Hell’s Kitchen Recap: Finale, Part End

At last, it comes to this: The final cook-off between this season’s stars, Justin and Christina. Last week, America expressed its complete lack of surprise when Dana was sent home, but we didn’t even get an entire episode without her—she was right back here at the end of all the Vegas bullshit, picked first for Christina’s team, and in this final episode, she proves that Gordon knew damn well what he was doing sending her home.

After the teams are picked, everyone returns to LA, where Justin and Christina immediately catch heat. Clemenza spends the organizational meeting acting like a shit, and over on Christina’s team, everyone complains because her menu selections are haaaaaaard. Shut up, bitches, this is why you’re not in the final two. The season’s recap clips focus heavily on the Red team drama and the Blue team ineptness, with some wonderful Gordon tantrums thrown in for nostalgia’s sake. I can’t stand Robyn, but I have to say, things did get a bit boring after she left. The girl does know how to crazy up a kitchen, that’s for sure. But yay, we get to see Barbie and Patrick again! Am I alone in my Patrick fandom?

I swear, aside from the weeping, he just makes me grin.

Once we’re done reliving the season, the episode picks up where it left off, with Justin and Clemenza arguing over why it doesn’t matter that Clemenza is upset; he needs to work with everyone else, regardless. Turns out, he’s bitter not only because he was picked last for the teams, but because he didn’t make it to the final two. Well Clemenza, maybe you should’ve hustled that ass a little faster, mopped the grease off your face, stopped fucking up so badly on a regular basis, and maybe learned to cook a scallop or two in the 87 dinner services in which you participated. Feel free to take that up with Gordon if you don’t agree. He generously informs Justin that he’s decided to stay, though, showing what a big and forgiving heart he has.

The morning of the service, the teams gather to meet, but Clemenza is AWOL—he’s squatting in the kitchen, talking to himself about wanting to go home. Dude, why the fuck are you even there? Was it involuntary? Are the final five required to return, or did he volunteer and now regrets it? Justin has to go collect him. If he starts this in the kitchen, Justin should just stuff him in the wellington oven. Don’t be such a crybaby, Clemenza.

Justin is prepping that kitchen like a robot, barking orders at everyone and getting awesome Barbie faces in response. Christina is being very nurturing in her kitchen, though, and is determined to have fun. She even says she doesn’t want them calling her Chef that night. Will that fly with Gordon? And I wonder how long that fun, buddy mentality is going to last once Robyn or whoever starts ruining the food.