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Hello, Gasmii! I’m back after a week off. I have to say, it’s great to come back to a show without Royce. No show should ever involve Royce again.
Before we dive into Tuesday’s episode, I need to thank BlueCanary for pointing out Justin’s unfortunate hairstyle. I’m obsessed with terrible 80s haircuts. My friends and I even play a game where we earn different point values for finding different types of mullets (permed, femullets, mohullets, skullets, etc.). Rat tails are the highest score possible!
Anyway, let’s get right into this episode. We begin just in time to find out if Clemenza is kicked out of the kitchen right away for leaving the bones in the quail. (There is definitely a joke about Clemenza boning Gordon in there.) We know that Clemenza makes it into the kitchen even before the theme song because previews have shown him cooking with the rest of his team. At least try to build SOME suspense, editors!
The doors to Hell’s Kitchen open in 30 minutes and the blue team really has to work quickly to get all their mistakes fixed. I don’t know if that’s enough time to get Robyn off their team. Oh, wait. They just have to fix the mistakes with their dishes. Justin offers to help inspect the quail and asparagus. Chef Andi just lets the red team know that they have a few “little easy fixes.” Again, that’s because they no longer have to work with Robyn.
Dinner is just about to start. Barbie thinks that the red team is set up for success and that everything will be really easy. It’s their menus but Gordon’s standards. That’s where it’s going to get difficult. If this group has taught us nothing else they’ve taught us not to think they’d ever be able to produce a well-made dish twice in a row. Justin tells us that he doesn’t think the red team is better than the blue team. “If we lose, it’s just because we couldn’t get our shit together.” That would make the red team better than you, Justin.
Hell’s Kitchen opens and orders start coming in. Gordon will be using diner comment cards to help him determine the winner of tonight’s dinner service. I don’t know about you, but I always tend to be really nice on any comment cards unless something horrible happens. There is a restaurant in my hometown that uses comment cards because it’s run by the junior and senior culinary students at the local community college. The lunch and dinner services are part of the students’ grades. It’s all food I can’t even imagine making myself. As a result, I tend to find it amazing and always write that on my comment cards.
Gordon yells at Christina to hurry up with the flat bread. They apparently don’t remember how much trouble they had with flat bread when they were cooking for David Beckham. Why are they making this again? That was a stupid idea, red team. If Christina fucks it up, then it’s not worth making. Barbie helps out with the flat bread and Christina actually just says, “Thank you.” The rest of the team should take note. That is how normal people react to help.
In the blue kitchen, Robyn is hoping to perfectly cook Justin’s squash blossom appetizer. So, why isn’t Justin working on this? If it was a dish he came up with, wouldn’t he be the most logical person to cook them when it truly counts? I think that much logic is asking too much from this show. I’m sure you were all surprised when the appetizers were sent back for being under cooked.
Somehow, Robyn is able to blame this on Justin. She says, “Who the hell wants to eat a flower with mousse in it?” I’m sure the people who ordered it would like to eat it, Robyn. That’s really no excuse for you not cooking it correctly. She even directly blames Justin to his face! She thinks he set her up for failure! I’m pretty sure that Robyn is failing just fine without Justin’s help. Yes, Robyn. Justin told you to cook them for five minutes. However, you also should be able to recognize when something is under cooked. Also, stop saying “bro”!
Robyn tries her hand at another plate of squash blossoms. This time, they’re over cooked. Robyn says she needs to make more squash blossoms and asks if Justin heard her. He has no idea what she wants him to do.
The red team is doing much better on their appetizers. They’re more than halfway done and the diners seem happy. They start sending out their first entrees. Barbie asks Kimmie if she needs any help and Kimmie turns her down. In fact, Kimmie gets angry that Barbie has offered to help. Then we learn that Kimmie doesn’t know the most basic anatomy concepts. She holds up both her hands and says, “You see these two fat ass fingers from Memphis?” I can’t type right now because my palm is covering my face.
Just after Kimmie tells us that she doesn’t need any help, Gordon makes them all taste the duck she made. Dana is right when she says that means things are really bad. The meat is over cooked. Then Kimmie says that her teammates don’t need to be eating her food and telling her what’s wrong with it. First of all, Gordon told them to do that. Second, it’s far better that your teammates do it than the diners.
