the bellinis. For some reason, he starts spouting nonsense in Spanish. The first phrase translates to “Super Horsey is here.” Brian tells us that he likes to keep his kitchen light by doing a lot of funny voices and that the rest of the team loves it.
This is how much Justin loves Brian right now.
When Clemenza asks Brian to let him know when his dish is almost ready, Brian answers him in Spanish. Rightfully, Clemenza is pissed off by this. Brian tells us that he’s always wanted to make bellinis – ever since he was a little boy. That is a very strange dream for a little boy to have. When I was a kid, all I dreamed about was being a Power Ranger. After telling us his childhood dreams, Brian does this:
Do I earn back my Weight Watchers points if I throw up the food I ate?
Brian’s bellinis are immediately sent back because they are too small and they can’t be used for layering. Why does Gordon sound surprised that Brian is making simple things look difficult? I have a feeling Brian makes breathing look difficult. How has he survived this long in life being so stupid? Then comes the moment where Brian might actually get killed for his stupidity. He starts impersonating Gordon. It would probably be safer to cover your head in raw meat and take a nap in a tiger’s cage.
Gordon delivers the best line of the entire season: “I’ve got one big imitation. Try imitating being a fucking chef for two minutes.” I think I just fell in love! After serving adequate bellinis, Brian is told that he needs to be serious or “fuck off.” The kids in that dining room are going to have a whole new vocabulary once dinner is over.
This is how I feel whenever Brian talks.
Meanwhile, in the red kitchen, Tiffany is sucking just as badly as Brian did with the bellinis. When Dana tries to help Tiffany out by telling her that the bellinis don’t seem to be up to par, Tiffany just shoots back a “who cares?”. Your teammates care, Tiffany. I bet the diners care as well. Barbie then tells us that the only thing she’s ever seen Tiffany passionate about is a cigarette. I’m sure it’s a huge surprise to everyone when the bellinis are sent back for inconsistency. Tiffany interviews that she doesn’t want help and she’s had it with Barbie. Maybe if she tried being competent, she wouldn’t need people to clean up after her. When Barbie is complimented for her bellinis, Tiffany starts to boil over.
While the red team is busy fighting, the blue team has hit their stride. They’re turning out appetizers quickly and efficiently. It’s time for them to start serving the entrees. Patrick knows that it’s time to show Gordon he “means business.” He probably should have been doing that all along. Patrick’s steak is then set back for not being seared. Gordon even says it looks boiled.
You mean boiled meat ISN’T on the menu?