Hell’s Kitchen Recap: Lord please don’t let Chef bust my balls

31 Comments

1. 1
   AmyOops
   Posted March 15, 2013 at 5:13 pm

   Woo hoo! It’s finally back. I’ve been commenting in various places about how much I miss this insane trainwreck with my favorite celebrity chef!

   “Oh Gasmii, what a treat. Hell’s Kitchen is back!”

   And I love love LOVE that you love the show, too! Off to finish reading…

2. 2
   cattyfan
   Posted March 15, 2013 at 6:41 pm

   Why don’t they practice their “signature dishes?” For the same reason the majority of them don’t practice making risotto, scallops, sea bass, and beef wellington. They’re idiots.

   G-Ram’s odd hostility toward JP makes me uncomfortable.

   I think the new rule for the kitchens should be that the cook who wrecks something has to eat it. Perhaps that would cut down on all the ruined dishes…except in the case of someone like Jeremy.

   And for the record, if a chef is throwing up, I probably don’t want him preparing my food just in case it’s contagious.

3. 3
   speegee
   Posted March 15, 2013 at 7:44 pm

   Yeah shout out! I LOVE HK! I actually love all things Gordon Ramsay. I record Kitchen Nightmares, Cookery Course, Great Escape, Master Chef, Hotel Hell and even an episode of Top Gear. But Hell’s Kitchen is one of my favorites because it’s just so ridiculous. I miss the old days where G-Ram interacted with the contestants more (besides shouting). He doesn’t go with them on the reward outings as often and generally seems more detached. If I could beam myself back in time, I’d audition for season one or two just so I could hang out with G-Ram and try to make him laugh. Well, first I’d learn to cook a ding dang risotto and a wellington and THEN I’d audition. Haha I am with you NP, how do these people even think about being on this show without perfecting the menu items that have been featured since 2005? Seven years is enough time to learn how to cook a scallop.

   I’m loving Nedra and Mary and I think Cyndi might be pretty cool too. I’m sad Danielle is from my home town because she’s the worst. \Head chef of a hot dog stand,\ couldn’t say it any better. And Gina is clearly 50 shades of cray but that’s going to be fun to watch so I hope she manages to squeak by in the kitchen for awhile.

   On the blue team, for some reason I like Anthony, although I can’t remember why, and I’m rooting for Ray because I like old guys. And Zach rocked it and also seemed to be very level-headed so I like him. Jeremy sucks. I hate him. I’m not sure if I’m ready for him to go yet because I enjoy hating him so maybe they’ll lose some more boring people first, but he sucks. He is dumber than a pre-schooler. I’m also not very excited about the guy with the HK mohawk.

   I think I’ve seen sous chef James on Kitchen Nightmares before. You know when the chef is so inept that G-Ram has to call in an actual professional to teach him how to do his job so he doesn’t bankrupt the owner? Yeah I think James was the professional. But I can’t really remember. Anyone else?

4. 4
   AmyOops
   Posted March 15, 2013 at 8:40 pm

   What a damn fine recap, NP!

   I’m especially delighted with your comments at the end. Gordon is SO in on the joke and the show is just plain fun.

   I like Zach a great deal, too. And DISlike Jeremy. I hope like hell Nedra and Gina stick around long enough for some dramaz! Team-At-Least-For-The-First-Episode-Because-I-can-Be-Wishy-Washy-Nedra!

   PS Is Gina Robin’s mom, cuz there’s something similar going on!?

5. 5
   Debbie
   Posted March 15, 2013 at 8:44 pm

   These people remind me of Survivor contestants who can’t swim!

6. 6
   cattyfan
   Posted March 16, 2013 at 8:09 am

   Or the Amazing Race contestants who don’t bother learning to drive a standard transmission.

7. 7
   WishICouldDance
   Posted March 16, 2013 at 9:37 am

   Excellent recap and thanks for the names & pics – some of these folks weren’t exactly memorable while others I simply WISH I could forget!

   100% agreement on the whole signature dish/risotto thing – before I even tried out for the show I would be able to do risotto in my sleep and scallops and Wellington AND my family would cringe at the thought of eating my signature dish for the millionth time! Do they really not watch the show? Do they think they’ll be \different\ or \special\ and not have to do these dishes?

