Hell’s Kitchen Recap: Cooking and Craps

Even Gordon doesn’t know what Robyn is thinking with that choice, and I’d like to just take a wild guess and suggest that thought doesn’t much come into play where Robyn is concerned. Brian rolls an E and can’t think of a damn thing, so he finally picks edamame, because that seems more sensible than eggs or endive, or eggplant, or even eel. Jesus Christ. I guess edamame will go with the daikon, at least. Royce rolls a C, and picks chicken, which is the first sensible thing he’s done all season. That meal is going to be interesting, if nothing else.

It doesn’t matter how hard you wish she’d disappear, Brian; you’re stuck with Robyn for the foreseeable future.

Tiffany rolls a C and picks…chicory? Good god. Barbie is more sensible and picks some lamb to go with her L. Kimmie’s T nets them turnips, and Dana gets Brussels sprouts. Christina caps that off with truffles. Since Barbie was smart enough to anchor that protein early, the others were able to complement it accordingly. I’m not sure what was up with the chicory, but that’s Tiffany for you, and they’ll be able to work with it. The Blue team is super fucked, and not just based on their ingredients. Not only do they now have Robyn with whom to contend, but when one of the only useful choices came out of Royce’s mouth, that indicates a larger problem.

Surprisingly, I actually liked this challenge, because it involved a level of participation from the chefs beyond just pulling a lever or tackling some random livestock. Also, it’s a straight-up contest between two dishes, not a point here, point there challenge designed to generate fake suspense. Plus, with everyone working on different components of the same dish, it forces them to work together and cuts down on the cattiness. I know that’s one of the things we like about this asylum of a show, but there does need to be a balance. The show can’t be nothing but personal problems, or it gets boring.

Speaking of problems, Barbie is all over the kitchen, and Dana is getting nervous about the lamb. She says it needs to be seared immediately in order to cook properly within the allotted time, but Barbie insists she’s got a handle on things. Barbie has been on and off this season in her consistency, despite being pretty much on lately, so we’ll see. She’s already got some inexplicable target on her back; if she blows this easy win for the team because she can’t focus, they’ll descend on her like harpies.

Since we can’t go more than an episode without Brian opening a KOA in his pants, we’re treated to plenty of moaned details about his newfound lust for dragonfruit. Apparently, when Robyn sliced into it, the universe aligned. He wants to do some sort of sushi roll with it. Best of luck. Please do stop dry humping the ingredients, Brian, for the love of little green apples.

Maybe I could have phrased that better, all things considered.

The cooking part of the challenge is over pretty fast, and they present to Gordon. The Red team has an herb-crusted rack of lamb with roasted Brussels sprouts and that other stuff. Gordon expresses deep love for Barbie’s lamb, but says Dana’s sprouts are a letdown. Barbie wonders if this could possibly be a result of Dana being all up in her lamb business instead of focusing on her component of the dish. The Blue team’s crazy-ass meal gets points for the use of the Asian veggies, but the chicken is all screwed up, because they let Royce handle it and he cut it too early. In the end, it doesn’t matter, though, because they actually won! Wow, Dana must have really screwed the pooch on those sprouts. Gordon sends the Blue team to Vegas to stay in a high roller suite in The Paris, future site of GORDON RAMSAY STEAK. That’s a damn sight better than any challenge prize so far, and the Red team is PISSED. Kimmie is actually crying. They basically had this one in the bag until Dana fucked up, and now they have to stay up all night and slow roast some pulled pork. Dana feels that everyone should just get over it. Isn’t that the usual reaction we get from the person who’s at fault? Dana’s the first to yell when someone else screws up, but when she’s the one flushing a Vegas getaway down the drain, it’s no biggie. I think Robyn did the same thing a couple episodes ago. Does no one apologize on this show? Okay, yeah, that’s a dumb question.