Hell’s Kitchen Recap: Finale, Part End

Justin’s team is on the last table as well, but when Barbie overcooks the meat twice and runs out of ribeyes, Justin is torn between murder and suicide. He has James check to see if they can substitute a filet for the ribeyes, and that flies, so he yells at Barbie to get on that. She turns them out perfectly, and both kitchens finish their last tickets without further incident.

But we do get a Barbie face, so the episode is not a complete bust!

Gordon lines them up and congratulates them on an amazing service, then informs them he’s changing things. For the first time ever, he’s decided to say fuck it to the whole two-door, the winner is behind the unlocked one gimmick, because he’s already decided on a winner. Is he just going to shout it out right there? That would be anti-climactic. Then he says the winner is Tavon. Aw, that’s just mean, dragging Tavon’s sorry ass back into this. Of course that’s a joke, and Gordon high fives them and they all laugh. Assholes. He tells them to go upstairs and he will summon them when he’s ready. Everyone is dismissed, and Gordon goes to tally the comment cards and weigh the pros and cons. We get a montage of the season’s tripumphs and tragedies, which I think should’ve been replaced by footage of Gordon reaming Dana and the others who screwed up the service. I guess it doesn’t really matter anymore, but that would’ve been fun to watch.

So who will it be? Will Gordon hand over GORDON RAMSAY STEAK to a mere woman, or a bro with a rattail? He calls and tells them to get their asses to his office. They comply, and he tells them he was very impressed. He’s never met a more passionate chef than Christina, and Justin’s palate is an extraordinary gift. He knows they will both be successful, and tells them to step up to the doors. So I guess he was lying before, and we have to do the big dramatic presentation. They each grasp their handle, but only one of them turns, and it’s…

CHRISTINA!! 

Who says women can’t cook? See, all that time barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen has to count for something, right? Suck it, patriarchy! 

She practically falls through the doorway, and everyone goes berserk and cries and hugs, even Justin and Gordon. I’m waiting for Gordon to rip the jacket off Justin and slam it onto that hook right then and there, but he doesn’t. He does give him a good cuddle, though, and in a dimly lit room, to boot.

Who’s the real winner now, Christina?

Justin is a good sport, and gets hugs from his family. Justin says if he had to lose to anyone, he’s glad it was Christina. Christina is beside herself, and Scott sprays everyone with champagne. Then we gets some clips: Robyn dancing, Gordon telling Brian that he’s a great cook when his head’s in the game, but he’s a nightmare when it isn’t; Brian and Barbie and Kimmie dancing, Royce dancing, everyone dancing, and Brian in his undies.

Totally necessary, I’m sure.