   And as for poor Danielle, I’m pretty sure even Burger King has a brigade set-up – ok, maybe calling the fry guy, burger guy and drink guy a brigade might be a stretch but… I think they’d get the concept and manage better than Danielle did! As my gran would say, Bless her heart.

   And AmyOops, it had taken me this long to get the horror of Robin out of my mind and you had to go put it back. While you have a valid point, I am now traumatized by the thought that Gina might be similarly kept around for entertainment value. Gina scares me and not in a \she’s good, I gotta up my game!\ way but rather in a \who thought giving this person sharp knives was a good idea?\ way.

   Keep up the great recaps! It promises to be a fun season – at least in recap land! ; D

8. 8
   timgunnssister
   Posted March 16, 2013 at 11:13 am

   Zach = Forest Whittaker. Love them both.

   And Nedra speaks her mind. As for culinary student Andrea (? I think that’s her name) and the hand under the chin photo – did anyone else wonder if she was also doing ‘pretty feet’? ‘Cause I think I see a cupcake dress in her past.

   Gina’s gonna get killed in her sleep. By that psycho puppet.

   And I love that Gordon’s in on the joke. I mean the whole joke – do these guys really think one of them will run his pub? And the bit with JP was just so staged and weird.

9. 9
   timgunnssister
   Posted March 16, 2013 at 11:16 am

   Oy Not Andrea the student. Jessica the tornado. Turnado. Turnip. Whatever.

10. 10
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    Even though his entry and Gordo’s treatment of him is weird (because they’re friends and have worked together forever), I’m so happy that JP is back. The other maitre’d was okay, but JP is my favorite. He’s like a little Belgian penguin man in a fine Italian suit. It’s hard to resist that kind of adorableness.

    Jeremy is such an irritating person. You can just tell that he’s one of those folks who make these big speeches about how they’re gonna do awesome and fight to the finish blah blah blah, but then they just continue to fuck up. And his teeth seriously bother me…they look like they belong in Rocco’s Modern Life.

    @speegee, if you think Danielle repping you is bad, just know that Gina is from my hometown. Home borough. Whatever.
    Shame does not even begin to describe the feeling.

    And NP, I have to admit I was a tad bit nervous when I saw that BlueCanary wasn’t gonna be recapping this season, but this was fabulous. The caption with the cursing puppet made me choke on my water, and you made some really great points on product placement and stuff. Even though that episode of PR did actually make me buy that two in one candle.
    And I agree that it’s awesome that you actually love and know the show. I’m so excited to have you for the season!

11. 11
    AmyOops
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    @WishICouldDance: I do apologize for contributing to the decline of your mental stability by mentioning Robin, howEVER, you must similarly now accept responsibility for MY mental decline by making me realize they just may keep Gina around until the elusive black coats come out, as happened with Robin [shudder!]

    @tgs: Astute observation, as usual…Gordon wouldn’t let these culinary jokes wash his restaurant’s DISHES, let alone run the place (even though I admit some of these freaks DO seem to have real talent). I’m sure they all realize by now the true prize is the “in lieu of”, whatever that may be this season.

12. 12
    AmyOops
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 12:47 pm

    @chaos, we were apparently commenting at the same time (great minds think alike lol), and you made me realize I’d forgotten to mention how glad I am to have JP back! Although I agree with @tgs that his entrance was whackadoodle. Must have been a bit or stunt gone awry?

13. 13
    WishICouldDance
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 1:41 pm

    AmyOops, I hang my head in shame and accept full responsibility for going there. I just couldn’t seem to stop myself. I sincerely apologize for dragging your mental stability along with mine on this downward spiral. :” (

    The one and only bright side to having Gina & her puppet show up on my TV every week? I judge myself to be a sane, competent, worth-while human being in comparison! I can proudly say to my children, ” I may have embarrassed you in the past but at least I never went on national TV and shamed not only our family but our entire town, city and state! It could be much, MUCH worse! “.

    That’s my story & I’m sticking to it!

14. 14
    NouveauPoor
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 2:20 pm

    Hi guys! Thank you so much for the love. I’m really new around here and it means a lot!

    @cattyfan – The JP thing weirds me out too. I almost included a pic of Gordon snapping a ticket out of JP’s hand with the snotty look on his face. It’s almost like Abby and Candy Apple Cathy, who I guess are really close in real life – like they tell them to act like they hate each other but it’s awkward because they don’t at all.

