Hell’s Kitchen Recap: No Dinner Tonight

Recaps

By BlueCanary | Tuesday, July 3, 2012 | 11:03 am | 17 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Hell's Kitchen, Recaps

With the departure of Roshni last week, Blue team is back to being a sausage factory, and a volatile one, at that. Royce is gunning for Patrick, Patrick is gunning for Clemenza, people seem to be gunning for Brian at random, and everyone hates Royce. Justin has managed to suck exponentially less than everyone else, and therefore barely exists.

The Red team is a hotbed of dramatic bullshit, and can barely keep it together on a daily basis, but they’re pretty cheerful and confident as they head upstairs. The exception to the hot mess rule seems to be Christina, who is getting individual kudos from Gordon, on top of working it out pretty hard in the kitchen on a nightly basis. She’s had a few screw-ups here and there, but nothing near the tomfoolery we’re seeing from the rest of her team. For the moment, everything is cool, though, and Kimmie informs us how amazing they are.

Clemenza and Brian are smug, but Patrick is pissed at Royce, who of course—UGH! I forgot what I was going to say there, because I was just treated to a shot of Royce’s pale, doughy, shirtless flank. The guacamole I ate earlier just surged back into my mouth, and now I’m afraid that flavor is linked to Royce forever. I love guacamole. Used to. Fuck.

The next morning, Kimmie treats us to some rhymes she wrote…because she apparently has a side thing in the Memphis rap scene. Oooookaaaaaay. I guess it’s nice that she’s trying to boost morale, but I’m going to go ahead and make an executive recapping decision, and it is that we’re going to relive that travesty as little as humanly possible, and never speak of it again.

Everyone on board with that? Okay, good.

Back in the kitchen, Gordon has a gold curtain set up, behind which is a slot machine of sorts. You know, to go with the whole Vegas thing. The ingredients for the challenge will be determined by the slot machine, and each team will present five dishes. This naturally leads to an issue for the Red team, because they have six people left, and Gordon tells them to pick a person to sit out. Dana immediately asserts herself as a strong player, and Kimmie volunteers to sit out, mostly to avoid conflict. Kimmie needs to stand up for herself—she talks a lot of smack, but when it comes down to brass tacks, she lets the others shuffle her into the background. I’m thinking the Red team should maybe sideline Robyn, but my opinion based on pure logic, and I know that’s asking a lot.

Wow, what could be under that sheet? Not another gimmick, they wouldn’t do that.

Dana and Patrick approach the slots first, and they will each be working with flat iron steak, potatoes, mushrooms, spinach, and blue cheese. Sounds like dinner! Dana says she doesn’t know how to work with flat iron steak because she doesn’t cook it at home. Excuse me, but aren’t you supposed to be some kind of chef? Did these people not go to culinary school, like, at all? Patrick has no issue with the ingredients, or if he does, he keeps them to himself.

Christina and Royce are next, and for the record, they get hanger steak, yams, eggplant, asparagus, and crab. It really doesn’t matter what they get, though, because I think we all know who will dominate this particular round. Even Royce knows it, but he insists he’s going to eventually beat her. “I won’t stop until she’s crying,” he says. He probably says that to his reflection in the mirror before a date, too.

I’m thinking Royce just has that effect on women in general.

Brian and Barbie pull New York strip, celery root, tomatoes, cauliflower, and shrimp, while Tiffany and Justin get filet, beets, carrots, zucchini, and chorizo. Apparently that’s a shitty draw, because Justin lets us know that it sucks as bad as his luck. Justin has bad luck? Well, I wouldn’t know, because this is the first concrete detail we’ve gotten about his ass in nine episodes. Seriously, it’s like he’s an extra on this show.

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BlueCanary is as unorthodox a blend of optimistic and bitter, laid-back and anxious, motivated and straight up lazy tas one is likely to meet outside an unspecified institution. She spent the past decade holding a variety of job titles, including reporter, tech writer, production manager, and administrative assistant (the go-to job in this economy for folks who just HAD to get that English degree). She is currently living under the tiny yet powerful thumb of an awesome, pint-sized little dude, who wets himself and can't form full sentences (read: stay at home mom). Another tyrannical little thumb is gestating in her womb. She is a regular on The Neutral Corner podcast and blogs at www.mamamuzzle.com. 

