Hell’s Kitchen Recap: Donkey Balls

Recaps

By BlueCanary | Thursday, June 21, 2012 | 12:04 am | 12 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Hell's Kitchen, Recaps

James is dressed like a Mexican stereotype, the mariachi band is ready for a night of authentic Mexican music, and the doors open to admit a bunch of white people. Barbie immediately abuses the mussels, and Danielle has to step in and help her. Guy isn’t doing any better, serving up both warm and cold tuna, when the tuna should be room temperature. He finally gets that right, and Barbie has likewise gotten it together, so both kitchens get the appetizers out without further incident.

Of course this can’t continue, and Dana puts some fish and meat on the same plate, which just sends Gordon into a frenzy.

“I didn’t do it.” –Everyone

No one will admit to it, which is hilarious, because it’s meat and fish, for fuck’s sake. Own up and move past it, people. Gordon wants to know if it was a ghost whodunit. Finally, Kimmie takes the blame and kicks everyone else off the meat station, but she and Dana keep yelling at each other until Tiffany tells everyone to shut the hell up. I’d feel worse for what Tiffany has to listen to if she wasn’t sort of responsible for the whole bad juju between them in the first place.

Guy continues to fuck up, ruining some meat, and Gordon yells at Patrick for not keep Guy’s leash on tight. Okay, I’m going to go ahead and call Patrick in the top two right now. He’s probably already signed the contract for Gordon Ramsay Steak. I just can’t think of any other reason Gordon has assigned him responsibility for everyone on his team if he didn’t want him to start practicing.

Don’t worry, Patrick, everyone has a derp face moment now and then.

There is RAWR pork in the Red kitchen, which is apparently the ultimate insult. Way to go, Danielle. Not that things are going better in the Blue kitchen. There’s more Guy/Patrick drama with some sliced steak, and he kicks them both out of the kitchen. Patrick is crying, like literally sobbing in his commentary. This failure thing is a new experience for him. It’s okay, Patrick, you’re not going anywhere. Guy fucked up worse than you, and Danielle has just gotten herself kicked out for more RAWR pork. Ditto for Justin and Clemenza. There are now almost more Blue team members in the back than in the kitchen, and Barbie and Tiffany join them posthaste for using a meat thermometer and burned potatoes, respectively. Burned chicken skin sends Royce back, and it’s only Brian and Roshni left in the Blue kitchen. Gordon swears on his children’s lives that they need to finish that goddamn table, and somehow they do it. Gordon almost seems disappointed that he doesn’t get to kill them. Do you feel redeemed now, Brian? Will you be shutting up?

“This dish towel is not as simple and sexy as I’d like. Because I like to bring it. The simplicity. And sex.”

The Red kitchen powers through it, and service actually gets finished, but Gordon is pissed. There’s more drama about the steak and fish on the same tray, and Gordon asks Patrick if he’s tired. Patrick says no. I say the correct answer would have been “yes, I’m tired of trying to lead to victory a bunch of morons who couldn’t sauté their way out of a fucking paper bag,” but it doesn’t matter. Gordon shames him in front of everyone and declares both teams to be wall-to-wall losers. Like that’s news. Both teams are dismissed to pick their nominees.

At Royce’s suggestion, everyone on the Blue team throws Patrick to the wolves and agree to nominate him and Guy. It’s not a happy scene, but there’s no yelling, which is more than I can say for the Red team. When Kimmie suggests nominating Barbie, Barbie argues, Kimmie starts yelling, and everyone just gets all grouchy. Robyn nominates Danielle for the pork snafu, and Dana drags Christina and Danielle into the bedroom to solidify their alliance. Things are getting all RW/RR Challenge up in here.

Pages: 1 2 3 4

BlueCanary is as unorthodox a blend of optimistic and bitter, laid-back and anxious, motivated and straight up lazy tas one is likely to meet outside an unspecified institution. She spent the past decade holding a variety of job titles, including reporter, tech writer, production manager, and administrative assistant (the go-to job in this economy for folks who just HAD to get that English degree). She is currently living under the tiny yet powerful thumb of an awesome, pint-sized little dude, who wets himself and can't form full sentences (read: stay at home mom). Another tyrannical little thumb is gestating in her womb. She is a regular on The Neutral Corner podcast and blogs at www.mamamuzzle.com. 

Blue's as-yet-unpublished YA novel, The Nature of Echoes, is currently a Quarterfinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. If you'd like to check it out, a free excerpt is available to download at http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Echoes-ABNA-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3XFQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363378599&sr=1-1&keywords=eva+gibson+abna.