    Also re: the post-puking cook, isn’t it so screwed up that I sort of missed that altogether? I think I’m jaded from the time I *did* spend in restaurants. I saw so many things go on in that kitchen that I think I just sort of expect grossness. We probably would have even served the risotto Ray dug into. Needless to say I don’t eaat out much. (But mostly that’s because I’m poor.)

    @speegee (and everyone really) – I only ever got into Hell’s Kitchen but that’s mostly because I don’t watch much tv. Also, I missed seasons 8-10 so I’m pretty out of the loop. Like I never knew JP left. So please feel free to keep me informed on things I missed. I’m going to have to go find this Robin character.

    @WishICouldDance – Oddly I met my neighbors for the first time last night and they both work in fast food so I asked them about the brigade system and while they weren’t at all familiar with that term, the places they work are definitely set up that way. Isn’t everything now, really? Henry Ford Assembly Line Style?

    So it turns out there’s a months long waiting list to go eat at the G-Ram Pub and Grille at Caesars, but I have a good friend who’s working on pulling some string so we can go. THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME!!!!!!! And I fully intend on reporting back just who I see in the kitchen. Cross your fingers!!!

    This same friend is actually from England and he has a crazy BAD opinion of our Chef Ramsay! Apparently like 80% of the restaurants he “helped” in England (where the show started before it came here) went out of business. Isn’t that nuts? According to EnglishFriend, he takes over smaller places, turns them into Ramsay restaurants, and then clears out when the novelty is over. That’s where JP has been!

    That’s all totally unconfirmed and I hate that he’s skewed my love for GR slightly, but I thought it was an interesting take. Also G-Ram was a goaltender when he was a footballer in England and EnghshFriend says he wasn’t very good? So the whole slandering of his name could just be tied up in the craziness that is an English “Football” Fan.

    Oh and @chaosbutterfly – I was nervous that BlueCanary is on hiatus too!!!!!!! I’m sure glad she plans to still give us her insight. (I just read her bio and she and I have a LOT in common!) Bur since this is my first full-time show, seriously thanks for the feedback!

    See you soon!

    -NP

15. 15
    WishICouldDance
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    Oh!! NP, please reconsider!!!
    Gosh. I’m just gonna go ahead and apologize right now. If you were lucky enough to have missed the whole Robin situation, I feel really awful for putting the curiosity into your head. It was…. BAD! Delusional is a great word but inadequate for describing her. Not sure I can find the proper description? Bat-sh!t crazy isn’t quite it either. AmyOops? Help me out here before NP joins us!

16. 16
    cattyfan
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 3:19 pm

    Robin was scary…in appearance, in temperment, in personality…in every way imaginable.

17. 17
    NouveauPoor
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    Ha ha ha the first recap I clicked on started with a picture of Robyn captioned “Later, bitch!” Maybe it’s a sign…

18. 18
    FlorDeLiz
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    What a great recap! I can see that you took notes from J-Mo! Loved it! Keep up the great work, NP! Thank you!

19. 19
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    ^ I hope you savored that, because it’s gonna be all downhill from there.

    Honestly, I think you should turn back now while you have the chance.
    No one ever needs to know about Robyn.

20. 20
    AmyOops
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 6:16 pm

    Oh shit I hope I’m not too late @WICD! Turn back! Turn back NP! It was a sign!! A sign I tell ya!!!! Don’t risk being scarred for life…she is just not worth it!

21. 21
    WishICouldDance
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 8:53 pm

    Ahhhhhhh! I am being punished!! I am cursed!!! Must find remote!! Must change channel!!

    You will NOT believe who is on my TV right now! YES!!! It is Robyn!!! They are re-showing the Fashion Show episode on my local Fox and THERE SHE IS!!! Right there with Kimmie!! Oh, the horror!

    I AM SO SORRY!!! I am being punished for even mentioning her name! But…. AmyOops started it!!

22. 22
    sagittariuskim
    Posted March 16, 2013 at 10:02 pm

    There is no way I would share a room with Gina. As soon as that puppet came out I would have moved to the couch.