Blue's as-yet-unpublished YA novel, The Nature of Echoes, is currently a Quarterfinalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest. If you'd like to check it out, a free excerpt is available to download at http://www.amazon.com/Nature-Echoes-ABNA-Entry-ebook/dp/B00B9N3XFQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1363378599&sr=1-1&keywords=eva+gibson+abna.

17 Comments

  1. 1
    WaffleBoy
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 11:43 am

    If you like crispy bacon, deep frying it is the best way to do it. The bacon cooks quickly and evenly, and it’s damn near impossible to burn. That being said, deep frying bacon is a great way for a breakfast cook to get fired in a restaurant, because cooking bacon in a deep fryer will break down the oil in nothing flat, and even 10 years ago when I was working in kitchens that oil was like 22 bucks and some change ( do not ever F with a chef’s food costs)

    “It’s also Family Night, so kids will be allowed through the doors to eat $25 plates of artfully arranged chicken nuggets and listen to Gordon Ramsay scream “fuck” all evening” That was the line of the post, awesome! oh and thanks!

  2. 2
    featherhead
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 12:04 pm

    I was cracking up at the fact that the girls in the other bedroom had a fit that Robyn HAD THE NERVE to sleep in “their” room!! What, does she smell? She looks like she does.. They told her next time sleep on the couch, the looks on their faces when they realized she was in their room were priceless!! These people are nuts!

  3. 3
    MummyButterfly
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 12:42 pm

    1) I adore Barbie. More and more. Plus, her “Hobbit” reference when she freaked out and saw Robyn was priceless.

    2) As for the Robyn vs. Kimmie steak choice – I was under the impression they had to do it by sight (and tasting sauces) alone. Robyn’s dish DID look more put together, so if Kimmie really felt like her’s would taste better, she did need to “sell it”. And Gordon’s complaint seemed to be about the steak, not the sauce. Entirely possible that Robyn had a better tasting sauce, prettier plate – and was the logical choice. The rest of the team seemed to take the lost point in stride. The drama was between Kimmie and Robyn.

    3) Oh, back to Barbie and her disdain for Tiffany as she corrected her mistakes. I think she and Christina may be my favorites for their ability to just rise above. I think in a “real” kitchen, I would rather have Barbie, Christina or Patrick as my boss, than ANY other person on either team.

    4) What is up with Justin? Does he exist really, or are they only paying him part-time to show up?

    5) Brian… I wish he could get himself together, he had such pretty-people potential.

    And finally…Kimmie’s burn? I wish we had a better view of what actually happened (not hidden by a stack of pans), but it was obviously scary. The Blue Team was in that Kitchen in nothing flat, so they had to have all realized it was REAL drama, not made up TV-crap. The made up TV-crap comes tonight… YAY!

  4. 4
    annie Annie
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 1:11 pm

    Yeah, I re-wound the DVR over and over, and I could not see how she got burned. Looked painful from the aftermath though. Ouch!

  5. 5
    vallegirl vallegirl
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    I have no dog in this hunt, except maybe Christina because she’s relatively drama free and Barbie because she just could not care less, but I will say that Clemenza had some mookishly charming moments. First when he kissed Brian’s head in solidarity, then when he joked about A New Car! being behind the curtain and finally the impish way he added one candy to his Sur la Table bill, making sure he used as much of his money as possible.

    Meanwhile, Patrick just completely creeps me out. Royce, Brian and Clemenza all have their moments, and Royce is just one big, constant moment of gross Shut the Fuck Up, but there’s something so unctuous and disconcerting about Patrick. Praying, on his knees, to his kids so that daddy can win was just the cherry on his creeper sundae. You know, Bryan Voltaggio loved his little boy and got homesick and wanted to win TC, too, but he just channeled that frustration into calling his brother a dick.

    With regard to the great ribeye debate, Robyn’s steak looked dry and overcooked to me before Gordon cut into it. The sauce may have tasted good but the steak looked like shit. And when Gordon cut it you could see it was gray. I know they couldn’t taste the steaks to tell how much Robyn screwed up, but it looked like crap, too.

    As for Robyn “disrupting the energy of the room,” since Barbie woke up when she came into the room, I doubt Robyn sneaked in quietly so as not to wake the others. So if she made a show of switching rooms, or was loud about it, I can see their point. Of course, presenting everyone in the worst possible light is HK’s bread and butter, so who knows, but I doubt they just randomly chose to pick on Robyn, because when has Robyn ever let anyone shit talk her, even with provocation? And yet she left the room to whine to Tiffany.