While Kimmie tries again on the duck, Robyn finally sends out her first order of squash blossoms. However, there are no more scallops left. Robyn tells us that Justin didn’t prep enough squash blossoms and she’s lost all her faith in him. Right, Robyn. I’m sure it had nothing at all to do with all the orders you fucked up. I’ve lost my faith in Justin because he thought Robyn wouldn’t screw up as much as she did. With that, Robyn has to go out and face the diners herself. She is humiliated and wants to “crawl into a hole and die.”
Brian then gives us his thoughts on Robyn: “It’s not personal, but as a chef, she sucks.” Actually, Brian, I’m pretty sure she sucks as a person too. You haven’t been on a team with her long enough to know just how much. The blue team finally moves onto entrees.
In the red kitchen, Kimmie is trying to cook the duck again. She sends up a perfect order. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: people need to stop celebrating when it takes them more than one try to cook a dish adequately. Kimmie’s celebration is short lived because now her rib eye is over cooked. Just when I was starting to like Kimmie a little bit, she goes and screws up royally. As Gordon yells, we see Tiffany shoveling food into her mouth.
Gordon keeps yelling at Kimmie saying he thought she cared and that, at this stage of the game, over cooked meat just isn’t good enough. I didn’t think over cooked meat was every good enough. We go to commercial just as Gordon asks Kimmie if she’s giving up. Does anyone actually expect her to say yes? At this point, Gordon doesn’t even care if the entire red team goes home tonight. Kimmie tries one more time with the rib eye. This time it’s cooked perfectly. Again, Kimmie celebrates her adequacy.
The blue kitchen is sending out their first entrees. Brian forgets the onion ring garnish. When Brian does finally make the onion rings, they’re not cooked correctly. Let’s take a moment to let that settle. Brian fucked up onion rings. He should be eliminated right now just for that. I can make onion rings in my sleep! However, it is nice to see the fuck-up Brian I’m used to. It was weird for a few weeks when he was one of the better chefs.
On his second try, Brian is able to tame the wild onion ring.
In the red kitchen, Dana is ready to send out her halibut and lobster dish. However, when it gets to the table, the diners find that the lobster is raw. Wait a second. How the hell did raw lobster get past Gordon? Doesn’t he check these first? He’s been yelling about his standards all night. I would imagine that he’d be checking just as closely as he always does.
Dana hopes that it isn’t her dish. Gordon doesn’t give her the tongue lashing I had expected. He is actually rather nice. He does say that the lobster is “pinker inside than Paris Hilton’s lipstick.” Oh, come on, Gordon!! That’s the best analogy you could come up with when it came to lobster being as pink as Paris Hilton’s anything?!?!?! I really was hoping for a dirty joke there. I’m so disappointed with you this episode. On her second try, Dana sends out perfectly cooked lobster.
Justin is really leading the blue team tonight. It’s nice to see someone competent take the lead for a change. However, Clemenza seems to have a hard time communicating with Justin. Every time Clemenza is asked something, he just stays silent. However, I can see where Clemenza gets a little annoyed with Justin. It didn’t seem like one dish had anything to do with the other. Clemenza then sends up perfect sea bass with a “how do you like me now, bitch?”
We go back to the red kitchen where things are running smoothly. Then we see Tiffany. She’s reusing a dirty pan to fish garnish. Gordon actually watches her scrape the dirt out of a pan and put the fresh garnish back in it.
She receives Gordon’s rage full on. He explains that a chef being this disgusting really tells him something about her. Barbie tells the camera that there are “two million saute pans in Hell’s Kitchen.” There really is no reason for Tiffany to reuse a dirty one.
Back in the blue kitchen, Clemenza is still acting like a little bitch toward Justin. Justin simply asks if Clemenza heard the meat and fish order. Clemenza just stutters when he tries to repeat it back. I guess he didn’t hear the order. Clemenza explains that it was hard to hear over Justin’s yelling. Justin was the only one talking to you, Clemenza! You didn’t have to hear anything else over him!
Apparently Clemenza forgot to count. He brings one sea bass up to be served. He’s got two more ready to come up. The order was only for two sea bass. Why the hell he he planning for three? Didn’t Patrick have the same problem the night he got kicked off? He even had his children to pray to. What chance does Clemenza have with?
And then Clemenza lies to Gordon. He says that he has the second sea bass ready to go. There is nothing in the pan. Why would you be stupid enough to lie to Gordon? Justin suggests that Clemenza let Brian take over the fish and help Robyn out with dessert. Why don’t we ever get to see dessert? That’s the most important part of any meal! Also, are you sure you want Brian to take over the fish station, Justin? If I remember correctly, he was the one who ruined ever piece of cod in the kitchen.