23. 23
    NouveauPoor
    Posted March 17, 2013 at 6:59 am

    @timgunnister I can’t stop thinking about the pretty feet!!! When I found the gasm, I pride myself for having finished ALL of DearCrabby’s T&T recaps over a 3 week span (sometimes unemploymenr can have is advantages) and I’m all about T&T now. And I think you’ve solved the mystery of why it took so sooooooooooo long for Jessica to cut the lamb; she was clearly trying to maintain her pretty feet!

    But seriously 4 minutes?!?

24. 24
    AmyOops
    Posted March 17, 2013 at 4:12 pm

    Aaahhhhhh WICD! I had actually forgotten all about Kimmie! My head! The memories! Quick…I need some eye bleach, er, memory bleach…memory eraser! That would come in handy, for sure.

    Oh, and we’re now even – you got me back with Kimmie!

25. 25
    WishICouldDance
    Posted March 17, 2013 at 5:51 pm

    :” ( I’m really sorry but I was lonely in my suffering. And just imagine how bad MY night was – I had, not only my memories but both of…. THEM in living color on my tv. It was horrible, just awful! I promise to refrain from mentioning any additional characters from that season. There were plenty that were just as bad but they shall remain nameless.

    I really wonder how GR retains his sanity or any sense of humor after dealing with some of these people. Maybe there’s a reason he’s not thought of highly in the UK – how nice & friendly would YOU be after dealing with… The nameless ones! He’s been doing this a lot longer over there so I would imagine he’s even more well known and in the public eye. Just my thoughts.

26. 26
    Fnord
    Posted March 17, 2013 at 11:34 pm

    I love this show. It’s the Jersey Shore of culinary TV.

27. 27
    Pegalicious
    Posted March 18, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    Awesome recap, NP! (Loved the recap, and I always appreciate someone who prefers to see correct punctuation.)

    I’m not at all surprised that Jeremy got to stay; he’s definitely fodder for G-Ram’s rants. I thought Sebastian had much more potential than Jeremy (which, I’ll admit, isn’t saying much). Gina just seems to be way out there, and I wonder if she’s counting on her nuttiness to keep her on the show.

    My early fave is Zach, who seems remarkably calm and shows real promise.

    Was G-Ram a bit hoarse this week? Did he scream and yell more than usual?

    Rather embarrassed to confess that I can join the “Hometown of Shame” club: Jon’s location of York, Penna., is 12 miles north of my hometown; when I was growing up, York was the closest place to shop and go to the library, and it’s the county seat.

28. 28
    kloewent
    Posted March 18, 2013 at 3:15 pm

    Kitchen Nightmares in the UK was totally different than the one here. Gordon didn’t redo the restaurants, he made the owners do it with their own money, the owners here get like $50,000 redo. I would guess a lot of them go out of business because they go right back to their bad habits after he leaves. It would be interesting to find out his rate of success here.

29. 29
    Mummy Butterfly
    Posted March 18, 2013 at 5:53 pm

    *love* me some Zach and Nedra this early in the game – Mary strikes me as someone who will make me laugh, but isn’t going to win in the end. I can’t stand Jeremy, he can leave anytime. Gina? I agree with whoever posted they would have moved to the sofa when she pulled out the puppet. SCARY! That kind of stuff makes me worry about sleeping at night…

    Great recap! Love your detail and how clear you were. Can’t wait for the rest of the season!

30. 30
    ShadowSixx
    Posted March 19, 2013 at 1:35 pm

    I’m happy the show is back on been waiting a long time.

    Right now on the men’s team I’m rooting for Zach & Anthony, I also kind of like Jon a little bit too hopefully he’s able to get himself together. I really hope Jeremy goes, he’s a big douche who can’t even remember orders that’s being repeated to him 3x which is important.

    On the women’s team I like Nedra right now and have a good feeling about Ja’Nel too as I can see her going far. Gina can go she just looks useless and Danielle might want to get a stronger backbone if she’s to survive.

    Most of the time in Hell’s Kitchen the ones that mess up in the beginning end up improving like Season 3 Bonnie, Season 4 Christina, but I do hope that some of these chefs are consistent like Season 5′s Danny & Paula and Season 6′s Dave and no bitchy attitude like season 9′s Elise.

    Those chefs that tryout to be on Hell’s Kitchen need to learn to make risotto, halibut, and wellingtons mostly.

31. 31
    Sunshine
    Posted March 19, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    Great recap! Gina is Hell’s Kitchen gold! How long before she finds the head of her puppet in her bed?