  6. 6
    Mimo
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Wasn’t there some drama in one of the first episodes about Robyn not letting Barbie in their room? I don’t sit glued to the show, but that rings a bell. Ring a bell for anyone else or am I tolling all by myself?

  7. 7
    MummyButterfly
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 2:20 pm

    @Mimo – I want to say you’re right, or it was something like when they all started changing bedrooms and no-one wanted Barbie in “their” bedroom. No clue how it works (no Big Brother-esque live feeds), but I wonder if the producers assign them a space to begin with, then they can all move as people go home. Or if it just wasn’t working what the girls choose in the beginning.

    I want to say it was the same episode as Barbie waking everyone up early…

  8. 8
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    BlueCanary, between you and I, we need to make t-shirts that say “Shut Up, Royce!” and “Shut Up, Robyn!”

  9. 9
    BlueCanary
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    Yes, PopePhilly, we need to make that happen. There might be a fight over who gets to wear which one, but they’d both work.

    Also, am I hallucinating, or are we actually recapping from the same region?

  10. 10
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 4:26 pm

    I’ll take either one! I hate them both equally. I have a friend who works for AC Moore and gets a crazy discount. I could totally work something out. Hahaha.

    I’m in DC (well, Alexandria, VA to be exact). My heart remains in Philly, however. Where might you be?

  11. 11
    BlueCanary
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Ha! I’m in Herndon. Royce needs to steer clear of NoVa!

  12. 12
    PopePhilly PopePhilly
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    That is awesome! We could totally have a finale party!

    I hope you guys didn’t get knocked out too bad with the storm last week. I never lost power, but my cable and internet was out. Luckily, it came back on today in time for recapping.

    I think if Royce ever reads what we say about him, he’d run far away from the DMV. I don’t want Robyn to find us. Bitch scares me.

  13. 13
    BlueCanary
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 5:18 pm

    We never lost power, just the Internet. We had lights, A/C, and cable–definitely one of the lukh households. Glad you made it through! I stayed inside the entire weekend soaking up the A/C because I was still recovering from running my dumb ass through 104 degree downtown DC Friday night to make my dinner reservations. Not the best plan, in retrospect.

  14. 14
    sagittariuskim sagittariuskim
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 6:30 pm

    I don’t eat whole beef so all the dishes during the challenge looked unappealing to me.

    I didn’t know Justin existed until he was mentioned in the recaps.

    Can we just ignore anything that comes out of Royce and Robin’s mouth?

  15. 15
    Leto
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 7:08 pm

    At the beginning i couldn’t stand Kimmie, but she’s growing on me. She seems to be very shy and emotionnal and compensate for it by sometimes acting like a bitch. I can relate to the frustration and anger tears, and it looks like to me like she was hanging with bitch Robyn and gross Tiffany just because they gave her attention.
    But I really like Barbie too and those two can’t stand each other so i’m torn.

    In the red kitchen, i like christina because she’s not a drama queen and doesn’t fuck up too much (even if she’s friends with dana who is the worst a girly girl can bring), Barbie because she couldn’t care less about the bitchiness, and Kimmie because I feel she could rock if she trusted herself.

    In the blue kitchen… well I only hate Royce who only have a big mouth and no skill to back it up. The others leave me pretty indifferent, they all have moments where they are loveable and moments where they are just plain horrible/creepy/stupid.

    Concerning Kimmie’s burns, I saw my brother once do exactly the same thing : he droped a pan full of burning oil and tried to catch it (stupid reflex). Oil burns are pretty severe (my brother had to have skin grafts on the inside of his wrists, where the skin is very thin) and i don’t think Kimmie will be able to cook, depending on where the burns are.

    Unless she pulls it like that guy who won with his wrist broken, don’t remeber his name, but burns like this are extremely painfull, my brother had to take morphine, and working the line while pumped full of opiates seems a little utopic to me. Hope for her that she’s not too badly burned, in spite of her size she seems very fragile.

  16. 16
    BlueCanary
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 8:06 pm

    Leto, I agree about Kimmie’s attitude being a cover for a more sensitive personality. I think she could do much better in the kitchen with a little more confidence.

  17. 17
    MummyButterfly
    Posted July 3, 2012 at 8:19 pm

    While I agree about much of Kimmie’s attitude being because she needs more confidence, I think that will eventually hurt her in this competition. The confidence is what makes the “Head Chef”… I feel bad for her, though. Robyn is awful!

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