Back in the red kitchen, the ladies are almost done with their entrees. Unfortunately, more food gets sent back from the dining room. Again, Gordon!?!?! This time, Tiffany’s potatoes are raw. Seriously? Raw potatoes? Potatoes are not that hard to cook. It takes a special kind of stupid to under cook potatoes.
Once again, Gordon accuses Tiffany of not caring. She then tells us that she cares about food more than she cares about her family. Seeing as Tiffany only cares about cooking “like a 9″ on a scale of one to ten, that means she cares about her family, at most, an 8 on that scale. If any of Tiffany’s family members are reading this, I’m sorry for how little Tiffany cares about you.
Tiffany takes her bad mood out on everyone else and is fuming around the kitchen. She has to cook her potatoes over again and that leaves the red kitchen at a standstill. Is anyone surprised that Tiffany is the reason service has been halted? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Justin is still leading the blue team. However, over cooked steaks knock Justin down a few pegs. Clemenza and Robyn both seem pissed off that Justin isn’t taking any responsibility for screwing up. I’m not sure where they’re getting that from. It seems like Justin has been doing that all night. He didn’t blame anyone else for his mistake (like Robyn) and he didn’t lie to Gordon about anything (like Clemenza). Maybe Justin is getting the “Barbie treatment.”
The red team is still waiting on Tiffany’s under cooked potatoes. Are you kidding me? Is she going to Idaho to personally get the potatoes before she cooks them? Sliced potatoes should not take that long to cook. Chef Andi gets fed up with Tiffany’s attitude. She doesn’t even accept Tiffany’s apology for all the yelling. Chef Andi even calls her the sloppiest cook she’s seen in her entire life. With that, Tiffany is sent out of the kitchen and Dana takes over on the potatoes.
Tiffany thinks that the others made her look like “a fucking idiot.” I don’t know about you all, but I thought Tiffany was doing a fine job looking like an idiot all on her own. It was the one consistent thing about her! Also, what the fuck was in Tiffany’s potatoes? Even Dana is having a hard time cooking them. They keep coming out crunchy. She adds some cream and puts them back in the oven. I am a little grossed out by Dana sticking her fingers in the potatoes to try them. She could at least get a fork.
The blue team is on their last table. Brian proves, once again, that he is not the man for the fish station. He brought up one of the two sea bass. He didn’t like the way the second one was cooked and wanted to leave it in the oven a little longer. Clemenza is eating the dessert for some reason. Oh, hey, Brian served raw fish. I’m sure no one saw that coming. With that, the entire blue team is sent out of the kitchen.
Once they’re back in the dorms, Justin and Clemenza immediately start arguing. Clemenza tries to blame Justin for not telling him how much fish was needed. Sorry, Clemenza. I like you, but Justin clearly told you how much fish you had to cook. He was the only one talking to you about it. It shouldn’t have been that difficult. Back in the kitchen, Gordon and Chef Scott finish the final blue team ticket. That’s kind of a treat for the diners. They get a meal prepared by Gordon Ramsay.
The red kitchen’s potatoes are finally cooked. Did no one order potatoes up until the last table? It seems kind of weird that the last batch was so difficult. You would think these problems would have been figured out pretty early on. Dana says it feels good to know that the blue team got kicked out of the kitchen. At least she knows they’re not the losing team tonight. Not so fast, Dana. Remember when Patrick got kicked out? The entire red team got kicked out that night and there was no winner.
Both teams are standing before Gordon. He has the comment cards in his hands. He was hoping they would decide the winning team. Instead, he tears them up and tosses them on the floor. Gordon tells them that this was the most shocking dinner service yet. I’m not sure if “shocking” is the right word. Was it terrible? Yes. I don’t think anyone was shocked that it went so badly.
Gordon expected this dinner service to be their absolute best since the chefs created their own dishes. Apparently Gordon isn’t watching the same show we are. I think all of us expected it to be the train wreck that it was. He really needs to stop with his high expectations of this group. He just keeps getting disappointed. Since both teams sucked, there will be no winning team. Both teams must nominate two people for elimination.
Justin is quick to nominate Robyn. That’s a pretty obvious nomination. She did run out of scallops because of how badly she screwed them up. Brian votes for Robyn as well. Robyn nominates Justin. I think the entire viewing audience simultaneously rolled their eyes at that one. Robyn keeps saying she asked Justin for help. I think Robyn needs to learn that asking for help and blaming someone for her own mistakes are not the same thing.