12 Comments

  1. 1
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Didn’t Patrick say he was going to take the lead on the blue team when Gordon was yelling at them a couple of episodes ago? I assumed that’s why Clemenza has that stick up his ass about Patrick not actually doing anything to guide the team and Gordon keeps hectoring him about blue team going pear shaped.

  2. 2
    timgunnssister timgunnssister
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 10:20 am

    I just howl everytime I hear Gordon scream “RAWR!”. It’s too hilarious. And what was up with the drunken Tiffany gossiping? She can’t tell the difference between Royce and a woman? Any woman? How drunk was she? Or is she just a pot stirrer?

  3. 3
    Laura Gill Laura Gill
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 11:53 am

    I went to school with girls like Tiffany–a bunch of mean-spirited, gossipy, good-for-nothings.

    What I have an issue with is how the producers ply the winning-challenge teams with liquors every single episode. Is there no option for non-alcoholic drinks? And why does Ramsay have to stop the line and call everyone over to see yet another RAWR scallop?

  4. 4
    BlueCanary
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 12:06 pm

    Laura, haven’t you noticed the ultra classy powerade, drunk out of wine glasses? Those always crack me up. It does seem like everyone is always loaded, but I just assume that’s how they are normally, and they’ve been offered water and stuff but turned it down. I think I remember Barbie drinking water at one of the lunches, but I’m not sure.

    Vallegirl, you’re right about that, but leading a team is one thing, and micromanaging is another. If Clemenza can’t chop herb garnishes without his hand held, that’s a problem. That’s said, it’s not like this crowd is the best example of how things run in a real kitchen, so I’m all for ten getting screamed at for whatever reason.

  5. 5
    BlueCanary
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 12:08 pm

    Timgunnssister, I think the smell of douche wafting off Royce might have confused drunk-ass Tiffany to the point where she assumed he was a lady. It makes as much sense as anything else.

  6. 6
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    I am feeling better and better about Barbie slipping through – not being “in an alliance” can sometimes secure your safety. Especially when even Gordon can see she wasn’t the weakest link. I mean seriously, yes she screwed up – but she got kicked out of the kitchen for using a thermometer! I was pretty sure that Gordon was on a roll, and actually didn’t mean to say “out, Out, OUT!”…but it had already come out of his mouth…

    The meat/fish on the same platter – yes, Dana dropped the meat. Kimmie TOLD HER, TOO. Dude – both of you just fess up. Standing around looking stupid just looks…STUPID.

    Agreed about Patrick, it’s pretty early to start giving that kind of responsibility and holding him to it… He’s also growing on me, though. So we’ll see!

  7. 7
    Chris Velazquez
    Posted June 21, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Tiffany’s loyalties lie in the nearest bottle of booze, cause the way she acts and looks, bitch has gotta be wasted most of the damn time. You seen those glazed over eyes? I’ve seen fish in a freezer look more alert and lively than this walking wastebasket.

  8. 8
    Chicken Lips
    Posted June 23, 2012 at 9:37 am

    I loved the “cane and denture cream” (or “denture cream and cane” – I can’t remember the order) line! I’m going to add that to my “and I tell kids to get off my lawn” repetoire. =)

  9. 9
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    For some reason, I just can’t get into Hell’s Kitchen this year.

    Normally, I don’t get that “m’eh” about it until the last couple of episodes (when I stop watching and just read the recaps).

    This year, though, every episode feels like I’m slogging through it. Guess I’m tired of the formula.

    The up side is that I’m watching the hell out of Masterchef.

  10. 10
    SuburBint
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    @Jimbob Jones — Really, how many times can one watch a group of over-confident numbskulls undercook risotto, burn scallops, attempt to serve raw poultry and/or pork to the unsuspecting public, etc., before it becomes completely boring? No matter how they attempt to liven things up with different theme nights, challenges, etc., it’s been the exact same show for the past 92 seasons, and even the “new” cast are just the same old contestants in different skin. I think its the restaurant/dinner service format that makes it so stale, because shows like Top Chef and MasterChef follow the same pattern every season as well, yet they remain interesting to watch. I think if the contestants had more autonomy it might perk things up a bit, instead of the same old tired, failed Wellingtons in every episode.

  11. 11
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    How about they at least change the core menu. Get rid of the scallop appetizers, the risotto, and the Wellingtons. On the other hand, maybe they keep those on the menu strictly because they can count on their “chefs” to royally screw up on those things every single service.

  12. 12
    JimbobJones Jimbob Jones
    Posted June 25, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    @SuburBint and CrankyGuy — I think one of my big issues is the “every challenge is tied” crap. It hasn’t been suspenseful since Season One. That and the voting who goes up serves no purpose whatsoever since GR will just pick who he wants anyway.

    Maybe if they’d go to a more “Top Chef” format (where some challenges could actually be blowouts) it would be better.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.