Then Robyn tries to accuse Justin of setting her up for failure because (brace yourself for the amount of stupid you’re about to have thrown at you) the squash blossoms were different sizes. That makes complete sense. Justin started growing squash back in the spring in the hopes that some of the blossoms would grow to different sizes. Then, knowing he and Robyn would be on this very episode together, he picked blossoms so that there was a ridiculous amount of variation in the sizes. It’s so obvious!
Clemenza nominates Robyn as well. Then Brian says what we’ve all been thinking since the very beginning, “Robyn, you’re a fucking idiot. Get out.” Just for that, I promise not to be too mean to Brian in my next recap (unless he does something overly stupid).
On the red team, Dana’s first vote is for Tiffany. Tiffany thinks she was set up to look like a piece of shit tonight. Again, no one had to set her up for that. It just comes naturally. Who the hell would have set her up anyway? She was the only one cooking those potatoes and the only one using a dirty pan to cook fresh garnish.
Why the fuck is Dana voting for Barbie?! Barbie didn’t screw anything up at dinner tonight. Christina votes for Tiffany. Kimmie votes for Barbie because of how she was at prep today. Kimmie, Tiffany, Christina, and Dana all sent out something that wasn’t cook correctly. Barbie took a little longer than her teammates would have liked cleaning the lobster and the mussels. Yeah, she should definitely go home for that.
Dana explains that it’s not anything that Barbie says, it’s because she gives people looks when they screw up. I don’t even know how to respond to that. This is the first episode in a long time where Kimmie hasn’t threatened someone with physical violence, and they’re worried about Barbie’s attitude. We cut away just before Christina can make her choice between Barbie and Kimmie.
The blue team is making their second votes. Robyn votes for Brian. At least that one makes a little sense. Brian did fuck up the fish and onion rings. At least there is some reasoning behind that vote. Brian votes for Clemenza. We don’t get to hear the rest of the votes.
The chefs are standing before Gordon again. Brian tells Gordon that they have nominated Robyn. She immediately starts shaking her head and laughing. Gordon asks her what’s going on. She explains that she asked Justin for help and he wouldn’t help her. Justin jumps in and says it’s not his job to spoon feed Robyn. I think the point there goes to Justin. He goes on to say that he had no turmoil on the team until Robyn got there.
Apparently the bitchy attitude is contagious. When Brian explains that Clemenza was nominated for treatment of the fish and his performance during prep, Clemenza goes insane. I don’t even have the energy to write down what he said. Just imagine what Robyn would say in that situation and you pretty much have it.
Moving on to the red team, Christina explains that their first nominee is Tiffany because of her potatoes. Their second nominee is Barbie because of her work while they were prepping. Gordon seems surprised by this. He even questions their choice of Barbie over Kimmie. Has Kimmie ever been nominated? How has she escaped that this long? Oh, that’s right. Barbie is still on the red team.
Tiffany actually tears up when she explains herself to Gordon. They keep bringing up the potatoes. Why haven’t they been focusing on the fact that Tiffany is just fucking disgusting? It’s Barbie’s turn to defend herself (again). Gordon questions why her team wants her to leave so badly. Barbie just says that they’ve wanted her gone since day one and the only opinion that matters is Gordon’s. That’s why I like Barbie. She’s “not here to make friends,” but she’s not actively trying to piss people off either. I think she truly wants to impress Gordon and run his restaurant. I’m glad that Gordon can see through the “we hate Barbie” bullshit.
Gordon calls on Clemenza next; chastising him for lying and “throwing us all under the bus.” I don’t think Gordon knows what it means to “throw someone under the bus.” Clemenza lied to Gordon, but he didn’t really blame anyone else for his mistakes. Finally, Gordon recognizes that Robyn isn’t a team player. I think he’s really starting to get pissed off with her. That makes me happy. Maybe she’ll be leaving soon.
After this is all over, Gordon makes one of my wishes come true. No, not the one where he cooks me an awesome dinner and then we do dirty, dirty things. It’s the one where Tiffany goes home!!!!!! This is a long time coming. It’s been a good two weeks. First Royce left and now Tiffany is leaving. I haven’t smiled this much about a TV show in a long time.
It looks like BlueCanary is going to have to really good drama next week. It seems that Kimmie is going to screw up royally making traditional southern food and Brian’s comedy is going to push Gordon a little too far. I can’t wait!